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Apr 07 2011

Sensitive dudes are sorry about everything, now let’s make sweet, sweet love.

This sensitive dude wants to procreate with your Divine Feminine

No time to post today (like all spinster aunts, I’ve got to sit around and watch the Decorah eagles sit around), but if you feel like curling a lip, emitting a cold, mirthless laugh, and/or shuddering at unmitigated skeeviocity, check out this ridiculous vid from the “Oh come on, it’s gotta be a parody” Department.

You know the Sensitive Dudes? They’re the New Age version of Nice Guys, dudes who act all “we understand you, O Mighty Sky-Woman of the Sun” so they can whip off a piece, right?

So in this video, a bunch of sensitive dudes who “honor the spirituality of the divine feminine” and “the intuitive sense you have to heal our planet” and “your deep connection to the earth” apologize on behalf of their “gender.” Although they haven’t personally done anything bad themselves, they acknowledge that burning witches at the stake and prostituting women and raping them and impoverishing them over the ages may have driven a wedge in between us. They’re real sorry. Now let’s all move forward together toward a “new era of procreation.”

You will experience an exceptional ick-spasm when they start “honoring the beauty and integrity of your body” and explaining that “the grip of lust” and the “unconscious masculine” — you gotta love that it’s unconscious — makes men act like assholes. Naturally this part is illustrated by images of prostituted women.

Clearly, this sincere apology erases millennia of misogynist atrocities. Women may now feel free to look the other way on that male privilege dealio, allowing uninterrupted dudely access to the Healing Moonglow of the Poontang.

Anyway, gotta motor. Enjoy the heebie-jeebies!

_____________________
Thanks (I think) to Copykat for sending it in.

Sensitive Dude foto: still from the video.

85 comments

  1. Tigs

    It’s all unconscious, so I’m not really responsible, but you should totally trust me that I’m over that now.

    I can’t decide whether the urge to shudder or vomit is stronger.

  2. CootieTwoshoes

    Did he really say “so we can move forward into a New Era of Procreation”? That was in the first 30 seconds, and I’m not real sure I can watch any more. Thanks?

  3. Zygar

    Unconscious masculine? Feminine energy? Intuition vs Logic. What a bunch of new age crap.

    So men have been oppressing women, but it’s ok because they couldn’t help it. Until now because of what? How has this “unconscious masculine” stopped oppressing women? Oh. It hasn’t. But “together we can create miracles.” Whatever that means.

  4. janicen

    Well you can stick to heartwarming nature crap full time because there is no further need for posts calling for equality or decrying the rampant misogyny which occurs every second. A handful of English speaking white dudes has apologized for the behavior ofother men, and has even forgiven women for the many times we have hurt them. We can move on now and let our intuition be our guide because the English speaking white dudes have also acknowledged that their logic and scientific reasoning (which apparently is exclusive to dudes) can now be melded with women’s intuition to bring us into balance. What a wonderful world it will be. Now let’s all explore each other’s bodies (with English speaking white dudes, of course) while new age music is playing.

  5. Asai

    No words. Well, no *constructive* words arranged in meaningful sentences. Only profound disquiet. I am incapable of conveying how deeply this disturbs me.

    You know that dude who’s standing on my head? He just noticed I was there. He would like me to know that he really appreciates my deep and meaningful connection with the Earth.

  6. norbizness

    And that’s why I hate Rusted Root.

  7. Jezebella

    I believe we used to call them Sensitive New Age Guys, or SNAGs. And having lived in Austin for a few years c. 1990, I’ve met enough of them to know that I really don’t want to watch this video.

  8. Citizen Jane

    Awww, I think it’s cute. This is pretty typical language you hear from those who have only just discovered feminism, and only just discovered that oppression exists. I think I sounded something like that when I first discovered feminism. The only twist is that they threw some New Age in along with it.

    They don’t get it yet, but they will one day if they keep trying. Some of them won’t bother to try, but hopefully some of them will and they will learn. It’s like Jill is doing the advanced calculus of feminism while they are just learning to count.

  9. tinfoil hattie

    Sensi-men! Awww.

    I am more wigged out by the fact that I just came from the Decorah eagles site before reading this post.

    Now THAT’s some coincidence! Or is it (insert Pinter pause) a melding of Jill’s and my feminine divine intuition sensing sacred holy womanlinesses?

  10. Lovepug

    I blame Fire In The Belly. Or was it Iron John? Maybe it was Fire In The John.

  11. Sylvie

    Watched with sound off – that’s a lot of meaningful looks into middle distance for one small video – and when did Iggy Pop get all New Age?

  12. humanbein

    I’d like to hear the kind of new age crap these guys would squeal if you tried to take their internet porn away from them.

  13. tinfoil hattie

    Some of them make some good blamin’ sense until they start with the “unconscious” crap.

    And I’m glad they showed the burning and the pornulation. As the only women in the video. Because we can’t imagine what that shit is like if white dudes don’t show us.

  14. Friend of Snakes

    I quit at “many of the men who have oppressed and abused you are no longer alive.” Who’s zoomin’ who? And who’s responsible for this video?

  15. Claire

    I tried to have a Citizen Jane attitude about it until the very end (don’t ask how I got there) when they said we had to “forget the past” in order to move on, you know, to the making sweet, sweet love part.

  16. Triste

    This was particularly gross for me, probably because I know a thing or two about how so many of these “worship the sacred feminine” douchebags actually operate. If you ever want to laugh yourself sick (or, you know, just get sick) you should try taking a look into the illustrious history of Wicca. You know, that religious which is oh-so-feminist because it includes a goddess alongside a god. Except for the part that when it initially started out in the 1950s, the sacred sacredness of sacred masculine-feminine sacred bonds was functionally an excuse for founder Gerald Gardner to have ritualized sex with a boatload of women, some of whom he would later toss out for being too old or too uppity. Or, in the case of Doreen Valiente, who wrote most of Gardner’s Wiccan liturgy, too much of both.

    It may seem sort of nice to hear about dudes worshipping the sacred feminine – although personally I think calling women fairies full of magic ladydust is just as dehumanizing as calling them dogs – but it’s important to know the history and context of this sort of language. It’s a little bit like “love the sinner” in that it sounds nice and forgiving until you realize that “hate the sin” is tacked on the end, and the phrase has been used to justify fucking people up pretty much since it came into use.

  17. Fictional Queen

    Seems like the other side of misogyny,a complacent “oh I love women,like,so much!” It makes them feel kind and noble!

  18. pheenobarbidoll

    Yeah, saw that. Left a comment. Also pointed out serious issues with the woman who reposted it on her FB.

  19. pheenobarbidoll

    TO the woman…not with the woman. She didn’t have the issues, other than falling for it.

  20. magriff

    I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

  21. nails

    Very no. This new agey crap always ignores women who aren’t feminine (like the butch or the cruel). What a surprise! Its almost like their apology is only aimed at women they want to bang. They are “sensitive” in a way that makes em act like conservative dudes. The kind with mainstream religion. Those guys get sorry that no one holds the door for you anymore or that deadbeat dads aren’t “protecting” women like they should be. Never sorry for the right thing.

  22. Notorious Ph.D.

    “Healing Moonglow of the Poontang” nearly caused a literal spit-take.

    If you put your ear to my labia, you can hear the strains of Enya drifting out.

  23. pheenobarbidoll

    If you put your ear to my labia, you can hear the strains of Enya drifting out.”

    I just snort laughed a sunflower seed out of my nose.

    Yes, I blame you.

    :)

  24. Samantha B

    One dude “honor[s] my capacity for peaceful resolution of conflicts,” and another “my ability to apologize and forgive with grace.” He obviously doesn’t know me at all. Or maybe my connection to the earth just isn’t deep enough.

  25. Athena Andreadis

    My collective term for people like this is Tin Johns. They usually turn to the “nicer” version of “Help us clean up our mess” when 1) things are really bad, so it’s time for massive cleaning — invariably by women, with little recognition or reward — and/or 2) they go past the age where they can have erections just by thinking about them. Come to think of it, both of these items are different aspects of the same issue.

  26. Samantha B

    The coup de grâce is their generous bestowing of forgiveness on us girls for our part in this whole mess.

  27. Bo Jangles

    Wow, excuse me while I use my feminine energy to bring up the contents of my stomach.

    While these dudes all seem completely sound of mind…what? I feel the need to point out a small but crushing flaw in their plan. How is it that they intend to suddenly take a Conscious stance against a problem supposedly built into their silly old Unconscious? Oh, that’s right, they can’t!
    Also, I feel that we really ought to thank these creeps; not only did they allow themselves to be forgiven, but they unselfishly gave women the voice to forgive themselves too. A particularly kind gesture given that we, with our intuitive feminine brains, don’t know how to speak for ourselves.
    I feel all warm and oppressed inside.

  28. Boner Killer

    Grimaced and shuddered…oh, and I also chuckled heartily at “new era of procreation.”

  29. Sarah

    I was able to force myself to sit through the whole thing without throwing up. It comes off as a New Age version of Promise Keepers.

  30. Jill

    “Come to think of it, both of these items are different aspects of the same issue.”

    Ha! Ain’t it the truth.

  31. Heather G.

    Are you sure this isn’t a segment from Portlandia? Put an apologetic, unconscious masculine psyche, co-creating bird on it!

    Off to yak.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XM3vWJmpfo&feature=fvsr

  32. A Ginva

    ugh… New age stuff really freak me out – it scares me how it’s gaining momentum and provides such an easy solution for those who can’t bear to face the crude facts of patriarchy and prefer to avoid the conclusions of feminism. haha, it’s just a question of energy unbalance! Oh well, that’s settled then, it’s nobody’s fault, sorry, everybody clear off.
    I hate how patriarchy always finds new cool and hipe ways of essentialising gender roles. And I’d also like to see some spirituality that’s not full of this gender crap.

  33. Jill

    Nearly as unpalatable as the Conscious Men is their wife, Chameli Ardagh, a “passionate feminine embodiment practitioner” who will do a private phone session with you for $300 American. She will “release” you so you can experience “lightness of being.” For $997, you get 4 sessions, plus she will “do energetic healing work on you throughout the whole process, also in between sessions.” She says that her “beloved husband’s” apology video “speaks to a deep cellular layer of the collective,” and that she finds it “profoundly healing.”

    Sail away, sail away, sail away.

  34. Cat

    Peeeryuuuke! I truly look forward to the gifts one of them wishes to share with me, but I notice that the postman hasn’t called once, let alone twice. I also appreciate the fact that they welcome my wisdom into their little group, without knowing what that might consist of but rather naively assuming that it will be full of apologies and forgiveness. The only good thing about this was that it produced Notorious PhD’s comment, which is now engraved on my memory and awaiting an appropriate moment for use.

  35. Katie

    My favorite part of this post is the still picture, most reminiscent of a mug shot. Which seems apt.

  36. Jill

    I chose him because of his expando-lobe earrings.

  37. buttercup

    “She will “release” you so you can experience “lightness of being.” For $997, you get 4 sessions, ”

    Whoo, phone sex is getting so expensive. I think I’m in the wrong line of work.

  38. Sarah

    Ah, so this is about money. Surprise, surprise.

  39. Agnieszka

    This whole apology rings hollow. “I’m sorry you were offended, ladies!” is all that I’m hearing as I see their fatuous oh-so-serious faces one by one. Dudes, I don’t care if you are willing to feel the hurt, and I don’t care if you are sorry. All I want is for you to stop it with the patriarchy already. You don’t have to fell bad; I don’t give a shit about your feelings. Your feelings don’t matter, only your actions do.

    However, I am willing to accept a redistribution of wealth as part of the apology.

  40. Ayla

    I’m 6 minutes in and I’m not convinced that this is serious. It’s so over the top and intentionally dense, it has to be a parody, right?

  41. Comrade PhysioProf

    That dude in the picture is fucken skeevy looking. If I ever saw him in a public place, I sure as fucke wouldn’t turn my back.

  42. Sargassosea

    1974 Mendicino called and wants its Love Daddies back.

  43. Ron Sullivan

    Honest to flamboozlin scudfuckin fudge on a stick, wait, yeah, it must be a parody. OK then.

    Honest to Cthulu. I got as far as “we stand before you” and couldn’t even take any more of it as parody. Is this a Plot to “Restore” ~Chastity~? Cause I can feel my lovelies puckering up. If this goes viral, nobody will ever have sex again with anybody.

  44. Ron Sullivan

    Oh, and, y’know, Poe and stuff.

  45. S

    Because I’m sure you all were wondering how to return the favor and properly atone for all the wrong we women have done, I offer you this from Arjuna’s wife:

    http://awakeningwomen.com/2010/10/21/our-deepest-apologies-to-man/

  46. Adrienne in CA

    And what’s up with the hair? One of those dudes has some species of heartwarming nature crap on his head.

  47. Sarah

    If you read the comments in that link for “women’s deepest apologies to men” there are some real gems.

  48. pheenobarbidoll

    Hell, I don’t even apologize to a man when I know I’m wrong. He can live with some unfairness, IMO. If it hurts his fee fee’s that much, I’ll hit shuffle on my labiapod and he can listen to Enya.

  49. pheenobarbidoll

    My 17 year old started twitching when I played that video for her. Even SHE saw through that crap.

  50. Foilwoman

    Fortunately, my work computer isn’t upgraded enough to watch this video (thank you, way behind IT department) so I’ll have to wait until I get home to learn of the wisdom of these men. But wait! I don’t have to do that. I read your inciteful comments and now know all. But I suspect I’ll have to go watch it to justify my need to drink a few glasses of wine afterwards.

  51. Saurs

    Basically, the lesson is: men and women are different; women are defined by their ability to take shit, like it, ask for more, and apologize for wanting it; and if you don’t forgive me you’re not a real woman. Howz that philosophy substantively different from any other woman-hating dude-friendly philosophy on the planet?

  52. Killerchick

    I’m pretty sure that Skeevy Guy no. 2 says “a new era of co-creation” (whatever that is supposed to mean), rather than “procreation”.

  53. copykatparis

    “fairies full of magic ladydust” — and so many other great stuff from the blametariat!

    I noticed they (wisely) did not allow comments on the YouTube site — haven’t re-visited it to see.

    And apologies, Jill. for sending it! But couldn’t resist. Nope, resisting temptation just ain’t my strong suit. Must be the moon.

  54. tinfoil hattie

    A woman’s group with which I am somewhat affiliated just sent out a mass e-mail with a link to the video. I’ve received two “This is so AWESOME!” responses. So I have risked further alienation by society (hell, why not?) by responding to the group with my best radfem attitudes. Of course, by “my” I mean “all the great and awesome radfem lessons I’ve leared from this here blog o’ blamers,” so I would like to thank YOU, O Blamers, for Helping Me Speak Out Against Patriarchy!

    Now, let’s go co-create some pro-creatin’. Because I worship all your bodies.

  55. The Red Knight

    I have just witnessed a hilarious example of this over at the Guardian.

    Quote in question:

    “There is not such thing as as woman dressed as a slut, there are only Godesses who wish to reveal more of their art to the world than others for the sake of mankind, for each woman is an individual and unique work art.

    If a women chooses to reveal more of her art for the sake of her art and mankind , then the world is a far richer place , we should not complain at such overwelming generosity, to do so would impoverish that art.

    Any more than we should complain at being able to enter a centre of art and culture . ”

    Translation: Stop telling women not to take their clothes off, because I’m having fun looking at them.

  56. Jill

    “I’m pretty sure that Skeevy Guy no. 2 says “a new era of co-creation” (whatever that is supposed to mean), rather than “procreation”.”

    You say potayto, I say potahto. It’s still fuckin repulsive, no?

  57. The Red Knight

    I struggled to hold down my roast pheasant and mead. I think my visor actually turned green with disgust (and I really don’t want to be mistaken for that jumped up freak, the Green Knight)

    And that was just at the wind-chimes.

  58. FemDoc

    After watching this vid, I may have to swear off hetsex forever, as my options appear to be dudesex, or “procreation” with one of the cast of characters off Megan’s List.

    I did not hear any apologies to lesbians, or women who are past the “procreation” age, or children, or women who just don’t want to have sex with dudes.

  59. orestes

    i knew it was going to be this video from the first sentence onwards. see 1:15 for the most acute case of doucheface.

  60. Killerchick

    Jill – It is still fucking repulsive, aye.

  61. awhirlinlondon

    pheenobarbidol: I don’t care what your 17 year old did. Inflicting this squick-inducing horror on an under-age person qualifies as child abuse.

  62. speedbudget

    Why do I get the feeling that all this “receiving” shit is code for money shots?

  63. Must Think of a Name

    On behalf of my gender, those dudes can sit on my single digit salute (and rotate). Meanwhile, their unconcious masculinity that isn’t their fault and anyway is only enacted by dead people can suck on it.

    In the spirit of mono-creation and all that.

  64. Amos

    They copied their format from the reading of the Declaration of Independence that was played before the last Superbowl. Maybe that’s what unconscious masculine means.

  65. Sarah

    Oh, gross. What, all people with vaginas are earth mothers now? Tell it to my rural peeps representin’ by throwing car batteries in streams. This crap sounds like the same crap that comes from boys who pretend to be jealous of women’s “power to procreate,” in hopes they’ll score sensitive dude points. Nevermind all that horrible disfigurement, pain, and years of thankless drudgery that come with it – it’s a crucible! A sacred, sacred crucible!

  66. mearl

    “I’d like to hear the kind of new age crap these guys would squeal if you tried to take their internet porn away from them.” – humanbein

    HA!

    Boy oh boy, watching that apology video was SUCH an eye-opener! What a relief to know that the harms done to women were done in the past and they’ve ALL stopped now. And no one’s responsible anyway, because they didn’t mean it! They didn’t even KNOW they were oppressing women. What a nice bunch of Dudes.

    Hey, wait just a darned minute – last time I checked, Dudes did, and still do, quite a substantial portion of their oppressing consciously. I also thought that apologising meant taking ownership of what one has done wrong, not foisting it off on dead people and one’s unconscious.

    Now I’m REALLY confused. I need to clear this up. Hang on while I check the Deluded New-Age Crystal-Waving Lute-Strumming Self-Satisfied Creepy Dude Manual of Apologies to The Female Population.

    Ah, here it is, page 12. Oh, gee whiz, I was wrong. The instructions clearly state that Dudes are free to shift the blame so as not to cause distress to their fragile egos. They’re also encouraged to apologise only to women they’d like to shtup; to categorise any females who don’t like their twisted, illogical apology as “angry bitches”; and to wear roadkill on their heads while apologising on YouTube.

    Okay, so we’re clear!

  67. Ayla

    Looks like the author of “Our Deepest Apologies To Man” couldn’t take the heat. She deleted the 2 comments I left, and now she’s deleted the whole page.

  68. Natalia

    I hope it’s OK that I read the post – but didn’t click on the video. I haven’t had morning sickness for months, but when presented with a dire situation such as this one – one just never knows.

  69. Ciccina

    “One of those dudes has some species of heartwarming nature crap on his head.”

    This comment should have been preceded by a warning – “may induce fitful snorts of laughter”

  70. sonia

    Totally agree, dudes like this can turn aggrosogynist faster than dudes with tattoos. If the ass kissing doesn’t work, they will get regular.

  71. Cara

    I have a new favorite (imaginary) song. The Healing Moonglow of the Poontang. Performed by Fire In The John. Lots of bongo and cowbell. Enya singing background vocals.

    On topic, I thank whatever deity doesn’t exist that I have dialup and can’t watch that self-congratulatory dreck. I’d be annoyed for days.

  72. Carrie

    Gross. Don’t even want to watch it.

  73. gingerest

    Dear Man,

    You are so very, very earnest. I hope it does not excessively pain you, or make you cry, when I point out that some men aren’t just unconscious – they like hurting people. And when I illustrate, using my sizeable intellect, that I am also capable of knowing things that can be expressed using Greek letters and rational argument. I hope that your consciousness is not offended by my conscious knowing aware awarenessness that I don’t give a crap about co-creating anything, because I really hate group work and incense, and nobody ever does the goddamn dishes in co-op houses and if you try to make me live in one and eat soy cheese, I swear to the holy yoni of the earth goddess that I will wrap your life-generative scrotum around your neck and massage you to death with it.
    Love and understanding
    Ginger Crankypants

  74. Jezebella

    I just have to say that it disturbs me that expando-lobe dude looks like Sting’s unkempt older brother. Yuck.

  75. Ruby Lou

    These are the guys who, at the monthly drum circle held on each full moon, magnanimously sit out for one women-only round o’ rhythm, so the women drummers present can have their own characteristically gentle, ‘lunar’ rhythmic expression, without fear of being blow away by the aggressive ‘masculine’ energies of the dude drummers. And who, when some women drummers who shall remain anonymous show up and blast the guys off their socks with some high-octane ‘lunar’ drumming, get snarly and huffy at said women drummers for not being lunar enough. Dudes, that clue you thought you had? Oh, puh-leeze.

    Decorah eagle watch is outstanding, many thanks for the link

  76. pheenobarbidoll

    “because I really hate group work and incense, and nobody ever does the goddamn dishes in co-op houses and if you try to make me live in one and eat soy cheese, I swear to the holy yoni of the earth goddess that I will wrap your life-generative scrotum around your neck and massage you to death with it.
    Love and understanding
    Ginger Crankypants”

    *just howls with laughter*

  77. veganrampage

    This bi-gender model crap is the fucking trouble in the first fucking place. JEEESUS.

  78. Cheryl

    I like how some of the testimonials appear to take place at crowded bars, and others take place in outer space.

    A guy (yes, a guy) named Robbie Q. Telfer wrote a great poem addressing this particular genre of conscious man: https://www.spokenwordredux.com/index.php?option=com_poem&task=detail&id=2290&Itemid=69

  79. Ann

    What a painful embarrasment when I read the comments from women; the one with the alter. I’m just painfully embarrassed for these people. And the creepy guy. The picture is perfect with the half cocked grin and a couple teeth missing. This is just lechery. Really gross. This can be briefly described as an emerging sex cult and I’m surprised that there aren’t toys and massage videos for sale on the “goddess” site. It’s like Raelian. When men and women find common ground outside of their sexuality; that could pass as feminism for the common person; this is just dirty.

  80. Rididill

    oh my GOD. re: woman’s apology to man, sample comment.

    ‘Where is the apology for the lies involving domestic violence that have been perpetrated on us?’

    http://awakeningwomen.com/2010/10/21/our-deepest-apologies-to-man/#comment-115534509

    This new age stuff would make me want to puke if it wasn’t too ridiculous to believe.

  81. Rididill

    oh.

    ‘Thank you for allowing me to express this for the feminine as we move into a realm of allowing the masculine to give to us without the need for us to do anything but allow them to penetrate our soul with their love. Namaste.’

    Again, not sure whether to laugh or vomit. May try both and hope does not cause choking.

  82. Nadiah

    “You’d be more receptive to his back rub if you opened up your chakras!” Heh. Thanks Cheryl.

  83. Arsepolitico

    sorry just joining the comment party. i’m lazy about whole threads, plus they usually just REALLLY REALLLY piss me off instead of make me feel better like the warm comfort of an OP usually does. @sarah: but I just wandered back to comments on this post and is this a f*ing RAPE APOLOGY?? Like, right there in the text to this guy’s wifey’s post??
    http://bquot.com/44o
    *closes book, but decides to hang on to it for later, due to morbid fascination addiction disorder*

  84. Arsepolitico

    and those comments?? where women are apologizing consistently for atrocities other men commit against men???

    toldja I was hanging on to it for later. 30 seconds later.

    Holy crap.

    And hi, everyone. Love this blog.

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