It’s been non-stop action here at Spinster Aunt World Headquarters. Things, like this zucchini, which are the size of Guam, keep happening. Please stand by while an excellent essay is generated by my secretary Phil. Thank you.
Aug 10 2010
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Savage Death Island Motto
Take it or fucking leave it and get the hell away from me.
49 comments
1 ping
awhirlinlondon
August 10, 2010 at 12:17 pm (UTC -6)
Is it thread-derailing to ask (anyone willing) for recipes? Preferably involving lots and lots of olive oil? But even if not.
judith weingarten
August 10, 2010 at 12:21 pm (UTC -6)
That’s one large zucchino! I’m afraid it might give rise to lewd thoughts.
Triste
August 10, 2010 at 12:58 pm (UTC -6)
Holy shit, I think that Zucchini is bigger than my dog.
M
August 10, 2010 at 12:59 pm (UTC -6)
Courgette/Zucchini/Marrow recipes? Or recipes in general?
Not that I can think of any of either variety that involve more than a couple tablespoons of olive oil – expect maybe ‘warm pitta bread dipped in (extra virgin) olive oil’, if you eat enough of it.
ivyleaves
August 10, 2010 at 12:59 pm (UTC -6)
Not exactly a recipe, but you can use slices of big zukes in place of noodles to make lasagna.
Antoinette Niebieszczanski
August 10, 2010 at 1:00 pm (UTC -6)
That zucchini oughtta take the blue ribbon at the Rattlesnake County Fair.
Or are you just happy to see us, nyuk nyuk nyuk.
Schnee
August 10, 2010 at 1:44 pm (UTC -6)
A zucchini that big must surely just be a zucch ?
Dammit, I can’t press the blame button without actually blaming, um…..I blame global warming for oversized zucchinis, I mean zucchs, and IBTP for global warming.
allhellsloose
August 10, 2010 at 2:05 pm (UTC -6)
Wot a whopper! Enjoy eating it.
me
August 10, 2010 at 2:36 pm (UTC -6)
Yesterdays zucchini is today’s marrow
ruby
August 10, 2010 at 2:45 pm (UTC -6)
You’re giving the chads zucchini envy.
Tehomet
August 10, 2010 at 2:49 pm (UTC -6)
Everything really is bigger in Texas.
JetGirl
August 10, 2010 at 3:29 pm (UTC -6)
Ohhh! Now I want to make ratatouille! Or risotto with zucchini! Or zucchini gratin!
Moreover, chopping that phallic shape into tiny cubes feels like a good way to make a statement against the patriarchy. A delicious, nutritious statement.
Susan
August 10, 2010 at 3:40 pm (UTC -6)
An Italian favorite, bagna cauda is a warm dip of anchovies, garlic, and olive oil served with fresh vegetables as an appetizer. (And bread. Crusty, warm bread)
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 5 minutes
Total Time: 10 minutes
Ingredients:
1/2 cup plus 2 Tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
4 to 5 cloves of garlic, peeled and microplaned or minced
12 anchovies preserved in olive oil, drained and chopped
1/3 to 1/2 cup unsalted butter, cut into chunks
For dipping:
A variety of raw vegetables, including fennel, cauliflower, Belgian endive, sweet peppers and zucchini.
Don’t forget the bread.
Preparation:
Put the olive oil in a pan with the garlic and anchovies and cook over a low heat, stirring, until you have a melted, muddy mess. Everything should begin to meld together. Whisk in 6 tablespoons of butter, and as soon as it has melted, remove from the heat and give a few more beats of your whisk so that everything is creamy and amalgamated. Taste, and if you feel you want this dipping sauce — which is meant to be pungent but not acrid — a little more mellow, whisk in the remaining 2 tablespoons of butter. Pour into a dish that, ideally, fits over a flame so that it does not get cold at the table.
Dip in the crudités and eat.
If it gets cold, you’re not eating it fast enough.
Phledge
August 10, 2010 at 4:49 pm (UTC -6)
All I see when I look at that is several delicious loaves of zucchini bread.
ew_nc
August 10, 2010 at 4:58 pm (UTC -6)
Congratulations on avoiding squash bugs. I blame pesticides for the high numbers of them, and IBTP for pesticides.
wiggles
August 10, 2010 at 6:15 pm (UTC -6)
A lazy person with poor culinary skills such as myself would just chow down on that thing raw with a shaker of salt. Feel the GI pain later.
Or get a friend who can cook to make a lasagna out of it, because that sounds good right now.
buttercup
August 10, 2010 at 6:46 pm (UTC -6)
That’s a beautiful zucchini. We had a zucchini from my mom’s garden with dinner tonight. Nothing in the world like fresh vegetables right from the garden.
Comrade PhysioProf
August 10, 2010 at 7:41 pm (UTC -6)
That zucchini is fucken horrifying. Some asshole was telling me this story that in Minnesota (or some such shithole) when people drive to church they have to lock their car doors in the parking lot, or some churchgoer asshole will sneak a buncha fucken zucchini into the back seats of other churchgoer assholes to get rid of the fucken shit.
Jill
August 10, 2010 at 7:55 pm (UTC -6)
My zucchini plant (I have only one, relieving me of the obligation to haunt church parking lots, piling excess squashes into godbags’ cars) puts out one, and only one, of these monsters a month. It’s psycho. I’ve never seen anything like it.
ElizaTheTroll
August 10, 2010 at 8:20 pm (UTC -6)
I like raw zucchini on toast with lots of paprika.
FemmeForever
August 10, 2010 at 8:37 pm (UTC -6)
While it is a magnificent trophy for the home gardener, I will have to agree with CPP. I HATE all beasts of the squash family. So much so that I can never eat the house veg in a restaurant because it ALWAYS contains zucchini, which must be the cheapest veggie on the planet.
yttik
August 10, 2010 at 9:19 pm (UTC -6)
I like zucchini dip, steamed and pureed zucchini with parmesen cheese, garlic, olive oil. Sprinkle it with bread crumbs and bake it until the cheese is melted and the crumbs are crispy.
yvr_fca_osl
August 10, 2010 at 9:55 pm (UTC -6)
I’m impressed with everyone’s healthy approach to zucchini consumption. But for the less healthy: Chocolate Zucchini Cake. I just made this and it was superb.
2 ¼ cups sifted all-purpose flour
½ cup unsweetened cocoa
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 ¾ cups sugar
1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
½ cup vegetable oil (or 1/2 cup applesauce instead)
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
½ cup buttermilk
2-2 ½ cups grated unpeeled zucchini
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips (sprinkle on top before baking)
¾ cup chopped walnuts (optional)
Bake at 325 in a 9×13 inch baking pan (50ish mins), or a bundt pan, or two 9-inch round pans (40ish mins).
Triste
August 10, 2010 at 11:43 pm (UTC -6)
Oh fuck. Do you realize that probably what that means is, that Zucchini is one of those fucking things where like, it eats its siblings before it is born. Like the people who have little twin fetuses in their brains. That fucking thing just absorbed all the other zucchinis. Like sharks in their little egg sac thingies. They fucking eat their siblings as their first meal.
My god, you have to get rid of that, now.
faithh
August 11, 2010 at 1:37 am (UTC -6)
Ratatouille. Thats all I have to say.
AileenWuornos
August 11, 2010 at 4:08 am (UTC -6)
That zucchini looks like it’s plotting something very suss. Would be tasty in foccacia. But then again, anything is tasty in a foccacia.
“Oh fuck. Do you realize that probably what that means is, that Zucchini is one of those fucking things where like, it eats its siblings before it is born. Like the people who have little twin fetuses in their brains. That fucking thing just absorbed all the other zucchinis. Like sharks in their little egg sac thingies. They fucking eat their siblings as their first meal.”
Hahahhaha, this is the funniest thing I’ve read thus far today.
Antoinette Niebieszczanski
August 11, 2010 at 5:01 am (UTC -6)
Here at work, we have the Share Table. People put all sorts of things on it, from holiday desecrations to books to clothing to excess produce, sort of like a free garage sale. Being too lazy for a garden this year, I’m looking forward to homegrown cukes, tomatas, and Catawba peaches.
That story about the random zucchini foister is pretty fucken funny.
Shopstewardess
August 11, 2010 at 6:03 am (UTC -6)
The filter at work lets me see the words but not the pictures. The mental picture conjured up by the words of the blametariat is not an altogether happy one. I shall have to verify it against the real thing this evening.
Ivyleaves, lasagna made with zucchini instead of pasta is probably very similar to moussaka made with zucchini instead of aubergines.
Do spinster aunts grow aubergines?
iamlegs
August 11, 2010 at 8:12 am (UTC -6)
You can slice it and fry it in a pan.
Put lots and lots of olive oil in the pan, and some dried green herbs whatever’s at hand, usually oregano, tarragon, wevs, and maybe a little chopped garlic, let the stuff infuse for awhile, then throw the sliced zucchini in and fry till transparent and a little brown on the edges.
Fun Taiwan fact: zucchini season is in spring, who knows why? It really messes with my head. But the zucchini is so delicious, they pick it when it’s all cute and tender, nothing like that monster above!
When I was little, my mom used to make the most amazing chocolate cake with zucchini, mmmm!
Lu
August 11, 2010 at 9:29 am (UTC -6)
Schnee, good linguistic instinct. The Italian word you’re probably looking for is zucca, describing a bigger kind of squash.
Bushfire
August 11, 2010 at 10:18 am (UTC -6)
I fry my zucchini in a pan similar to Iamlegs’ recipe. I melt butter in a frying pan, then add thinly sliced zucchini and a pinch of oregano over each one. I turn them once and cook until they are transparent and slightly brown. They taste amazing! I sometimes eat them with my scrambled eggs in the morning.
Also, sometimes I grill them in the oven. I mix olive oil and cider vinegar with dried oregano, basil, salt and pepper. I spread the dressing on both sides of my sliced zucchini and bake it at 400 for around 1/2 hour. (I don’t really time it I just look at it once in a while to see when it looks done.) Once your zucchini is grilled it’s excellent beside corn on the cob or on a sandwich with goat cheese and tomato.
tinfoil hattie
August 11, 2010 at 11:11 am (UTC -6)
Mmmm, julienne it and some carrots, spread over salmon filet daubed w/olive oil, and wrap in parchment – bake ’til tender! YUMMMMM
Comrade PhysioProf
August 11, 2010 at 11:14 am (UTC -6)
All of these zucchini recipes are all like “Pour a buncha fucken highly flavored tasty shit all over the zucchini so you don’t fucken taste it.”
Mujery Legs
August 11, 2010 at 1:10 pm (UTC -6)
Given that the plant sprouts a monster zuke monthly, I’m guessing this is relevant in jest only: http://www.rhymeswithorange.com/2010/08/august-08-2010/
Jill
August 11, 2010 at 1:55 pm (UTC -6)
What’s with all the zuke hate? It’s the world’s most mild-mannered vegetable. Or, more accurately, the world’s most mild-mannered flower-ovary.
humanbein
August 11, 2010 at 3:43 pm (UTC -6)
Zucchini flowers make a wonderful base for a frittata.
M
August 11, 2010 at 3:54 pm (UTC -6)
Hmmm – think my last courgette experiment involved aubergine and okra (the recipe idea was ‘see what looks tasty, then pick it’, although the picking was from a shop, being as I’m in town) and went something like:
heat some mustard seeds in a pan
then add olive oil
diced onion
turmeric
then veg, in (reverse) order of potential squishyness (I think we went for courgette, then okra with aubergine last – I hate squishy aubergine)
stirring fairly constantly
last add the garlic, so it doesn’t burn, and take off the heat when it smells good.
Now I’m hungry for vegetables – I wonder if I have any?
janna
August 11, 2010 at 5:07 pm (UTC -6)
Lasagna with zucchini instead of noodles sounds amazing.
ivyleaves
August 11, 2010 at 7:30 pm (UTC -6)
Comrade PhysioProf:
All of these zucchini recipes are all like “Pour a buncha fucken highly flavored tasty shit all over the zucchini so you don’t fucken taste it.”
Well, yes, as do all pasta recipes, tofu recipes, etc.
Jill
August 11, 2010 at 8:10 pm (UTC -6)
Why not just put a stick of butter in your mouth and call it a day?
AvengingGerbil
August 12, 2010 at 4:40 am (UTC -6)
If you pick the zucchini (or courgette as we would have it here) sooner (ie smaller), it will encourage the plant to put out more flowers and hence more zuchs. They taste better smaller.
This presupposes that the Texas zuch does not grow to that size overnight, of course.
eagle
August 12, 2010 at 6:35 am (UTC -6)
We’ve had numerous zucchini at that size, unfortunately. They’d explode overnight from “Oh we’ll pick that tomorrow for dinner” to “Holy shit that’s gonna need to be used for zucchini bread…” I think I’ve made 3 or 4 batches of the bread over the last month, which is about 8 loaves. Luckily the fam quite enjoys it. I’m guessing our fall leaves and grass clippings fertilizer-mountain is what gave them the boost.
Additionally, for when my body is craving a fat-attack, we batter the flowers and fry them.
Antoinette Niebieszczanski
August 12, 2010 at 8:30 am (UTC -6)
It’s very enjoyable simply steamed with a little butter and a dash of your favorite seasoning. No need to tart it up. Unless you’re in the mood to peel it, run it through the food processor, and bake a cake with it.
Jill
August 12, 2010 at 8:55 am (UTC -6)
“Courgette,” eh? Well, lah-dee-dah!
minervaK
August 12, 2010 at 6:10 pm (UTC -6)
How do you keep the varmits off your vegetable matter? I can’t grow nothing bigger-n an okra up here in town.
pheenobarbidoll
August 13, 2010 at 11:10 am (UTC -6)
Bread it and fry it. You’re in Texas woman! Ranch dressing for the dip if you’re feelin fancy pants.
Rugosa
August 21, 2010 at 8:59 am (UTC -6)
I have only one, relieving me of the obligation to haunt church parking lots, piling excess squashes into godbags’ cars
Jill, that’s one more reason I admire your fabulous brain! You have the sense to only grow as much zucchini as you expect to eat. Many of my fellow community gardeners seem to be compelled to grow whole rows of everything, and then bitch about having too many zukes. I follow your plan – one, or at most two plants (this year, one zuke, one summer squash), a few good meals, and no desperate search for some way, any way to use up the veggies from hell.
nails
August 22, 2010 at 12:20 pm (UTC -6)
I made the lasagna with zucchini instead of noodles- it is GREAT. Thank you, blametariat!
Nolabelfits
August 22, 2010 at 5:01 pm (UTC -6)
So did I. VERY tasty. I also used eggplant.
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