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Apr 25 2011

Misogyny in the news: that’s entertainment!

You can always rely on news headlines to breathe a bit of life into the Global Accords Governing Fair Use of Women. For example, today’s two most popular stories on the KXAN Austin News website are

Pregnant woman beaten in north Austin
and
Mom finds grown man in teen’s bed.

You already know what these stories are about, but here are the synopses anyway:

1. Some prince of a guy punched his pregnant girlfriend in the face, rendering her unconscious, when he learned that the fetus didn’t contain any of his genetic material. Unexpected paternity is a very popular justification for smacking pregnant women around. Dudes love to violently punish women for getting pronged by other dudes, as well as for getting impregnated. Take that, bitch!

2. When a 14-year-old girl seemed too reluctant to leave her bedroom for a whole day, her mother became suspicious and broke down the door, whereupon she discovered a 22-year-old dude lounging in the daughter’s bed. The dude turned out to be one of those online predators. The news story omits no titillating detail. Oh, and in case you were worried that the girl would be let off the hook, rest assured that her mother is “holding her responsible” and has taken away her cell phone and computer. Take that, teen victim of dudely predation!

Note that in both stories the victims get what they deserve. The pregnant slut gets a beatdown, and the teen slut gets shamed by her own mom.

Cultural narratives consecrating the serene glow of motherhood and the innocent beauty of youth are pretty ubiquitous, yet pregnant women and teen girls are two of the most reviled and abused subsets of the sex class you’ll find anywhere (pregnant teens might as well just hang it up; no single group on the planet is as disenfranchised). The aforementioned news stories/cautionary tales show what happens when women fail to precisely mirror the Virgin Mary. They’re popular because beating pregnant women and raping teenage girls are themselves popular. In fact, these violent experiences transcend “popular”; they’re effing universal.

How universal? Well, everyone reading the headlines either has been beaten by, or knows someone who’s been beaten by, or is himself, a fuckwad in a jealous rage. Everyone has either fantasized about raping a kid, or has raped a kid, or knows that kid, or has been that kid.

But woe betide the Internet feminist who asserts that the universality of violence against women proves the existence of a global system of misogynist oppression. Feminists, apparently for the compelling reason that that we are simply jealous of the pretty girls, never shut the fuck up and accept that women are “equal” now. A spinster aunt gets so fed up with hearing how “equal” women are that she is apt to consider a comedy bit delivered by juvenile ultramisogynist Comedy Central dudebro Daniel Tosh a breath of fresh air. I’m not even kidding.

Daneil Tosh, whose tired comedy schtick is an endeavor to give the most offense possible, is, in the parlance of his peer group, a fucking douche. Douche-itude is generally greatly admired by the peer group to which I allude, but clearly something has gone awry with young Mr. Tosh. In fact, I’m surprised he hasn’t been brought before a DudeNation tribunal to face charges of treason, because here he is on national television actually admitting, to a nation of patriarchy-deniers, that patriarchy exists.

“At least we’re not women, right fellas?”

Laughter and applause.

“Ugh. Jeez. What is that like? Is it awful? Is it horrible? To know you’re Number 2?”

Laughter.

“By the way, these aren’t my beliefs, it’s my observations on the world I live in. If it changes, I’ll adjust the material accordingly.”

Laughter.

“I love when you try to rationalize it: ‘Oh, it’s great being a woman! Free drinks is worth not having equality!’”

Laughter and applause. [From Daniel Tosh one-hour special "Happy Thoughts," aired March 2011 on Comedy Central]

I consider this a breath of fresh air, not because it’s so nice when young white dudes exploit oppression for personal gain, but because a member of Team Misogyny has actually spoketh the truth for half a second. The truth being Men Hate You.

Even if I wanted to, which I don’t, I can’t link to the actual bit, since the video, which unsurprisingly also contains hilarious jokes about raping babies and beating girlfriends, is apparently considered actual comedy gold and is kept in some kind of a comedy vault.

64 comments

  1. Kelly

    Thank you so much. This is a great piece. It also reminds me of recent events here in my home state. I need to get ahold of this young lady and tell her just how impressed I am with her. I’m avoiding commentary on any online articles.

  2. Mary

    Tosh is a swear word in my house. I hate that fucker.

  3. combat baby

    It’s a little ironic that the dudes who laugh and applaud at Tosh’s remarks (presumably because they realize there is truth to them) are probably the very same dudes who go around vehemently denying that the patriarchy even exists. What gives? Either they are oblivious to their own doublethink re: the patriarchy and women’s sub-human status, or they know they are full of shit for denying the patriarchy exists but they do it anyway because the status quo benefits them. Sometimes it seems like the former, but maybe that’s giving them too much benefit of the doubt.

  4. Karley

    My only exposure to Mr. Tosh is snippets of his Comedy Central show. From what I’ve gathered, he’s like Bob Saget without the charisma or comedic timing.

  5. humanbein

    Tosh to feminist woman who is well over forty and severely out of compliance with heteronormative beauty standards of all kinds: “I was totally kidding about women being number 2! Can’t you take a fucking joke? You need to get laid, lady!”

    Tosh to his dudely buddies, smirking in ironic glee: “Did you hear me smack down that feminist? I don’t think she believed me, but fuck her anyway. No, you fuck her! ha ha ha”

    Etc.

    Guys are taking to the idea that women are inferior as readily as they are starting to admit they like porn. Soon they’ll be warming up to the idea that rape is really easy to get away with and we’ll be living in a far more dangerous world. It all starts with jokes, they are like the canary in the coal mine.

  6. yttik

    Most men don’t deny there is a patriarchy. They celebrate it. See Tosh.

    It’s usually women who deny patriarchy and try to pretend they have equality.

  7. buttercup

    “From what I’ve gathered, he’s like Bob Saget without the charisma or comedic timing.”

    Karley, the correct response to that can only be “Oh, Snap!”

  8. Sarah

    Women and men both deny patriarchy, all the time. The only difference is that the process of having the patriarchy revealed to you, for women, is painful, mind-altering and irrevocable. Then, every time they admit its existence, they’re shouted down by everyone around them – called ugly, bitter, angry, stupid. Told that if they are this angry now, they’ll certainly never be happy, are just jealous of the pretty girls, raped, screamed at, spit on. For men, the process of having the patriarchy revealed to them, if it ever is, is like learning about any other “minority” issue – interesting only insofar as it can be used as fodder for tasteless jokes.

  9. Gayle

    Hey humanbein–

    You’ve heard about the Yale boys chanting ” No means yes, yes means anal.”

    I’d say we are already living in a world where they know they can get away with it.

  10. AlienNumber

    The Yale boys have something really nice coming to them, sometime soon (or at least Yale admins do, for being such rape-apologist Title IX violators). Stay tuned.

    On a completely different note, I’ll now pull a Christopher Hitchens and publicly declare that Men Just Aren’t Funny.

  11. Adrienne in CA

    California is already a gang-bang approved. Multiple witnesses of both sexes, plus adults piling on minor, plus similar accusation just months prior, plus civil trial standard of proof gets her bupkis.

    Tosh and his ilk are pioneers in the Primetime Porn acclimation agenda. Remember Jon Stewart’s foray into woman-dog and woman-horse sex jokes? Bestiality has so much untapped comedic potential. He seemed to have retreated (rarely watch anymore), but these things take time, so expecting phase two any minute.

  12. Nora

    I think that part of the perpetuation of the patriarchy comes from the general public’s understanding of what the patriarchy mandates coupled with a refusal to believe that this is due to anything but…natural inevitability(?). I’ve definitely had other women explain to me, in no uncertain terms, that women who “sleep around” are sluts and that men who “sleep around” are still people. But it’s always presented like “slut” is an inherent characteristic as opposed to a pretty vague insult.

    I’m pretty sure women who claim to have reached “equality” actually mean “things are as good now as they can possibly be.”

  13. Owly

    Hey Kelly, thanks for sharing that story. I’m always curious (masochistic?) enough to read comments on online articles, and almost all of the ones I read were positive. I couldn’t believe it. Granted, I only checked out two sites that reported it.

    Most of the negative responses involved the fact that they didn’t tell the boyfriend’s parents, or that they lied in general. I have to share this one gem though:

    “WELL SUCKLE MY TEETS. THIS JUST PROVES YOU SHOULD NOT GET KNOCKED UP. SO WHAT IS SO SMART ABOUT THAT? WE ALL KNEW THAT IN THE OLD DAYS. THE KIDS ARE JUST LEARNING THAT NOW? SHOULD HAVE KEPT UP TEACHING THE KIDS A LONG TIME AGO. WHY YOU IDIOTS EVER STOP TEACHING THEM IS BEYOND ME. WELL PREGNANT OR NOT IT ALL WORKS OUT IN THE END.. HA HA.”

    Even though I have the unfortunate habit of reading comments, I don’t think I’ll be able to for the two links in the post. Hell, I haven’t even been able to read them yet, because, honestly, I’m scared and I don’t think I could handle it right now. I also know exactly what to expect.

  14. Smash Patriarchy

    I’ve long stopped watching male comedians, or I guess male anything, because they just can’t seem to resist. It’s like they have to meet a quota. The longer they go during a set without reminding the audience about our inferior status, the more word vomit they spew at once about women later on.

    Tosh is trash.

  15. virago

    A dude beats up a pregnant woman because he learned he wasn’t the father of her baby. If it’s true he isn’t the father, I say this woman is lucky. She doesn’t need this guy getting visitation rights or custody down the road. That said, maybe the baby is his, and the woman lied about him being the father for obvious reasons. I sure don’t blame her. Who needs this guy in their child’s life? OTOH, if said baby really isn’t his, and the woman didn’t say so out of fear, this guy would be whining paternity fraud down the road plus endangering the woman anyway. A woman can’t win either way. She’s damned if she do and damned if she doesn’t. Woman are always accused of lying by MRAs, and in cases where a woman did lie, none of these assholes ever consider their own behavior as a reason.

  16. Jill

    “Most men don’t deny there is a patriarchy. They celebrate it. See Tosh.”

    Wot? They all deny it. Whenever a woman happens, in passing, to mention some little something about patriarchal oppression, adjacent dudes fall all over themselves to smack her down for being a man-hater or being crazy or being so ugly that she can’t get laid. They explain how their girlfriend’s roommate is a stripper and she laughs all the way to the bank. They tell you how their girlfriend loves to give blowjobs. They tell you women can vote and own property now, and besides the Secretary of State is a woman, so shut the fuck up about inequality. They never actually get up and say out loud “Why yes, I couldn’t agree more; as a matter of fact, men do hate women.”

  17. allhellsloose

    Women who criticise patriarchy are termed Feminazi (“because wanting to be treated like a human being is just like invading Poland”).

    Men who highlight the patriarchy are funny. Ha. Ha. Funny. Not peculiar. If you don’t get the joke then lighten the feck up.

    Agree Twisty, men hate women and Greer is right, women have no idea how much they do. But I’m sure there are dudes out there who claim that some of their best friends are women (not the ones they are pronging – that doesn’t count).

  18. Lovepug

    Blametariat is on fire in this thread. I have nothing to add but a hell to the yes.

    Well that and may a crow swoop down and peck out Tosh’s eyes. Or at least crap on his head.

  19. Ottawa Gardener

    Forgive me for this but I just feel this urge to scream at the system. (screaming) Okay, now I’m taking a deep breath and saying that not only do men and women, generally speaking, deny patriarchy but the thing that irks me the most is how many male partners call their woman subordinates the boss. Sometimes this is just an annoying and ironic nickname and sometimes it is just an excuse for doing the stuff they want and leaving all other administrative/household/child rearing duties to the lower class because afterall they are ‘only’ men and men are like bumbling idiots when it comes to doing dishes or filling bottles or presiding over some other tedious detail in life. This double top dog-clueless puppy designation means that instead of planning Thanksgiving dinner, they can play on their Xbox or complete a research grant, or fit in appropriate alternative example here. No, this isn’t meant as a blanket statement but it is a very common observation in my world. (screaming)

    What can I say about those articles. I can’t stomach reading them. Just two more examples of the painful reality.

  20. Fictional Queen

    I think at least some men are well aware there is a patriarchy.When women or anyone says it out loud,they deny it.But deep down they know,and they’re amused by it,and they deeply enjoy it and celebrate it.Makes them feel superior.My dad enjoys watching documentaries about women’s rights because when they talk about how much women’s human rights has been taken away from them,he really enjoys it.
    Guys are just taking to the idea that women are inferior? I thought they thought that all along (since forever) and treated women as such!!

  21. Fictional Queen

    @Ottawa Gardener
    And then men say they are naturally more fitted to rule the world.So when it comes to making all the laws and being the leaders of countries,men are better.But when it comes to oh so complicated stuff like doing dishes,women are suddenly better.But of course,when it comes to being chefs men are better.When it comes to being enslaved in the kitchen women are better…How do people not see such obvious hypocrisy?Either we’re crazy or they are!

  22. Kelly

    @Owly
    When I first read the article I saw four positive comments, and I was so pleased. Things have since descended. That ALL CAPS comment seems to be missing the point of the young lady’s experiment. Or maybe that ALL CAPS commentor is just a bully/oppression apologist of the garden-variety.

  23. Paine

    There are some times that actually find myself wishing fake-egalitarian-actually-sexist men would just admit they are misogynists. At least with people like Tosh you know what you get (and how terrible it is), and they admit that sexism is not dead! I mean, ack. I know probably two men that admit that sexism is still quite alive (and so that I have a right to be angry)!

  24. K.C.

    Another gem from Tosssssh:

    “Being an ugly woman is like being a man– you hafta WORK for a living!”

    Hardy har har.

  25. Bushfire

    “Being an ugly woman is like being a man– you hafta WORK for a living!”

    Well, fuck, I must have been beaten with the ugly stick,
    because I find that the rent doesn’t pay itself unless I get out and work! Silly me, I thought I could just put on makeup and the bank account would fill right up!

  26. No Sugarcoating

    Oh my God, I just looked up that Yale incident. Feel physically ill. The. Fuck. I don’t even know where to start…

  27. speedbudget

    Wait. You mean sitting around in a dress and heels won’t make the house clean or get the bills paid?

    Shit. I need a new plan.

  28. Owly

    Ladies, ladies, you’re missing the point. If you’re pretty enough you can be a trophy wife. You’ll never have to worry about money again. The servants will clean the house, you won’t have to lift a dainty finger.
    Until your old husband dies. Even though you’ll have made sure you stole all his money before, you’ll need to find some other lonely old man to prey on before you blow it all on shoes. Amiright?

  29. allhellsloose

    No.

  30. kate

    Actually, I can pretty easily get most men to admit that we and they live in a world in which men get favored treatment/status and women get the shits. Sometimes I takes a little bit to get them there, but like herding a cow down the road, it just takes a little patience and gentle guidance.

    I attribute this to two factors:

    1. I’m getting old and ugly and men don’t care about proving anything to me.

    2. I’m getting old and ugly and men share the ugly truths with me more than they used to because they don’t have to do the hard work of getting the chance to screw me.

    Oh and I have another one:

    3. I’m getting old and ugly and remind many men of their older sister or their mom or (please not yet!) their nana, so telling me stuff from their little bitty hearts just comes natural.

    I think most men are damn well cognizant of the existence and power of the patriarchy and know damn well that they get to step up to the buffet table first — sometimes they are the only ones who get to the table at all.

    Their silly rants about reverse sexism, injustice in family court and all the rest of their rot about “feminazis” is just their righteous anger at them damn women for coming in and ruining a good thing. Period.

  31. Comrade Svilova

    A lot of (white, straight, cis, TAB) men recognize patriarchy but find thinking about marginalized groups “depressing.”

  32. CrazyQuilter

    my Nigel likes to claim that i live in a miserable, grim, crapsack world of my own creation. he says i see sexism everywhere. you know. in magazines, in movies, in music videos, on every third billboard on the street.

    he keeps trying to “invite” me into his own “happy, fun world”, where things like rape and sexism and strangers growling insults-and-threats-thinly-disguised-as-praise at you and groping you don’t exist. he does not understand that the reason these things don’t exist in HIS world is because HE IS A MAN.

    and yet, he acts like the world *I* live in is the one that doesn’t exist. but when i bring up statistics and stories about horrific things men do to women, he likes to ask why i “focus” on such sad things.
    i ask him why he thinks it is that such stories are so common, and why the statistics are so high. usually that stops him, and he appears to be thinking really, really hard about it–or doing his best to think AROUND it.
    i, personally, do not understand how a man as intelligent as he is can completely fail at basic logic like this. and i will say, he’s one of the better Nigels–but even so, he still falls into the same trap as other dudes by simply being unable to see the world the way it actually is. and yes, by that i DO mean that the world is, in fact, a miserable, grim, crapsack world–for most of the people in it who are not wealthy, male and able-bodied.

  33. Ayla

    Lots of men seem completely happy to admit that patriarchy exists…. as long as you’re talking about over THERE where those other WEIRD dudes and their oppressed women live. Not HERE where HE is.

  34. Jezebella

    CrazyQuilter, I have had that exact conversation with any number of dudes, but none of them are living in my house, so I have no advice for you. I can’t deal with guys who think the world is a friendly, safe, happy fun world for everybody just because it is for THEM. It’s the very definition of privilege. Is he a stoner, perhaps? Because I find stoner dudes particularly hate it when you harsh their mellow with your depressing observations and talking and whatnot.

    Ayla, In my experience most men will admit that the thing we call patriarchy exists if you describe it without using the p-word, but they don’t ever want to call it patriarchy.

  35. Ayla

    I was specifically talking about a particular breed of men who are more than happy to use the P word… Just not when talking about America/Canada/Whatever western country they live in and want to exempt. These are typically self described “progressive” men. Often democrats, but sometimes libertarians or independents on the political spectrum.

    It almost seems like a sort of badge of your progressiveness and “woman friendliness” to throw about the P word these days when talking about the Arabic world or places in Africa, for example. But try to apply the same kind of analysis to the world in general, and suddenly Mr Progressive starts looking quite douchey.

  36. yttik

    The vast majority of men are quite aware they live in a patriarchy and they celebrate it. If they’re telling you something different, then they’re either peeing on your leg or they’re liberal men trying to manipulate you into having sex with them.

    Men are quite aware of their male privilege and hold their sense of male entitlement close to their hearts. Don’t let them fool you with silly words designed to smack you down for pointing out the inequalities. The whole point of the smack down is to get you to STFU because they’re well aware they live in patriarchy and they wish to preserve it.

    And actually yes, many of them do flat out admit they hate women.

  37. Erinyes

    I’ve been under the impression that dating dudes is a good idea for the better part of my sexually active years. I got divorced a couple of years back, found this blog, and have never been happier. Except for the part where I’m still under the impression that dating dudes is for me. I think my favorite is when I ask a dude if he knows at least ten other dudes. The answer is always yes. I tell him that statistically, at least one of them is a rapist. His inevitable answer is, “but I don’t think they could be capable of it!” This is right before I start looking for the escape hatch.

    Ayla – I’ve never found them to use the P word, but agree that the ‘over there’ mentality is prevalent in middle America. As long as they can believe it isn’t happening here. I do wonder how many of them actively participate, specifically where trafficking in the midwest occurs.

  38. CrazyQuilter

    @ Ayla–yes, those “progressives” are the vile sort who think that our porn-soaked, flagrantly misogynist culture is somehow the pinnacle of achievement and development.
    they like claim our wonderful Western Whitebreadtopia is Oh So Great because we’re not as bad as Those Countries, where Them Evil Brown Men are legally allowed to own–er, excuse me, marry–as many women as they want, and can literally do whatever they want to “their” women at will, for any reason, without fear of serious legal repurcussions.

    you know. because needing to compare your home country to brutally oppressive theocratic dictatorships to make your country look good is DEFINITELY a sign of how progressive said home country is.

  39. CrazyQuilter

    @ Jezebella – no, he’s not a stoner. i really think he is just phenomenally naive; being a young man in college, our culture still allows him that luxury.

  40. speedbudget

    You know what? I want to watch Thelma and Louise again.

    Now THERE is a movie that doesn’t get much replay on the cable.

  41. Jezebella

    Oh, CrazyQuilter, honey, I gotta say this, and I almost never give relationship advice, and certainly not to strangers, but I have been on that particular merry-go-round, and it goes absolutely nowhere: DMFA. He will make you crazy with his patriarchy-denying and his dismissal of your feelings and responses to the patriarchy. If he can dismiss the misery of others so easily, choose to willfully be blind to the shit patriarchy does to people *not like him*, he is lacking in the kind of empathy necessary to be a quality partner.

  42. nails

    CrazyQuilter, its one thing if your nigel says that kind of crap and apologizes later for being such an asshole, but one that continues to deny an experience just because *he* doesn’t have them? That is a maturity problem, a serious one that will present itself again when some other problem arises that has to do with your perception vs what he would prefer to exist. I would GTFO immediately. He is essentially calling you someone who is lying for pity. Dudes get the impression that they can say/do whatever they want and women will just put up with it. Don’t put up with it if it is possible to avoid it.

  43. Ayla

    I’m going to have to agree with Jezebella and nails. He sounds cruel.

  44. EmilyBites

    I know CrazyQuilter didn’t ask for advice, but (anecdata alert) until a few months ago I was in that same relationship. Talk about mental torture.
    Someone who denies your actual, real-life experience and says you’re looking for things to be unhappy about, doesn’t get it. Doesn’t want to get it. Deliberately chooses to to harm you psychologically by telling you that what is hurting you is in your mind. It’s soul-destroying to try to reconcile the man who supposedly loves you with the douchebag who insists that ‘you must be doing something because no other woman I’ve ever met has told me she’s been harassed in the street’.
    Dudes love to deny the existence of patriarchy. It suits them. It’s a total drag to think about systemic misogyny, and when a woman tries to point it out, that’s a total boner-killer. Men prefer happy smiley women who like the status quo because a woman who wants to be treated like a human being will always be agitating for you treat her like one (and you’re not going to do that, obviously!)

  45. Bedelia Bloodyknuckle

    This is the type of shit that makes you slap your forehead a million times!

  46. Comrade Svilova

    I’ll jump on the blamer wagon and say that I’m currently in the process of ending a relationship where I’m depicted as the gloomy, depressing, negative individual who focuses too much on the terrible things in the world and who takes pop culture and such too seriously. According to my Nigel, I have a choice to be happy and ignore all the problems with our society. But as you said, CrazyQuilter, that’s not actually a choice when you’ve been subjected to sexism and misogyny in your own life. Constantly. In fact, it’s liberating for me to explore internet feminism and feminist theory, because it explains why these crappy things happen. I don’t have to wonder and blame myself for the professor who sexually harassed me, the dudes who dismissed me in class, the male bosses I have who judge me because I can’t navigate the Old Boys Club they run. Instead, IBTP.

    But apparently that makes me really depressing to be around.

    It kills me to break up with this Nigel, because he really does have wonderful qualities. But he can’t grok why feminism is actually *liberating* and powerful for me, not dark and depressing. And he can’t grok why I don’t want him to solve my problems or tell me to ignore them because Shit Happens. That’s not an answer I’m willing to accept. I expect more of people and I want to really understand why Shit Happens. I don’t want to just accept that life sucks (for vague and undefined reasons) and “be happy.” I want to understand how the world works and how this dystopia has been constructed.

    And in the end, the relationship doesn’t work for either of us. And ending it is the right thing to do. All my best wishes for you in navigating your own relationship.

  47. cootie twoshoes

    Good luck, Comrade Svilova. You set a good example.

  48. Jezebella

    Hello, my name is Jezebella and I am a buzzkill, boner-killer, and harsher of mellows. For years – nay, decades – I have offended dudes with my silly refusal to ignore oppression, patriarchy, kyriarchy, murder, rape, and abuse. I have been importuned to lighten up, chill out, relax, be happy, and when all of that fails, shut the fuck up.

    It took me a while to get strict about it, but it is an absolute red-flag of a deal-breaker when a dude friend or acquaintance decides I’m just too uptight and need to chillax and not bum him out, mang. As soon as I get put in the boner-killer category, I put him on the cut-list. Shazam. Saves me a world of frustration and lobe-asploding.

  49. Frumious B

    I dated CrazyQuilter’s boyfriend. Those men are Privilege Denying Dudes (didn’t Jill cover that meme here? Google it. It’s enlightening both for the anthropology and for the crap the tumblr owner got for pointing out their existance.)

    Anyway, this Nigel was a stealth privilege denying dude, and it fucked with my head well and truly. Piece of unasked for advice for the blametariat, when Nigel tells you that you look for things to get upset about, dtmfa. He’s not taking you seriously, and he is incapable of taking you seriously.

  50. Ticki Tumbo

    Every single dude I have ever known, even the most enlightened feminism friendly types eventually say or do some sexist jackass shit that shows that they really do believe they are superior because they are male. Every single one.

  51. Comrade Svilova

    Yesterday I got two compliments on my feminist t-shirt from lovely women who came into the shop where I work. Solidarity!

    Meanwhile, I’m dropping some friends who mock my feminism and spout the nonsense about men and women being the “sun and the moon” and not EQUAL but complementary.

    To his credit, Nigel has been arguing with one of his friends about this. She maintains that men and women are immutably different and yin and yang and so on. He’s been telling her to think about where those things come from — social constructs maybe? He’s a pretty advanced Nigel, and groks a lot of stuff, and we will stay friends.

    But hearing that I’m so negative and gloom and doom-y and that it brings him down just puts a major damper on my blaming. And it doesn’t make him happy either. So we will part.

  52. Jill

    “dtmfa”
    “GTFO”
    “DMFA”

    What the fuck do these seeming examples of random typing mean? And why is there a proliferation of them on my blog? The horror!

  53. Tigs

    Hmmm, while Get The Fuck Out is still internet-speak, it was my vague impression that Dump The Mother-Fucking Asshole and its variants were almost like a difficult to pronounce, but generally acceptable universal acronym in these environs–

    like “scuba” or “radar” for savage death island.

  54. Comrade Svilova

    I believe misogynistic and generally problematic columnist Dan Savage popularized DTMF. While I support his strong stance that people should not put up with dehumanizing BS in their relationships and should feel free to dump useless significant others, he has many other strong stances that deserve at the very least a sideways glance if not a full out flame war.

  55. Frumious B

    DTMFA stands for “dump the mother fucker already.” It was coined by Dan Savage, who is quite the jackass in many ways.

    I’m going to proliferate PDD for privilege denying dude. PPDD for the subspecies of progressive privilege denying dude.

  56. Frumious B

    PS,

    The term m— f—, while useful in expressions such at dtmfa, is itself an expression of patriarchal misogyny.

  57. Jezebella

    Oops. DTMFA means “dump the m-f already” and I should never have used it, for reasons pointed out above. Sorry, y’all.

  58. nails

    Wait a minute, GTFO isn’t kosher but “shazam” goes unmentioned as an offense against language?

  59. Jill

    Is “GTFO” a word? No. Is “shazam” a word? Yes. The prosecution rests.

  60. Lily Underwood

    I hate that fucking Tosh dude.

  61. sonia

    Not only should “Daniel Tosh is a douche” be a post, it should be a fucking blog. No dude- it should be a URL.

    The only thing that makes Tosh less of a douche than, say, Mel Gibson is his lack of money because all he has is his stupidly designed, badly laugh tracked, utterly pathetic basic cable show. He’s sexist, and not even in a smart-yet-still-an-ass way. he’s sexist the way 7th grade boys are sexist- he still thinks that it’s funny, and he probably kicks roadkill when he comes across it too, and then breaks into that idiotic smile that would euthanize anything with a bit of sense over the course of 30 eternal minutes of that stupid show. And he’s like 35.

    I have never wanted to slap anyone so badly. I cannot believe he ever gets laid.

  62. sonia

    p.s. Because I wouldn’t give him a piece if he was holding a bag full of all Mel Gibson’s Domestic-Violence-charges payoff bribe money.

    Booya, loser.

  63. CrazyQuilter

    @ Comrade Svilova–
    My Nigel makes the same claims–occasionally peppered with mild questions as to why i’m so sensitive.
    i TOLD him, once, why i was so sensitive–i told him the complete, unadulterated truth.
    i told him that, from a very early age, i was keenly aware that 99.5% of existing media was not intended for me, or even people like me. (i am a black woman.) i told him that i’ve known for years that even the people who don’t think i’m invisible think i am an animal, and not a very bright or even attractive one, at that. i told him that sometimes, just going out in public is a major exercise, and a severe psychological trial for me. i told him that every second of every day, lurking just behind every magazine page and under every third stranger’s tongue, were things that could cut me into bloody shreds.
    i told him that sometimes, it’s not a matter of ENJOYING life, so much as ENDURING it. for realsies, and not because *I* am a gloom-cookie.

    he cried. i listened to his voice break as he cried, and asked me how i even went through life, if everything hurt me.
    i didn’t say anything. how could i tell him how i survive?

    (the answer, of course, is feminism. seriously, you all keep me SANE. the gorier the feminist site, the better–i find it incredibly validating to know that there are other people out there who see and experience and UNDERSTAND what i see, that we are RIGHT, that we are NOT making shit up to be depressed about, and that my personal fears and worries are NOT irrational.)

    thanks to everyone for the concern!
    i don’t know about the future of our relationship, because i’m not sure if that empathetic part of him is still alive.
    the convoluted point i’ve been teetering towards is that, at least at one point, he was THERE. for one brilliant, mind-searing instant, he UNDERSTOOD.

    also, sorry, Twisty, i didn’t mean to take over your thread and turn it into a relationship advice thing.

  64. ptittle

    “Men hate women” has never seemed quite right to me, and I’ve been trying to put my finger on why. I think it’s because hate, as the polar extreme of dislike, requires a knowing — you have to know something in order to say you don’t like it.

    I think (most) men’s attitude toward women doesn’t reach that high; they have contempt for us. Or possibly, they simply don’t even recognize us as members of the same species. We are simply cunts. I read this horrifying porn story once conceptualizing women as ‘cunt animals’ – they were chained and brought by their owners to run in a race, much like greyhounds – the winner got fucked, can’t quite remember what happened to the losers.

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