Nov 10 2011

Whew, that was close

Wouldn’t you know it, my office was recently swallowed up by a quantum vortex-oscillation anomaly, so, obviously, I haven’t been able to get much blaming in. However, the subspace crystalline entity hasn’t yet been spontaneously generated that could prevent this professional spinster aunt from discharging two of her most cherished duties: recognizing a human rights victory, and hacking up loogey of savage death disdain for busybody godbags everywhere. It is in this spirit of consororitous obstreperosity that I step across the event horizon into this bizarro-universe to publish this post.

I know it is a bizarro-universe because I am typing the following words:

Let us mark with a glad cry the defeat of Initiative 26, the depraved attempt by delusional godbags in Mississippi — the most delusionally godbaggy state in the US — to confer “personhood” on fertilized human eggs. Hah-yee ip-ip! A heartfelt butch-ass chin-nod of appreciation goes out from Spinster HQ to everyone who worked on the successful campaign to smush that extremely crappy amendment.

I have to say, zygote worship truly is one of the freakier manifestations of modern fundamentalist misogyny. Here is a zygote (magnification 2.73 bajillion):

Zygote: Suck it, human host! I rule and you're Number 2!

How could the Lard love that dumb thing more than, for example, me?

Spinster aunt hails a TARDIS.

I’m not only a more scintillating conversationalist than a zygote, but I can type faster, I pay taxes, and I look better in plaid. Jesus! These meddling religioshitbags! Their deity is a total loser with bad taste.

As you know, whenever people go around recognizing odd bits of reproductive matter as “persons,” they simultaneously un-recognize women as persons, ceding ownership of women’s personal internal organs to the state and instituting a programme of compulsory pregnancy. If Initiative 26 had passed, those two cells up there would actually have more human rights than an actual human woman. For instance, unlike actual women, the state wouldn’t be able to dictate to the cells what they could or couldn’t do with their personal organelles. The state probably doesn’t even know what organelles are. Furthermore, zygotes would enjoy state-mandated free room and board at their human host’s expense. They wouldn’t even have to pay for cable.

But the lives of actual human women would remain subject to the whim of the Jesus-sucking mob. Raped at 14 by your mother’s meth-head boyfriend? Suck it, whore, you’re bringin’ that fetus to term. Got cancer and need chemo and radiation? Suck it, whore, you’re bringin’ that fetus to term. Aren’t feelin’ it with the compulsory pregnancy dealio, like it might be somewhat discrepant from your goal to win the Tricorder X Prize? Suck it, whore, you’re bringin’ that fetus to term! And you’d better be a good mother once it’s born — so no getting depressed, no having a glass of wine to dull the crushing pain of your hijacked life, no having any time to yourself — or we’ll put you on the evening news and throw the kid in foster care with pedophiles.

Another point on the depraved misogyny continuum is this shit in Saudi Arabia, where it is a flippin headline when a woman drives a flippin car. Saudi women, as you know, are banned from driving. Apparently if they jaunt around town behind the wheel they become sin-magnets who give God brain tumors. In Saudi Arabia, women never reach the age of majority. They are, their whole lives, wholly owned subsidiaries of male dudes, and can’t do anything without dudely permission.

So the other day some 29 Saudi women got fed up with this program. They took to the open road and drove to the grocery store. This act of defiance unleashed quite the furor.

An anti-driving group on Facebook has called on “real men” to beat up women who drive. On Twitter, activists were called “westernised whores.” Washington Post

Dudes on the Internet: so classy the world over.

Considering that last September a woman who got busted for driving while female was sentenced to 10 lashes by some Muslim putzwad whose deity is also a total loser, these 29 rogue drivers also get a heartfelt butch-ass chin-nod from Spinster HQ. May the day soon arrive when they can fire their hated chauffeurs.

(As a westernised whore, I personally think having a chauffeur would be awesome, but à chacun son gôut.)


Skip to comment form

  1. Kea

    That close? Perhaps voters were more swayed by concerns for the economic ramifications (women moving interstate, en mass) than concerns for actual, living women.

  2. Barefoot Doctoral

    Cute as you are in plaid, the zygote is far less opinionated, and thus easier for the Lard to subjugate, and thus love.

    Snark aside, I’ve really been impressed at the form the movement against this amendment took. Specifically that there were normally pro-life women speaking out against amendment 26.

  3. Kelly T.

    Have the misfortune of an ectopic pregnancy? Suck it whore, you’re gonna die.

  4. quixote

    Yes, yes, yes, and yes. I’m feeling like a great mind because I’ve been thinking like Twisty. “Demotion of women to non-persons fails” I said. But being a pessimist, I added “For now.”

    I can’t believe we’re fighting these battles here, in the third millenium.

    Not much to differentiate us and the Saudi 29 except a few perks.

    But people boycotted South Africa over a much lesser degree of apartheid. I guess the difference there was it included real persons.

  5. eli osaurus

    wouldn’t get too excited.

    apparently if your shit boyfriend leaves you while your pregnant, and you can’t cope so you eat some rat poison, and then you survive and your baby dies.. your going to jail. for life. for murder.


  6. yttik

    “…there were normally pro-life women speaking out against amendment 26.”

    That speaks to why I am always advocating that women unite and put women first. United, we are the majority. Divided, and this bill would have passed.

  7. Owly


  8. Kea

    One question for the King of Saudi Arabia: if women need chaperones to be respectable, why is it OK for them to drive around with a strange man in the car?

  9. Jenni

    We did work hard. It was an outside group that put 26 on our ballot so don’t expect them to go away. And it’s not like this changes much. Mississippi still only has this one clinic here in Jackson and you still have no chance of getting anything done after 12 weeks. Even in an emergency the health care person can invoke what’s called a conscience clause. I think we managed to dodge this bullet based on two things: racism and hypocrisy. But right now I think I’m at least a little glad for those two things. It was almost totally grass roots on our side, the Democrats were no where to be seen. We had one lady in our state house come out against it. I just hope everyone else can follow our lead because I hear Florida’s on their list of places they want to try this. I wish we had some sort of underground birth control railroad so when they do manage to sucker some people into passing this crap we can still help the women out.

  10. Tigs

    Oh, those bookcases! Swoon!

  11. Jezebella

    Jenni! Another Mississippi blamer!? I thought I was the only one. We should meet for margaritas. I worked on the campaign down here in Golden Eagle territory (trying to keep my locale slightly anon out here on the interwebs). And where the hell WERE the Democrats, now that you mention it??

  12. hayduke

    My Western whore behavior gives God brain tumors?

    Not that I needed another reason, but fuckin’ A!

  13. TwissB

    @quixote: “I can’t believe we’re fighting these battles here, in the third millenium.”

    And on into the fourth millenium as long as we (that “we” language is disingenuous because I don’t mean me) keep on submissively letting men set the terms of the debate. To cite just one reality that keeps being ignored: constitutionally speaking (and that, it may surprise everyone to hear, matters to men) men are persons, corporationshavwe been sort of persons for 150 years, and women are not persons. So why in the everloving blue-eyed world didn’t feminists greet the Mississippi bill with peals of merry laughter and use it as a wonderful oppportunity to let other women in on the Great American Family Secret? As long as feminists keep covering for them, misogynists can keep the game going, while all those nice guys stand around trying to keep from snickering as they urge women activists to “let’s you and him fight.”

  14. Notorious Ph.D.

    Jenni, I wasn’t aware that it was an outside group. That would make me, were I a Mississippi woman, hopping mad. I mean, here are the worst of the woman-haters, sitting around a table, and saying “We have this totally extreme bit of legislation. What state is full up enough of idiots that it will pass?” It’s insulting to your state, that even the morons take you for fools.

    I say kick ’em all in the stones. Unless, of course, they’re already drafting legislation to reclassify a good groin kick as “zygote endangerment.”

  15. Nepenthe

    That zygote might look pretty good in plaid.

  16. minervaK

    Methinks that Twisty has been going through her photographic archives. Hailing a Tardis, my ass! Clearly, that is the library of the Hindenburg, as evidenced by the classy steampunk eyewear.

  17. Kaia

    I still can’t believe this stuff still goes on, I’m not sure if I’m more sickened or terrified. For all the people saying men and women are equal now, can we start putting men’s rights up for a vote?
    I know men hate women but doesn’t anyone (Besides feminists) seem to think that maybe voting on how a group of people may or may not live their lives a bit strange? how their bodies will be used against their will whether they will die or not?
    I find the whole thing deeply depressing, it makes me want to go around annihilating men with a flame thrower for the good of the intelligent nation
    For the nightmares these things give me IBP!!

  18. Fannie Farmer (Mrs.)

    I share your joy at the defeat of the pro-zygote amendment, but wonder if it’s really true that Mississippi is “the most delusionally godbaggy state in the US”. What about Texas?

  19. Jill

    Texas is also the most delusionally godbaggy state in the US. We’ve got Austin, though, which sort of mitigates.

  20. allhellsloose

    Yes these delusionals will happily attempt to give rights to zygotes but do they shout, stamp and rage over selective abortions, female, in Asia? I can’t hear them.

    Had a miscarriage? Suck up the potential murder charge whore! Because the police and health care system has nothing better to do but investigate. The mind. It boggles. Don’t delusionals realise that all actions have consequences? Oh, yeah, they’re delusional.

    There’s plenty of room for the 51% in the Tardis. Or perhaps we should pack the 49% in and wave goodbye!

  21. AlienNumber

    TwissB, you make amazing points.
    We, feminists, may have won this little battle, but the war? Not as long as it’s on men’s turf, on men’s terms.

    Let’s pass the ERA.

  22. Jezebella

    Notorious: Yep, Personhood USA is a Colorado group. There’s a Personhood Mississippi org, but most of their money for this campaign – over $300,000 – came from the Colorado org. And THEY had the nerve to make a big fuss over money coming to the opposition from “outside agitators.” P-USA failed twice in Colorado so they found a true believer in MS to promote their stupid hateful agenda.

  23. Super Anon For This


    Long time reader & poster here. Please help me – I am so freaking triggered by this Penn State crap – dealing with similar shit around my own son, who is 11 – men on Facebook cautioning me not to circumvent our beloved jury system because we don’t KNOW that these acts happened, and we can’t convict without a jury trial, and basically I should STFU and let them mansplain the way things ought to be.


  24. Bushfire

    I wish we had some sort of underground birth control railroad so when they do manage to sucker some people into passing this crap we can still help the women out.

    I have faith that if godbags were to pass misogynist legislation, an underground birth control movement would occur. I would definitely be a part of it. I would go right to jail for it. I care about women.

  25. nerdette

    Looks more like a two-celled embryo, not a zygote.

    Carry on.

  26. tinfoil hattie

    I would definitely be part of an underground birth control and abortion movement.

  27. Melanie

    Re: underground birth control movement: Have y’all ever heard of Jane? It was a women’s collective in Chicago that trained themselves to perform secret abortions before Roe v. Wade. I know I watched a documentary somewhere on the net but I can’t seem to find it now.

    Let’s have ourselves a Southern Blamers Convention. I’m in Memphis.

  28. allhellsloose

    Once wrote a short story about bookcases in a room. Nice pic.

  29. Laurie

    Bushfire, Tinfoil and Melanie,

    Yes. Scary to think we have to go back to the days of Jane and the Army of Three, but Women’s Health Specialists and other feminist women’s health centers have been aware of this for some time, pinoeering menstrual extraction techniques originating with the Del-Em.

    I have the honor of knowing one of those pioneers: 83-year-old Pat Maginnis. In the early ’60s, she and two cohorts, Rowena Gurner and Lana Phelan Clarkm stood out on the street corners of San Francisco to pass out flyers from their “Society for Humane Abortion,” which she revised into a political wing, ARAL, which eventually became today’s NARAL.

    Along the way, these three women, almost on their own, effectively created the West Coast abortion rights movement, going national with a concerted 4-prong attack:
    1. Direct help and education: Taught self-abortion techniques, with an abortion kit, even! — directly to women in living rooms, grange and union halls, and Unitarian church basements across the country. Pat and her friends also set up connections with Mexican abortion providers to create an “underground railway” similar to the East Coast Jane for women in the Western states.
    2. Legal: Systematically got themselves arrested many times for varying deliberate offenses — remember, this was at a time when even sending birth control information through the U.S. mail was illegal! — to successfully chip away at the many abortion- and bc-related prohibition laws. She told me she had to beg some of the “nice policement” to arrest her, public opinion was so firmly against these laws — but it took a few hardcore women to actually change them.
    3. Mainstream: Held conventions and symposia for the upper crust: nurses, doctors, legislators, professors, scientists, clergy (some leftist churches gave serious support to this early abortion movement, oddly enough) etc.. Surprisingly well attended and well reported in the media, this served to get the word out at the power level, and also normalized the bad press from their more extreme activities.
    4. Promotional: Press releases, arrest photo ops, jailhouse interviews — Pat and friends were aces at getting the word out.

    After more than a decade, their work changed the world: Roe v Wade passed. But as she told me just last week — I had the honor of accompanying her to the Oakland General Strike, which she loved, and insisted on going all the way to the end to block the port’s last gate! — today’s atmosphere is far more anti-woman and anti-abortion than it was in 1962.

    Hope we don’t have to go back there, but it’s good to know that it has been done, and can be again.

  30. Tammie

    NOt to forget how POTUS BOWED before his benefactor and the woman-lasher the Saudi jack-ass King! and never said ONE WORD about violence against women in Islam when he gave his “big muslim speech” in Cairo!

    AND how he does everything to keep us dependent on Saudi oil so the King can keep counting our dollars while lashing his subjects!

    Vote Obama-the-woman-hater OUT in 2012!!

  31. Sarah

    I found the article I saw, and it’s a press release from the personhood usa group that is spearheading this. They are, in fact, already talking about doing this again, in Florida, Ohio, Nevada, Montana, Oregon, and California.


  32. yttik

    SuperAnonForThis, find yourself some female allies. Get in touch with a sexual assault center. The reason Penn state went on for as long as it did is because it was a closed male system. Dozens of men looked the other way. In fact, the only reason the secrecy was finally broken was because of two women who filed police reports, the only two reports ever filed, one in 1998 and one in 2008. In the first report the male DA and male child welfare worker declined to file charges and closed the case. But the second report in 2008 is what caused the whole thing to come apart.

  33. Jezebella

    Dear Melanie: Yes, please. I think Jackson is halfway between me and you. Holla the next time you’re headed that way. I’m always up for a trip to Lemuria and some eggplant fries at Julep.

  34. TwissB

    @Alien Number “Let’s pass the ERA.” But make it a real one that doesn’t try to sneak around issues that are controversial because they are important. Rather than taking up space here, I’ll just say: see http://www.equality4women.org #764 and #760. Thanks.

  35. Keri

    I think that zygote might also look great in a top hat and tails or an astronaut suit. Hmmmm, me thinks of many zygote cartoon adventure possibilities to demonstrate the little life blip’s potential. It could be so many things that we can’t be until they realize that oops, that one’s a girl.

    Austin does mitigate. I grew up there and there was much liberal influence that would have freaked the rest o Texas right on out.

  36. Jezebella

    Dear Super Anon for This: If it were me, I’d unfriend the rape apologists, stat. If you can’t, for whatever reason, unfriend them without some kind of pushback, then block their posts. They’ll never know you don’t see their comments, but they won’t damage your calm. I’m sorry for what you and your boy are going through. If I ever manage to become a RadFem Superhero, wreaking vengeance on rapists everywhere, I’ll be circumventing our beloved patriarchal jury system on a daily basis.

  37. ElizaN

    I lived in Colorado the first time they put the personhood amendment on the ballot. When it lost 73-27, it was reported as being a ‘rousing defeat.’ Walking around, knowing that a quarter of the people around me thought my doctor should have called the cops when I went to her with signs of a miscarriage, didn’t feel very rousing. It felt terrifying. Everyone who has worked to defeat this crap, in any state, in any year, has my heartfelt gratitude.

  38. Daisy Deadhead

    Eggplant fries? Eggplant fries?

    Jezebella: good work. They are threatening to take it here to SC now.

    I want a zygote figurine for my collection, green or blue would be nice. Made in USA, none of that crap made in China!

  39. Keri

    Perhaps a Precious Moments zygote figurine with giant Jesus loving eyes and Holly Hobby dress would make an adorable addition to your collection! Maybe I should quite my job and take up Mississippi chachkie sales.

  40. Keri

    quit my job even

  41. speedbudget

    Now I want eggplant fries. With a chipotle dip.

  42. Darragh Murphy

    “But the second report in 2008 is what caused the whole thing to come apart.”

    Two women made police reports. Today, the DA in Centre County PA is a woman, Stacy Parks Miller. In 1998 it was a dude. Today the Attorney General in PA is a woman, Linda Kelly. Kelly’s predecessors are named William, Tom, Jerry, Mike, Tom, Ernie, and LeRoy.

    Closed male-dominated systems in which women have no authority ALWAYS lead to rape, murder and perversion of the power dynamic.

    So obviously true, so hard for people to believe.

  43. K

    Supr anon for this, I am sending you and your son support from western new England. I hope things work out as well as they can.

  44. Lovepug

    Eggplant fries? What sort of evil culinary genius lives in the South who comes up with these things? You had me at deep fried pickles and now this? And now I’m jonesing for some barbeque.

    At any rate, I’m glad in a way this stupid initiative was on the ballot because I think it’s raised the awareness of some pro-lifers to just what is the real agenda of these groups. They’ve tipped their hand. Not every Christian woman is a Michelle Duggar. Plenty of pro-lifers use birth control.

    Their agenda ain’t about saving babies, that’s for dang sure.

  45. Darragh Murphy

    ” Plenty of pro-lifers use birth control.”

    You are so right. Look at the birth rate in the United States. Other than statistical noise from a teeny tiny number of fundamentalists, ALL religious women use birth control!

    Every single last Republican woman, conservative woman, Catholic woman uses birth control.

    How come we just don’t see mothers having 5,6,7,8,9 kids anymore since 1974? Because they all exercise choice over their reproduction.

  46. Jill

    Here, from a blog called The Hungry Mouse, is the recipe for eggplant fries that I am going to make this afternoon. I urge you all to do the same.

    Chipotle mayo: combine a can of chipotle chiles in adobo sauce with a few globs of store-bought mayonnaise. Eat.

  47. Jezebella

    Lovepug, my theory is that Southerners will stick anything in a deep fryer and see if it tastes good. Battered seasoned sticks of eggplant? HELL YES. The ones at Julep come with ranch dip, but chipotle sounds good too.

  48. Daisy Deadhead

    Jill, aiyeee! Thank you!

    Blamers, speaking of prolife wackos, check us out tonight! We will be outside Wofford College for the CBS Republican debate, raising a lotta hell. At first they wouldn’t let us onto campus (we got a permit for the college entrance instead), but now they have relented and will allow us our First Amendment rights. Isn’t that nice of them? Coalition is MoveOn and Occupy (Greenville, Spartanburg, Columbia, Charlotte and Charleston). We are “Occupying the Debate”! Yeah! We are going to give them a hearty southern welcome.

    I doubt we will make it onto TV, but please know, we are out there. :) Send us your love vibes.

  49. speedbudget

    Super Anon, we are all thinking of you, and I hope you get the support from your community that you need.

    Darragh, damn. When you lay it out like that, it’s so fricking OBVIOUS.

  50. niki

    Deep fried pickles are so freakin’ good. You’d think they’d have outlawed them in California but there are bars that know better.

  51. Jenni

    @Jezebella Oh, yay! I thought I was the only one too!

    @Notorious Ph.D. Jezebella beat me to it. Colorado all right. A place I would have thought of as too liberal to sustain such a group. Yeah, it makes me mad but you know- it’s kind of what I’ve come to expect from dudes. That’s what they do. Sit around and come up with ways fuck with women. The part that makes me angriest is not that the group was from out of state but that the local main supporter was a woman gynecologist. I can’t get my head around how she could do that.

    @Melanie Wow, we really should I had no idea I was in such good company!

    @Jill You should try a concoction called “Comeback sauce” if you never have. It’s what many of us use to dip things like fried pickles and eggplant fries in.

  52. Super Anon For This

    Thanks to everyone who replied – I am so appreciative of your support. I have solved one problem: just don’t read the comments of other people’s friends on FB! DUH.

    Today is better; kid is doing ok; he’s sort of following PSU crapfest with sidewise glances. Poor thing.

  53. Awhirlinlondon

    For those of you who are unaware, mayonnaise is trivial to make & should be made often. Take egg yolk. Whip in olive oil, slowly. Et voila. Salt, pepper, garlic, whatever. Refrigerate! Food poisoning not pleasant or amusing.

    Super – so glad things better.

    Jezebella -thank you so much for your work. So very much. Xx

  54. Blind Horse

    @SuperAnonforthis – Go ahead and circumvent the justice system. They’ll never find him at the bottom of my manure pile.

  55. L

    If there are any blamers in or around London, UK, who would like to have a large alcoholic beverage with me, please email me at lovelypizza[at]live.co.uk

    I’m South West (not that that’s particularly important) and would like some friends who aren’t into burlesque.

  56. Jezebella

    Jenni – will you email me via my blog (it’s linked if you click on my name here)? I’d hate to miss the opportunity to meet another Rare Mississippi Blamer due to the anonymous vagaries of the interwebs.

  57. Jezebella

    Oh, and Melanie, you too? I make occasional forays to North Mississippi on bidness and could possibly get to Memphis for a taco and a marg at some point.

  58. susanw

    Are we talking fried eggplant like my mother used to make? She salted and drained it, dried it, cut it in big fingers, dipped them in beaten egg, dredged them in seasoned crumbs, and deep fied them. They were crunchy, crispy brown on the outside, filled with warm, creamy eggplant goodness inside. I need a bit of a lie down now.

  59. janna

    @ Jenni: We have Colorado Springs, which is a cesspool of religious fundamentalism and intolerance. Focus on the Family is also headquartered here. The rest of the state is liberal enough that the crazy BS that comes from the Springs tends not to pass so that’s why they’re trying to outsource their misogyny.

  60. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    Not that we ever discussed it outright, but in the days of my youth I was led to believe my grandmother had several backstreet (or rather, kitchen table) abortions. Because she already had two kids that were hard enough to take care of without the help of my drunkard, domestic-violence-lovin’ grandfather. It’s a friggin wonder none of my family ended up in jail.

    And my state of Ohio can also enter the race for backwards cesspooliness. The personhood thing is going to show up on the ballot here before too long. And our current governor is an embryo-fetishist of the first water.

    Putzwads! Auntie Jill, je t’aime.

  61. Bushfire

    Are we talking fried eggplant like my mother used to make? She salted and drained it, dried it, cut it in big fingers, dipped them in beaten egg, dredged them in seasoned crumbs, and deep fied them. They were crunchy, crispy brown on the outside, filled with warm, creamy eggplant goodness inside. I need a bit of a lie down now.

    Wow. I think I need a cigarette now.

  62. veganrampage

    Nay, nay, ever so much nay. They have it bassackwards down south. ALL potential homosapien life is o-so -sacred, right?
    When a dude knocks when out, or wakes up wet he must then be arrested, tried and convicted for killing for being a mass murderer. If he has healthy sperm count he just “killed” how many tens of millions “potential” babies? The poor unprotected unborn! Someone MUST speak for them!
    MEN are the baby killers! They kill babies by the billions and the trillions starting from boyhood all through their lives.
    All men are mass murdering baby-killers who must be brought to justice. This new law will be retroactive.
    Done, done, and done.

  63. veganrampage

    Want Ad

    !. Typist
    2. Brain

    Thank you for your patince.(get it?)

  64. buttercup

    Eschew the storebought mayo. Easy to make with fresh eggs and an immersion blender. I don’t recommend straight olive oil as the flavor is too strong for me. I have a foolproof recipe on my blog if you’re interested-click “my recipes” on the right-hand sidebar, it should be about three down.
    One thing-make sure you know the provenance of your eggs. If you can’t get guaranteed non-factory farmed eggs, get the Eggland’s Best type because they’re pasteurized. Salmonella is even less of a joke than food poisoning.

  65. Insurgence

    There is a variety called “light-tasting olive oil” which I bought because I was making salad dressings and the regular kind was too strong. I actually never got around to using it yet so I can’t comment, but it’s something to keep in mind.

  66. Kea

    I fried some eggplant in rice bran oil and it was a treat.

  67. ptittle

    You can buy Plan B and the Today Sponge on ebay.

  68. ptittle

    And you know, that might just be the most truly revolutionary thing about the internet.

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