Ha, I was joking about sitting down, because as you know there is nothing more predictable than a cosmetics conglomerate trying to prove with number 1 science information that their useless, demeaning products aren’t useless and demeaning. But before you die of ennui, digest for a moment that in this study, “snap judgements” were used to rate the trustworthiness, warmth, approachability, and competence of women wearing varying amounts of spackle. The spackle levels were “barefaced,” “natural,” “professional,” and “glamorous.”
Dude Nation translation: “lesbian,” “lazy,” “Patty Hewes,” and “slut.”
Apparently the more makeup you wear (and of course buy), the more awesome people think you are when making snap judgements about you. Snap judgements, as you know, are the main kind of judgment people make about women.
The New York Times article reporting on the study contains the following assertions made by an assortment of certified beauty experts:
“The pursuit of beauty is a biological as well as a cultural imperative.”
On my home planet, the planet Obstreperon, this statement translates as “Women are hardwired to align their appearance with pornographic fads as a reflection of their one true purpose as cosmetics consumers and sex toilets.”
“Women and feminists today see [wearing makeup] is their own choice, and it may be an effective tool.”
I don’t wax my eyebrows to appease people making snap judgements about me, I do it because I choose porn-compliant eyebrows. Choosing makes me a feminist. If porn-compliance happens appease to people making snap judgements, well, that’s entirely accidental.
The empowerfulized consumerist:
“There are times when you want to give a powerful ‘I’m in charge here’ kind of impression, and women shouldn’t be afraid to do that,” by, say, using a deeper lip color that could look shiny, increasing luminosity.
Ah, luminosity, luminosity. Who among us has not been afraid to go for just a little more luminosity, that most elusive of all the cosmetics industry’s mythic feminine attributes, the luminosity that will transform us from cold, unapproachable, incompetent slatterns to “I’m in charge here”?
Well, dudes, for one. When a dude wants to give an “I’m in charge here” kind of impression, he’s not reaching for a deeper lip color. How many straight dudes do you know who give a flip for luminosity? Dudes don’t yearn for beauty. Their yearnings are more realistic: they wish to be rock stars, astronauts, international playboys. Theirs is a world of action. Ours is a world of passive shininess.