“Here is my question,” announces blamer JenniferRuth. “Can arachnophobia be blamed on the patriarchy?”
The answer is yes! Patriarchy is the gnarly firmament of dominant culture, and nothing may exist outside it; therefore absolutely everything can be blamed on it.
This, friends, is the beauty of patriarchy-blaming. Whenever one encounters, in the course of her daily flailings, anything untoward, unjust, illogical, wrong, asinine, violent, destructive, or mediocre, there can be no doubt that patriarchy is at the root of it. Got bunions? Blame patriarchy for misogynist shoe designers. Stuck in a Chilean coal mine? Blame patriarchy for the megatheocorporatocratic greed that exploits you. Suffering from irrational fear of spiders? Point your claw at the institutionalized English-speaking anti-spiderism commencing in 1805 with the first edition of “Little Miss Muffet,” jut out your chin, and cry out “j’accuse!”
Chads and other antifeminist fuckbags often flip out when they hear an Internet feminist aver that patriarchy — that is, the culture of domination — is responsible for much of the world’s unpleasantness. Their flip-outs are funny and sad; the Chad never lived who understood even roughly what patriarchy even is. But this is the Internet, where ignorance fuels passion, and where a Chad’s job is to strenuously object to the blamer’s irrefutable evidence that patriarchy exists. Often he attempts this by denouncing the patriarchy blamer as a paranoid nutjob.
Consider this remark from Ralph, recently submitted to an old post on Shulamith Firestone.
Someone wrote, ‘Patriarchy is the problem.’ Isn’t this just a convenient scapegoat. Blame everything on some abstract concept called ‘The Patriarchy.’ Who is in this group anyway: the gentleman sitting behind you, the young man in the suit, the guy on the bus? All men. All evil.
But, women can be members too. Those poor, foolish, misguided creatures.
‘The Patriarchy’ is in control right? We’d better identify its members and take care of them immediately.
What I love about this idea is it’s perfect for conspiracy theorists.
Ralph has gotten it into his head that patriarchy is both an “abstract concept” and a secret cabal of evil dudes the existence of which lies entirely in the imaginations of delusional loonies like, presumably, me. Like so many Chads before him, Ralph appears to be unaware that patriarchy isn’t an imaginary Mean Man Guild, but a global social order based on the fetishization of domination and submission, to which he himself is unwittingly subject. Ralph, in fact, demonstrates perfect assimilation by attempting to exercise dudely dominance on this very blog. Unfortunately for Ralph, this is a patriarchy-blaming blog, so he only ends up looking silly, but the point is, he is a shining example of patriarchy’s exquisite self-perpetuating design. By invoking the power of dudeliness with which it has invested him, he simultaneously denies its existence and defends it. “Patriarchy is a crock and I’m here to dominate you, stupid Internet feminist!”
Ralph, if you have the good sense to be reading this, I urge you to cast your status-quo-lovin’ eye around the putrid abattoir that passes for human civilization and ponder, just for 3 minutes, whether domination and submission is, in fact, the most desirable model for a world order.
In this charming illustration of arachnophobia, a little boy is shown inflicting terror on a little girl, just, apparently, for the hell of it. In the pornulated illustration at the top of the post, a big boy depicts a big girl upon whom terror is also inflicted for his amusement. “Boys will be boys” is one of the three cornerstones of patriarchy. The other two are “terrified chicks are hot,” “no means yes,” and “lighten up, can’t you take a joke?”