Dec 07 2010

Imminent post looms on horizon, is in cards and forthcoming presently pretty soon in near future!

That’s right, I’m putting the final flourishes on the first draft of a new essay right now. Using wry sardonic wit, a jaundiced eye, and other patriarchy-blaming techniques, the post will convey one spinster aunt’s unassailable opinions on the crappiness of evolutionary psychology. It probably won’t be as good as some other posts I’ve written, but then again, it will almost certainly be better than others. My secretary Phil gives it two-and-a-half stars, if that means anything to you.

Why stars? I asked. Why not something more germane to patriarchy blaming? They use forks on Epicurious. They use computer mice at MacWorld. I suggested to Phil that the tiny icon representing the measure of excellence on a patriarchy-blaming blog should be something more along the lines of rusty knives of castration, or rape convictions.

” ‘I give that post two-and-a-half senate bills guaranteeing a woman’s right to safe and legal abortion.’ See how much more blametarian that sounds?”

“Whatever,” said Phil. “You need another Vicodin?”

Which brings me to, yes I’m supposed to be on hiatus, but I’ve got a few spare post-writing minutes on my hands on accounta I performed an unscheduled dismount from my horse the other day and sort of tore up my knee. It turns out my Rx is unremitting lounging, mixed with Vicodin and intermittent ice pack applications, for a few days.

Well, back to the salt mines!


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  1. Laurie

    Egads! Now no doubt you realize the folly of ever leaving your computer. Much safer to stay snug indoors and blame 24 hours a day.

    You may be miserable with such enforced servitude, but we will be ecstatic!

    Seriously, hope you’re on the mend and back in the saddle soon.

  2. Lidon Achava

    Can’t wait! Sorry about your knee.

  3. Alex

    It’s a well-established fact that the cure for knee complaints owing to unscheduled horse dismounts is a completed essay, posted to the patriarchy-blaming blog of your choice, regarding evolutionary psychology.

  4. Notorious Ph.D.

    But will there be a close reading? Or perhaps thick description? Something like that really gets the spinster academic’s pulse racing.

  5. Mortisha

    Yeeeewwouch. ow ow ow ow

    That news is making my old torn up knee ache. I couldn’t ride my firecracker of a horse for 12 months afterwards. We both went stir crazy.

    Hope you have a very fast recovery.

    Patriarchy blaming should be rated by the number of vagina dentate.

  6. MaryK

    Mortisha, that had me rolling. I give you comment 5 teeth.

  7. Val

    Ouch! I’m probably overdue for a spectacular crash at this point – it’s been almost 6 mos, gosh darn it, since Baraq-o-rama has managed to unseat me! (took one for the team in my lower back & short ribs)

    I was going to suggest horseshoes, but vagina dentata are WAY better.

  8. iwillbedamned

    I want to second (or third) the vagina dentata rating system.

    Now, as a young blamer, I was wondering, am I likely to lose vagina dentata as I age or do I get “wisdom” vagina dentata as I mature in my patriarchy blaming?

    Here’s hopinhg you heal quickly, Jill!

  9. Vibrating_Liz

    I give that post two-and-a-half ,hmm, let’s see, tacos? margaritas? toasters? braided armpits? Bobbit knives? Come on Phil, get creative!

  10. Comrade PhysioProf

    Vicodin kicks motherfucken asse!!!!!!! YEAH!!!

  11. speedbudget

    I can’t wait. Any essay stewed in a mixture of stuck-at-homeness and Vicodin has GOT to be a winner.

    Hope your knee feels better or the Vicodin makes you just not give a shit.

  12. Jodie

    Ouch! Having had knee problems in the past, I can certainly sympathize!

  13. procrastinatrix

    Hi, Jill,

    I’m sorry about the knee, hope your recovery is swift and complete.

    Huzzah for the new post!

    Loving the vagina dentata suggestion for the rating system.

    And I’ve been meaning to ask, are you still drinking liquid sanctimony? I’m sure it is yummy with Vicodin!

  14. MPMR

    But is this upcoming post close at hand? Is it approaching or pending? Is it expected to be just around the corner?

  15. Ron Sullivan

    Ouch! Damn! More Vicodin! Doesn’t Phil give massages too?

    OTOF, I’m really looking forward to the evo-psych takedown. I’ve been grinding my teeth on that subject lately, but also lately I’m just too damned lazy to write. Even for money.


  16. Lurker Lyn

    Does this mean the horse is rooting for more blaming? Or was perhaps paid to sabotage your outdoor times? I suspect foul play.

  17. yttik

    Ouch! Vicodin does absolutely nothing for me except to create violent nausea. Apparently it works for a lot of people, but if you’re not one of them, go with the anti-inflammatories.

    Did you try to land gracefully? I’m laughing because in my younger days I remember being lectured about the proper way to land, which is in a disgraceful heap. We tend to injure ourselves by bracing our falls with a wrist or a knee. As a kid I understood this principle and managed to avoid many injuries, but as an adult I seem to have totally forgotten those lessons. My child hit a branch not long ago and did a most excellent back flip off a horse, managing a beautiful belly flop that distributed the force all about her cushy parts. Me, I never go down without a fight I know I’m going to lose.

  18. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    Careful with your knees. Once you mess ’em up, they never work the same. Stay off of it as long as the doctor tells you.

    Vicodin makes me projectile barf, but I hope it makes you feel better.

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