Mar 03 2012

Righteous indignation

Righteous indignation

Your fellow citizen Holly expresses her dissatisfaction with my parking technique, and chronicles her suffering as a result of same, in this charming windshield chastisement.

The heart bleeds for Your fellow citizen Holly. It must have been bloody inconvenient, having to crawl in from the passenger side.

Holly, a woman of principle, simply cannot remain silent when it comes to her right to unobstructed access to her late model sedan. I wonder how she feels about unobstructed access to birth control.


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  1. Embee

    It is interesting that her main point is in double spaced print with exclamation point, while the backin’ and filln’ is single spaced and punctuated with a lowly period. She’s clearly accustomed to apologizing for her opinions. Maybe because they suck? I’m certain you park marvelously.

  2. Nolabelfits

    Perhaps she thought it was a dude’s truck and she’s about had it with accomodating dudes. One can only hope.

  3. Pinko Punko

    I wish the pharma hackers that pooped on my stupid blog had just left a note like that.

    Though, I snicker at what would happen three/four counties over here in Big Texas Cloverhill Honeybun if that note were to be left. In all actuality one would be trying to write the note but the F-250 would already be parked on your chest. Therefore, I say up with Holly! Perhaps she considered her (or his, perhaps this individual was named by a Joseph Cotten/Graham Greene fan?) note a blow to the Patriarchy, wrongly assuming it to be driving a truck.

  4. stacey

    I’m so sorry to be off topic, but I just saw this and HAD to link to it:

    ProgressOhio Blog

    Senator Turner Introduces Legislation To Protect Men’s Health

    Bill modeled after similar legislation to help women make informed decisions

    (Columbus) -State Senator Nina Turner (D-Cleveland) announced legislation today that would protect men in Ohio from the risks of PDE-5 inhibitors, drugs commonly used to treat symptoms of impotence. Turner’s legislation would include provisions to document that the symptoms are not psychological in nature, and would guide men to make the right decision for their bodies. Physicians would be required to obtain a second opinion from a psychological professional to verify that a patient has a true medical malady before the medication could be prescribed.

  5. Owly

    Someone recently left me a smug little note starting with “Maybe next time” followed by some advice and signed “Cheers!” I left enough space for a smaller car to park behind me. They must have been driving an SUV. I was embarrassed at first, but that soon turned to indignation. Cheers my ass. Maybe Holly and the smug note writer are friends.

  6. TotallyDorkin

    Three scenarios:

    Holly had a pen and paper on her person upon encountering your truck and wrote an indignant note, then crawled in her car and drove away. This is belied by the tenses in her language “was unable”, “Had to”, instead of “am unable” and “will have to”.

    Holly crawled in her car, got a pen and paper, crawled back out, wrote the note, crawled back in (!) and left.

    Holly crawled in her car, backed out of her space, parked the car (in the middle of the parking lot that may or may not have been crowded depending on where this all happened), got out of the car, put the note on yours, got back in her car and left.

  7. Nolabelfits

    Probably option number three.

  8. Byabarebourn

    Beats having your sidewalls punctured with a Bowie knife.

  9. hayduke

    TotallyDworkin makes an excellent point. Which makes me feel guilty about my habit of leaving nasty notes on cars – though in my own defense, it’s typically when the park on the lawn/behind my truck in such a way that I am in fact blocked in.

    An unrelated inquiry, Twisty – does this new format allow for a “stay logged in” option?

  10. Twisty

    An unrelated inquiry, Twisty – does this new format allow for a “stay logged in” option?

    I have no idea. What, exactly, is different now?

  11. Linden

    @stacey — I know women legislators are proposing these sorts of bills as stunts, but I’m seriously in favor of them. We need a real movement to get them passed. Also, I liked the one that said men should be subject to prostate examinations before getting Viagra. Makes sense.

  12. Phledge

    A blamer, in the heat of fury, wishes to blame. Zie used to be able to simply scroll down to the bottom where hir name and email was already populated in the fields, and could blame away. Today, alas, one must make do by typing name and email over and over and over for every blaming statement, prophecy, and question. WHATEVER WILL WE DO? *fainting couch clutching pearls mint julep etc etc*

    Sure, if it’s just a keystroke knock yourself out to make it go back. As always, your blog, your call.

    In other news, this note looks like someone has juuuuuust about had it with dudes and their trucks, confirming that a) she (anyone met a dude named Holly?) might be a nascent SDI candidate but b) she continues to experience the internalized misogyny of assuming that trucks, plus or minus their nutz, are the rubric of dudes alone, forcing the Hollies of the world to submit to driving a Taurus knockoff.

  13. D.

    Having twice had to enter the vehicle from the passenger side, I can attest that unless one is very flexible or doublejointed, the steering wheel and gearshift are not exactly optimally placed for farside entrance. (I miss bench seats in cars.)

    On the other hand, I don’t see the point of note-leaving.

  14. Friend of Snakes

    Why you making sport of Holly? She sounds like a reasonable, civil neighbor. Turn it around and contemplate how you’d feel if this happened to you. Bet you’d blow a lobe and glue that motherloving note to her windshield. Since I got rid of my ride a decade ago, I don’t have to worry about being on either side of this equation. Win.

    Re the birth control/Rush Limbaugh/all up in our vaginas news du jour: I can’t talk about it because I just can’t stand the burning anger that fills me up all the way to my eyeballs.

    Re the “stay logged in” thing: I think she means the way that when I go to your comment box to make a comment, my name and email address are no longer already filled in. Your program doesn’t recognize we’ve commented here before. Or something. Here’s one example of cookies serving a useful purpose.

  15. Friend of Snakes

    Somewhere in Cottonmouth County a phone rings.

    Susan: Hello?

    Holly: Honey, you’re not going to believe this, but it happened to me again. [tries to muffle tears of rage and pain.]

    Susan: What’s going on? Oh no! Not that, not again.

    Holly: You’re damn right, again. Some frickin asshole parked his frickin truck so close to my car I practically had to crawl through the trunk to get back in.

    Susan: Mary, Mother and Joseph. Is it just that people are inconsiderate assholes or that they just don’t know how to park, do ya think? But anyway, Holly, you know I told you the last time this happened that I just don’t have the money to come down to the Sheriff’s and bail you out again. And how many judges are there in the county who’ll let me repair this new jerk’s glass and paint job instead of you paying for….?

    Holly: No, wait! This time I kept it together and left a note. Goddamn, I even used a proper end-of-line hyphen.

    Susan: Oh. Fantastic. So why didn’t you just come on home?

    Holly: It’s my arthritic hip, babe. I really jacked it up trying to squeeze through the door like a python. It’s hurting me so bad I had to pull over and catch my breath. God damn it to hell I’m so mad, I think I’m going to turn around and go back and teach that dude a lesson.

    Susan: Nooooooooooooooooo

  16. Shelby

    Ugh. There are few things more annoying than fucking car note writers and if I had my way they would all be lined up against the wall and given driving and parking lessons. Fucking cowardly arseholes.

  17. Twisty

    Why you making sport of Holly? She sounds like a reasonable, civil neighbor. Turn it around and contemplate how you’d feel if this happened to you. Bet you’d blow a lobe and glue that motherloving note to her windshield. Since I got rid of my ride a decade ago, I don’t have to worry about being on either side of this equation. Win.

    What would Sunday morning be without a little blamer sanctimony?

    I would also like to point out that women in Ford F-350s need parking spaces, too. It’s not our fault if parking lot designers make them all too small. This is Texas, yo. We ALL drive big-ass trucks. Wake up and smell the diesel, parking lot designers!

    In this particular case, it was either gonna be me or Holly who had to suffer the appalling agony of crawling into a vehicle from the hideous passenger side. I chose Your fellow citizen Holly. As she has turned out to be such a saint, I now deeply regret that I was in too big a hurry to leave a note on her windshield thanking her in advance for being gracious enough not to leave a passive-aggressive note on my windshield.

  18. tinfoil hattie

    Indeed: Has Holly written a similar note to Darrell Issa and his all-male, no-birth-control revue?

    Or is she just vying for publication at http://www.passiveaggressivenotes dot com?

    Her note isn’t strictly passive-aggressive, but it is funny in an annoying way.

  19. tinfoil hattie

    Well, one can only assime you parked your truck in that space JUST to piss off Holly, Twisty. Shame on you.

    And I take it back, come to think of it: all car notes are passive-aggressive.

  20. Twisty

    […] the “don’t buy anything bigger than a golf cart if you can’t park it” method, which may go for the original poster as well.


  21. yttik

    Hating on car notes, sounds good to me! There is something really sanctimonious about note leavers. They’re going to change the world one person at a time with their righteous indignation and feelings of persecution. I feel like taping a note to my car, “I did not park here to deliberately inconvenience you, I did not place a banana peel on the sidewalk in front of my house hoping you would trip, and it’s 42 degrees out so leaving my dogs in the car will not cause heatstroke.” Live and let live, people.

    Really ironic, some guy will be unconscious on the sidewalk and dozens of people will just step over him assuming he’s drunk or homeless, but parking crimes always require our full attention and concern.

  22. janicen

    As a courtesy, people who must drive vehicles the width of a house should park in the far away spaces where they can take up two spaces without crowding others. After being inconvenienced once, and it is impossible for us to determine the level of inconvenience, Holly may have been ill, rushed, or just having an otherwise shitty day, now she is expected to wait around to confront a stranger rather than leave a note lest she be called passive aggressive. No winning for you Holly. You have no choice but to meekly accept your victimhood and climb over your gear shift and parking brake while ducking under your rearview mirror and twist your body around in the narrow space between the steering wheel and your seat back and then very carefully back your car out so as not to scrape the vehicle parked only inches away from yours.

    When the same thing happened to me, I went into the store and asked that the owner of the vehicle be paged. I walked out with the person, who was under the mistaken impression that I hit his vehicle and once I got him out there I asked him to move his vehicle so that I could access mine. I guess it wasn’t very nice of me to interrupt his shopping and mislead him into thinking that I scraped his precious road monster but the shoulder injury I was nursing made contorting myself in order to get behind the wheel of my car an unacceptable option.

  23. tinfoil hattie

    IBTP that people feel they must admonish anonymous internetians for their vehicle choices. I blame said admonishers for not having something better to do with their time besides projecting all manner of selfishness and deliberate meanness onto the owners of any car larger than a golf cart.

    I blame asshole greedy short-sighted developers for making parkimg space lines so narrow that I have trouble parking a mid-sized sedan.

  24. Tiakristi

    I must confess to leaving a few car notes. In my defense, I am lucky enough to live two blocks from the beach (which is awesome!). During tourist season, however, the goddamn turistas park in my yard, block myself and/or roomies in, dump their trash in the yard (including dirty diapers! when there are trash cans at every beach walkover & one in said yard), and last Fourth, one drunk asshole ran over my beloved cat (and did not leave a note). So I feel, in that situation, a note is more than justified.
    That said, Holly clearly was frustrated at something more than a parking inconvenience. Perhaps street harassers that she was trying to quickly escape from? The pain of high heels that she was hoping to take off? Leaving a horrendous date? We shall never know the details, I’m sure, but IBTP.

  25. quixote

    I rented a wreck once long ago (I think that may have even been the name of the company, Rent-A-Wreck) whose door locks ceased to function after a couple of days. The ceased in the locked position. This was miles out in the middle of nowhere on a field trip. The passenger-side window still opened though. So we got out and in through that window for the remaining couple of weeks.

    Holly doesn’t know how good she has it.

  26. ivyleaves

    I once got a miraculous car note. Someone hit my car and slightly damaged the rear tail light and left a note with her particulars. I was so impressed, I never placed a claim against her insurance. I mean, I really don’t care much about cars, so I never got the slightly cracked plastic replaced anyway – way too much trouble.

  27. Tehomet

    Well, I think her note was a waste of her energy, but whatever. At least she was polite, I guess. But why didn’t our fellow citizen Holly just get in the passenger side of her vehicle, let off the hand brake, punt the car far enough backwards or forwards (depending) with her foot out the door to have room to open the driver’s side door, whack the hand brake on again, get in the driver’s side via the newly-freed door, start the engine, and go on her merry way? It takes longer to type than to do. And if I could figure that method out when I was a teenager stealing cars very quietly from people’s driveways back in the day, why can’t an adult with a driving licence? What does she think the hand brake’s for, decoration?

  28. Renata

    There have been a couple of times that I’ve been forced to drag my arthritic bones across the seat, over the gear shifter, and land exhausted and in pain in my seat because an inconsiderate person parked their monstrous vehicle too close to my driver’s side door. Leave a note? Never. I just gather my wits and then open and shut my door really hard and fast several times… then I drive home and forget about it.

  29. Friend of Snakes

    As far as blogging potential of left-behind windshield notes goes, little can match that (probably not apocryphal) one from Perth which read:

    my name is Jack. I accidently hit your car & someone saw me so I’m pretending to write down my details.
    Sorry, Jack


    janicen: Preach it, sister.

    From poor, dear Holly’s perspective, she had three main options:

    1. Do nothing. Fuck up her arthritic hip squeezing into her sedan. Drive home cussing and hurting.
    2. Leave a polite note hoping to change just one driver’s me-me-me parking behavior. Fuck up her arthritic hip squeezing into her sedan. Drive home hurting but feeling somewhat mature and civilized.
    3. Fuck up that honkin’ truck big time, then walk over to the coffee shop with a view of the parking lot and wait for the entertainment to begin.

  30. Comradde PhysioProffe

    Wouldn’t itte be great to have a total piece of shitte car that you could just wantonly smash into other cars thatte pisse you offe?

  31. Notorious Ph.D.

    I live in a city where the only remaining commandment is “Thou shalt not park badly.” One fellow citizen expressed his dissatisfaction with my parking once in a note similar to yours, except that it 1) was unsigned, and 2) contained the words “b*tch” and “c**t”. I was properly horrified, until I read the final sentence:

    “Oh yeah: and your hair is stupid.”

    If only I had a better haircut, I’m sure I’d be able to park better.

  32. pheeno

    Someone in a huge truck did that to my 60 year old mother at the post office recently.

    She crawled in from the passenger side (not an easy feat given her physical issues) and proceeded to open her car door and repeatedly bang the shit out of the side of the truck.

    Some of us won’t bother with handwritten notes.

  33. Shelby

    The Offspring method. Is that like the Rhythm method?

  34. Comradde PhysioProffe

    She crawled in from the passenger side (not an easy feat given her physical issues) and proceeded to open her car door and repeatedly bang the shit out of the side of the truck.

    Now you’re fucken talking! YEAH!!111!!11!!

  35. qvaken

    pheeno: Fuck yes to your mother!

    Okay, I admit it. I left a note a couple of weeks ago, but not on a car. It was about 1:00am, and I live in a residence with communal facilities. Somebody left some cooking in the kitchen, and smelling the smoke and seeing it fogging up the hallway, I went to check on it twice – by the second time, the smoke had made it halfway down the hallway into my bedroom, and was making me cough. So yeah, when I couldn’t find any owners the second time, I turned the flame off myself and left a note suggesting that they cook it in a better ventilated place or do it during the day, as there was smoke everywhere and it was dangerous.

    So yeah, they probably weren’t too happy to discover that. But eff ’em, I want a smoke-free slumber.

    By the by, the incident also has me rather worried about my floor’s smoke detectors…

  36. stacey

    My sense of driver entitlement is in inverse proportion to my pedestrian entitlement. When I’m in my car, THE ROAD IS MINE. When I’m on foot, THE ROAD AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS MINE.

    I believe in driving karma. If someone does something to piss me off in their car, I mostly A. excuse them (maybe they were having a bad day) and B. reflect that it’s going to catch up with them some day. I try to drive according to karmic principles, and it seems to work out. I must have been running a parking karma deficit, though, because I got a ticket the other day.

  37. Twisty

    people who must drive vehicles the width of a house should […]

    I agree, but I drive a vehicle the width of a vehicle.

  38. ElizaN

    Pheeno, I love your mother and want to take her out for margs.

  39. pheeno

    She is pretty awesome. Told my dad before agreeing to marry him- If God intended me to be a dog, I’d have been born with a collar around my neck. Told (not asked. Told) the preacher to drop any and all mention of Obey in their vows. Has been known to drag a chair over to my 6’5 dad, so she can climb up on it and tell him off to his face. (she’s 5’2) Calls feminism common sense.

  40. Wednesday's Child

    Have not had the note left on car dealio but have had the girlfriend used as message conveyance.

    Dude did not like that I had been legally parking on the street outside his house when popping in to my sister’s new place across the road. Apparently I was blocking his access to the verge/nature strip so that he could illegally park under a shady tree near his front door. Life is hard for a dude and his car.

    Young woman was duly dispatched one morning to reprimand me and ask me to move my car. Despite reassurances that I was just gonna be 2 minutes picking up sis’ dog, her angst was obvious “The Boyfriend will be home soon”. Conversation switched between aggressive boyfriend inspired demands and her attempted conciliations/explanations “you can park around the corner near my car!” “It’s just when he gets home from night shift!” I insisted I’d be quick, and, wishing I was brave enough to tell her to run away and run far, I left the car where it was.

    In truth I was kind of hoping the fella would arrive home just as I was getting back to my car with the dogs (my two plus sis’) so that I could tell him off firmly instead of weakly trying to appease his proxy. She obviously had enough shit to deal with. But alas, that was not to be, and probably all for the better. Don’t really want that entitlement/attention redirected towards my sister.

    For her sake and the young woman’s I don’t park there anymore, which is a little inconvenient because now I do two u-turns: one to park and one to leave in the direction I was originally heading. Driving in circles for the patriarchy I am tempted to dob him in to the local rangers so they can leave a note parking fine on his car.

  41. speedbudget

    So I sometimes purposely park next to assholes who are parked right on the line or even slightly over it just because I think it’s a dick thing to do, to pre-emptively take the spot next to you because you couldn’t be bothered to back out and straighten up a little. I also have, well, not quite a piece of shit car, but one that already has a bunch of dents, so what do I care if the asshole dents it trying to get in their car?

    This is not being passive aggressive. This is being actively aggressive. I also believe that people who park over the line in parking garages should be charged twice, given that people were unable to park in that spot (garage spots are smaller than parking-lot spots).

    Was Holly maybe parked a little too close to the other spot?

    I have also been known to take my piece of shit and park it at the exact angle of the asshole with the BMW who parked crooked over four spots in the back of the lot. I don’t get near it, I just park next to it at the same angle. The fruits of my labor are usually some dood throwing a hissy fit in the store when he notices. It’s great.

  42. Twisty

    Wow, it’s fascinating, the degree of opinionation and fervidity excited by the subject of parking. I think there is even a reality TV show about parking which sounded pretty boring before today, but now I’m thinking it’s probably full of drama and intrigue.

  43. kate

    I drive a 4×4 F350, vintage of the last decade when Ford started blowing up the trucks’ bodies. I have been driving trucks, always F250’s, for the last twenty years almost daily.

    Trucks are convenient to haul things with and in my line of work, absolutely necessary.

    I do not take pride in how large they are, how cumbersome they are or how inefficient they are fuel wise, but I know that the majority of truck owners do and often buy them specifically for those aforementioned traits, including the ability to menace pedestrians and small cars with the gigantic over-the-top grill and front nose assembly — pushing it precariously close to the danger-zone.

    I try to be considerate with my truck because I’ve been ratted out and chastised more often than I care to acknowledge. The vehicle is designed to fit into the patriarchal mind; the image of dominance by size and muscle power. A pair of 4″ dual exhaust pipes, some obnoxious window stickers only adds to the charm.

    So frankly, I don’t chastise anyone or blame on anyone who feels angry at that machine. I only wish I had a chance to sit down with each and everyone of those angry people and have an intelligent discourse over a latte about how images of patriarchy are everywhere and what can we do about it?

  44. Fannie Farmer (Mrs.)

    I will think twice before leaving another one of those windshield notes.

  45. ivyleaves

    It’s all very well to blame someone for being next to the parking line, but it may not be their fault. Maybe the place they parked was the only place available because of how the people they parked next to were parked when they arrived. That has happened to me several times. One person parking very badly can screw up the parking for a whole row for a long time.

  46. Sarah

    “Since I got rid of my ride a decade ago”

    So you could afford one but choose not to have one, live somewhere with safe bike/walk routes and good public transit, live close to everything you need, and have complete use of your arms and legs. Lucky you! I guess not all of us can be as “win” as you.

  47. shopstewardess

    That horse’s ass banner is going to have multiple appropriate applications far into the future of this blog. All hail Pearlie and her attitude to the P.

  48. stacey

    “I guess not all of us can be as “win” as you.”

    Are we playing the winning game? OOH I WANT TO. I did not read FoS’s relief from having to worry about parking troubles because she’s carless as a better-than-thou moment; I read it as a yay-for-me statement. Everyone has yay-for-me, which doesn’t automatically mean too-bad-so-sad-for-you.

    Whatevs. Let me tell you about urban bike parking rage. I hated it when I’d come out of somewhere and some jackass had jammed his bike (I say his, because they were usually hugely-framed bikes) next to mine in the rack, overhanging and entangling my handlebars. I’d have to move at least the one beside his, then his, and possibly the one on the other side in order to winkle my bike out, and inevitably two or three of these bikes would collapse sideways once my space was clear. I’d get SO STEAMED!

  49. Hattie

    Hmm. I think big honking trucks are stupid, but that’s just me. I love you otherwise.

  50. Mildred

    When I was 19 or so I spied a playboy-mobile parked in the university car park, I mean a small ladies car that had been covered every which way with playboy symbols and pink fluffy chintz. I left an patronising note on her car. I might have even quoted some Ariel Levy in there for her!
    I can just picture it now, “Huh? What’s this shit?” and not a single fuck was given, no doubt.

    I also wrote an angry note on someone’s car for leaving a skeezy hardcore porn mag splayed on the dashboard.
    I know, its kinda obnoxious and spineless, but whatcha gonna do? An angry feminist needs to get her kicks wherever she can!

  51. josquin

    Comradde PhysioProffe: your proliferating use of “Middle English-ish” double consonant/ee endings to words is cracking me up for some reason. It started out with “shitte”, which made me smile, and now it’s gone hogge wilde all over the place and it’s even funnier! I’m not even sure why , but I’m sure the Aprill showers soote will pierce the mystery to the roote, or somme such thinge.
    Yeah, I confess to having left a car message once, after cramming my fatte arse through a very narrow opening on the passenger’s side to reach the drivers seat.

  52. Lidon

    Shelby, if you would prefer that people not use words or writing to express displeasure, perhaps you would prefer the Offspring method.

    Or the “slash tires” or “wait by poorly-parked car to ambush” method.

    Or even the “don’t buy anything bigger than a golf cart if you can’t park it” method, which may go for the original poster as well.

    Yeah no kidding, huh? I can think of more annoying things than note-writing. My goddamn neighbor’s overactive car alarm goes off several times a fucking day and wakes me up at night, despite my ear plugs. If I could find out which car it is in time before s/he shuts off the alarm, I could write a “passive-aggressive” note, or make a scene? File a complaint? Deface private property?

    If I had to crawl in through the passenger side in a parking lot, I’d be annoyed but it wouldn’t occur to me to leave a note, but that could also be that it wouldn’t be very physically challenging for me to accomplish. But car alarms is a different story.

    Someone in a huge truck did that to my 60 year old mother at the post office recently.

    She crawled in from the passenger side (not an easy feat given her physical issues) and proceeded to open her car door and repeatedly bang the shit out of the side of the truck.

    Some of us won’t bother with handwritten notes.

    HAHA! I will live vicariously through her.

    I’m sorry Twisty; maybe in Texas big trucks/SUVs come in handy but here in L.A. and O.C., they’re just obnoxious.

  53. Lurker Lyn

    Y’all remind me of this website. It has P shat all over it, hence the title, but the parking space dramas are illuminating:


  54. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    Because I arrive at work before the butt-crack of dawn, I park in front of our building, just a hop, skip, and a burp away from the front door. Because I work for a contractor, I get the royal stink-eye for doing so. (Presumably, such plum spots should be reserved for civil servants, and not second-class, lowly toad citizens like me.) Parking spots are about the only thing around here that are appointed fairly — if you ain’t got a wheelchair displayed somewhere on your vehicle, first-come, first-served. So if you are a civil servant who comes rolling in around 10 or 11, you park far away and walk. TFB

  55. pheeno

    @Lidon- I’m in Texas too. They’re still obnoxious. My mom drives a big obnoxious truck (they’ve had to become 1 car since she retired and my dad had a wreck that almost killed him in October) and goes out of her way to park far enough away that she doesn’t hog up the space. EVEN THEN, some asshole just had to park beside her and park so close she couldn’t get in.

    A 60 year old woman who needs both knees replaced, had shoulder surgery not too long ago and has foot problems that mean she’s in pain almost constantly can manage to park her big ass truck far enough away that she doesn’t accidentally block someone in. Because she’s aware other people exist and the world is not her living room.

  56. TA

    I wish I could post pictures, because about a year ago I took one of the car that had parked thisclose to my driver’s side. I was able to squeeze in, but barely.

    The second picture was of the rest of the nearly EMPTY parking lot, and all the other places where this yahoo could have parked badly. Myself, I try to hem in a passenger side door rather than a driver’s side, if I have to park badly.

    I get much more irritated by the people who honk at me to just TURN on the red light, already, lady! No. I will not hit those pedestrians or take the chance of getting hit by oncoming traffic just because you are impatient. You should have left sooner. If I could say it more succinctly, I’d put it on a bumper sticker.

  57. janicen

    Speaking of parking spaces, I work out at a gym where the very first space, closest to the door is reserved with a sign which reads, “Reserved for Employee of the Year”. Does anyone else see the irony?

  58. speedbudget

    @janicen, at the gym I used to frequent, people would do the vulture thing at all the spots nearest the front door, while I never had a problem finding a spot in the back of the lot. At the gym.

  59. Hattie

    I would say get a horse but you already have one.

  60. TwissB

    @TA – Myself, I try to hem in a passenger side door rather than a driver’s side, if I have to park badly.”

    Don’t count on that to save you. In a very crowded parking garage, I had to squeeze next to a car that had parked on the line defining “my” driver’s side space. I had to exit by the passenger side door. The driver of the car on my left had ample space to enter through its driver’s side door. On returning, I found that car gone, but either its driver or its passenger (who could have waited until the car was backed out to enter the car) had inflicted some vicious key gouges on my driver’s side door.

    Cost of repaint job on (old) car: $4000 Cost of paper and pencil for nasty note: $0

    Sticks and stones, etc. Take the damn note.

  61. pheeno

    Recently at petsmart I watched as a woman parked her GIANT truck sideways across 3 handicapped spots, hopped out, got her 3 kinds out (ages from 6-12ish) and strolled into petsmart without a care in the world.

    Could. Not. Believe. That. Shit.

    I didn’t leave a note, however I did call the cops. I hope the ticket fine is painful.

  62. quixote

    The car alarm comment reminds me of one way that was once dealt with after a similar series of sleepless nights. A note was left on the windshield: “If the alarm goes off again, this car will be destroyed.” That was in New York, of course.

    I understand that was the last time that particular car woke up the neighborhood.

    The two problems are that you have to have the car IDed, and that if you’re not in NY, people might not believe the note was meant literally.

  63. pheeno

    When I was 20ish, I lived in an apartment right above the parking lot, and some guy had his alarm set so sensitive that the wind would set it off. In West Texas, where we see 40 mph wind almost daily. He would never come out and check or turn it off. It was horrible, and never failed to wake up my infant.

    So, one night I egged the shit out of it.

    He checked and turned the alarm off after that. Eventually, because it became clear he had it set too sensitive, he reset it. Yanno, after it became a bother to HIM.

    I don’t advocate egging people’s cars….but after a month of not getting sleep and my baby not getting sleep, I had enough.

  64. yttik

    “Wow, it’s fascinating, the degree of opinionation and fervidity excited by the subject of parking”

    Well, the two things we seem to care deeply about are parking etiquette and other people’s pets. I’m going to assume that’s because they’re kind of light hearted and easily solved problems. It’s actually really painful and frustrating to try and solve problems like domestic violence or world hunger. I’d much rather approach somebody like Twisty about her parking “crimes,” than confront some abusive asshole who’s demeaning his girlfriend in public. Or try to enlighten an all male panel of elderly white men about the importance of women’s health care.

  65. Ciccina

    You’d feel like ass, though, if Holly turned out to be 70+ years old.

    Yes, you would.

  66. ivyleaves

    I get much more irritated by the people who honk at me to just TURN on the red light, already, lady! No. I will not hit those pedestrians or take the chance of getting hit by oncoming traffic just because you are impatient. You should have left sooner. If I could say it more succinctly, I’d put it on a bumper sticker.

    I saw a perfect one for that once: “I’m not in your hurry”

  67. Kali

    As a grad student living in communal setings, I used to attract notes like a magnet. I’ve had notes for doing laundry before 8 am, for playing the TV on any sound level above mute, for watching TV after/before certain hours, for taking a shower too early or too late, for turning the heat up too high, or turning it down too low, for not using the squeegee to wipe off the water droplets after I have sprayed down the shower, for entering the house through the wrong door, for leaving the house before 6 am, practically everything. Most of these women (and yes, it was always women) also had boyfriends visiting who played the TV however loudly they wanted and whenever they wanted, showered whenever they wanted, didn’t spray down the shower, set the thermostat to their liking without any complaints from their girlfriends, came and went as they pleased and when they pleased. The double standard baffled me for the longest time until I learnt to blame the patriarchy.

  68. Jezebella

    Pheeno, do the cops actually show up when you call them about handicapped parking violations? I regularly get my knickers in a twist and leave little notes on people’s cars that say “Shame on you! This is a handicapped spot!” But if I thought the cops here in Buttcrack would give a shit, I might actually call them and bust the assholes who can’t be bothered to walk an extra ten feet.

    The last time I actually told a person, to her face, that she was rudely parking in a handicapped spot, I ran into her at the vet’s office the next day. Fecking small town bs, is what that is.

  69. pheeno

    Ours tend to be rather zealous in enforcing things that get the department money, so they generally show up. SHOOT someone and it’ll take half an hour for them to arrive, but park in a handicapped zone and 5 of them will show up to write the ticket.

  70. Linden

    @yttik — The other area in which people feel feel to give unsolicited advice is children. For example, I’ll never forget taking my son on an airplace, and before we’d even been on there 10 minutes, the woman sitting in front of him turned around and said, with a smarmy smile, “Your little boy WILL NOT kick the back on my chair on this flight.” He hadn’t even done anything yet, and if he had started, I would have stopped him. But after that, you better believe I wanted him to kick the shit out of her chair for the next four hours.

  71. speedbudget

    pheeno, I hope that person got three tickets and three fines.

    I used to work as an aide in a special-needs classroom. The teacher I worked with knocked over one of those pocket-rocket motorcycles after the owner parked it in the handicapped spot then sauntered into the store.

  72. pheeno

    I hope so too. That sent me into a fit. One space is bad enough, but three??

  73. tinfoil hattie

    I am glad everyone here is a good parker. I park like shit, even when I’m trying to park well. I don’t know if parking lanes are narrower (harder to turn wide enough to make it squarely into a space), or spaces are narrower (I suspect they are), or if I am just afflicted with bad spatial relations skills. Even when I think I’ve parked well within the lines, I often come out of a store and find: Nope. I parked like an asshole again.

    So many people park so badly that I can’t believe it’s all done deliberately just to piss others off.

  74. tinfoil hattie

    Ooooh, Linden: I’d have had to bite my tongue to keep myself from saying, “Ya wanna make a BET?” or “You’re right! He won’t. I WILL.”

    Grrrrr …

  75. Jenni

    I tend to leave notes like that. Fact is not all of us are physically capable of crawling over from the passenger side because some dingbat couldn’t look and acknowledge that Twiggy herself couldn’t get in that door. I was once blocked in by a Fed Ex guy who literally was happy about the situation and took as long as he could even after I asked him to move. I admit it’s mostly men that do it but it’s gotten so bad that now that my back has healed and I can I park further out to avoid such douchebaggery, I do. I have also left a note on a certain purple car at my gym pointing out that instead of taking up two spaces they could just go ahead and park completely sideways and take up three.
    I’ve driven a big SUV before, I parked further out in the lot so as not to block anyone. I have also driven a wide bed truck. It is not the job of my fellow store-goers to make up for the poor design of parking lots by tolerating my truck blocking them from their cars, especially when it is I who arrived after them.
    @TotallyDorkin Most of us have pen and paper in our purses, we don’t have to get in the car to get them. My car has been broken into so many times I have nothing in it save a few Quiznos napkins.

  76. qvaken

    tinfoil: I’m shit at parking. I can’t reverse park, reverse parallel park or swing in tightly, and it’s a better idea for me to avoid the spaces next to pillars. I always check how I went after my widely-swung easy forward park, and I get back in and straighten up if I need to.

    And I have a small car and I’ve been driving for almost seven years.

    A boyfriend walked me through a reverse parallel park last year, and I hoped for more lessons from him in the future, but then he dumped me about half an hour later.

    It’s the P’s fault.

  77. tinfoil hattie

    Glad I’m in good company, qvaken!

  78. Ginjoint

    Fecking small town bs, is what that is

    Yup. When I very briefly lived in a small town where my parents had also moved, I thought I’d stop by their place for a visit one night after work. But then, I realized I was too tired and did a U-turn on their street instead to head home. An oncoming car flashed its brights at me, as if to admonish me for the U-turn, even though I had not even come close to cutting them off or anything. Being from a large city, I promptly flipped ’em the bird.

    Yeah, it was my parents. They’d recognized my car and were just trying to get my attention. Not quite the same as your example, Jezebella, but I did learn real quick from that (and other instances) that one should be much more careful in a small town; that big-city cloak of anonymity is gone. I do think, though, that this makes for better quality human beings. Population density goes up, personal responsibility goes down. I won’t even live in a big building because of this.

    Also, qvaken, what’s a reverse parallel park?

  79. Buttercupia

    A year ago January I broke down in the ATM lane at my local bank. It was a bank holiday so the branch wasn’t open. My battery ran down because it was extra cold and I hadn’t let the car run long enough and I almost always shut the car off whenever possible to save gas. So since I’m right in the ATM I can’t open the driver’s side door, and I’m not in the type of physical shape that would enable me to climb out of the driver’s seat, over the shift/console, and out the passenger door, which was also pretty close to the other side of the overhang so no guarantee that door could even be opened either. I was never so glad to have AAA. About 20 people drove up behind me rudely honking, waving their hands, pulled up beside me and gave dirty looks, etc. Not a one offered help. Not a one offered to help me get out of the claustrophobic’s hell I was in and I am majorly claustrophobic. And my battery was too dead to run blinkers, windows, radio, anything. Half an hour later the AAA guy got there and charged the battery. Never offered to push the effing car out of the slot so I could get out, no. I was hysterical. He couldn’t understand why I was so upset.
    I tend to park far away (if there’s no crip spots open) because of my bad leg I need extra space to open the door all the way. And I hate coming back and I cant’ get in the car or I have to squeeze in. Knee does not bend like that.

  80. Ayla

    As an inveterate note leaver (and occasional paint-job-ruiner) I assure you there’s nothing passive aggressive about it. If I had the option to confront the person face to face, I would absolutely prefer it.

    But make me late for my 8 o’clock curtain by parking in 3 spaces, and you’re paint job’s gettin it.

  81. Ciccina

    Ours [cops] tend to be rather zealous in enforcing things that get the department money, so they generally show up. SHOOT someone and it’ll take half an hour for them to arrive, but park in a handicapped zone and 5 of them will show up to write the ticket.

    In DC, our cops show up faster if they think they’ll get to shoot somebody.

  82. Kristin

    If you go out armed with pen and paper you will find sooner or later that there’s a note needin’ to get writ. Let’s dip into the psychology of note writers. Like my neighbour who’s known me for years and whose house I’ve looked after when she and oaf OH went on holiday. Who thinks she can bang on the door any time she wants any bloody thing, like cups of much better than hers coffee and moans about her undercarriage problems that nearly had me missing deadlines sometimes because I’m too polite to tell her to chuff off. But when once in a black moon I have friends over and they get a bit noisy a bit late because of a bit too much wine, instead of a quick phone call to say, ‘hey, can you turn it down a bit’ she has to stick a diatribe through the door next morning about my selfishness and anti-sociability.

    Well, no more cups of my much better coffee for her.

  83. Flamethorn

    Off-topic: Merely a graphics demonstration for a game machine, or accidental truth about the standard female experience at puberty?

  84. speedbudget

    Well, Flamethorn. That was incredibly disturbing. The patriarchy in 7 minutes. I started watching thinking, why does it have to be a female android? Then they said the bit about the sex, and I was like, no doy.

  85. Gertrude Strine

    A jack is still considered a vital piece of car kit. The modern balloon version is a versatile tool indeed for the big truck driving citizenry around here.
    Doesn’t everybody use it to either move the big F100 or their own poor wee baby put-upon wheels when needed? I can concede that having to contort yourself to land in the driver’s seat could be too much like hard work, or impossible for some crips, but I’ve yet to find people unwilling to help in this kind of fuckup.
    Have been on a rocking team for plenty of immobilised sets of wheels in the wrong place.

    Where does it arise, this idiotic sense that the world of commerce rat-traps is somehow some kind of level equal and just playing field. It’s a jungle out there and well done *that woman for making it home in one piece!

    *not necessarily the subject of the essay, or even the host. Anywoman.

  86. stacey

    And their commentariat, of course, mostly miss the point. Fuck Cory Doctorow, for posting this on International Women’s day.

  87. buttercup

    I can’t understand why my earlier comments are all still stuck in moderation. Just dropping by to wish everyone a happy Women’s day and to say avoid the solar flares, y’all. If you can.

  88. Nolabelfits

    That video is serial killer creepy.

  89. Mayya

    Nope. I’m with Holly. God[olina] knows I agree with you on most everything, but park your damn vehicle correctly. Doesn’t matter what she’s driving. Sorry.

  90. Tracy

    Oh… there it goes! The point just flew all your heads! :)

  91. qvaken

    Flamethorn: Welp. There go any last tiny illusions that I had that men might not hate me.

  92. sgc

    Parking spaces do need to be wider. However, I’m firmly in the side with Holly camp. In my pre-asthma, less portly, more limber days crawling across from the passenger side was easy enough to almost count as fun. Now? Are you kidding me? Is it even possible?

  93. Katy

    Mayya, why are you sorry?

  94. nas

    This is hilarious. Park on top of someone’s car and then get mad that they civilly point it out to you? Bring it to your echo chamber so that they can sympathize with the terrible passive aggressive note? It is probably the patriarchy’s fault that none of you can drive, right?

    No, it’s the (probably male) developer’s fault.. they made the parking spots too small. We should build bigger parking lots so that bad drivers can effortlessly park huge cars! Yeah, parking a big truck in a small spot takes a little bit of concentration… it’s hardly impossible. If you can’t fit in the spot without blocking the other person in.. then you can’t fit in the spot.

  95. julia

    Oh for crying out loud..the woman had a perfect right to unobstructed access to her car. Regardless of what gender you are, you should have been more considerate and parked better. It’s called being human and thinking of others. How you make an issue out of this is beyond me. You also make me realize how much of my youth and young adult life in the 60’s &70’s, I wasted being out there at protests demanding the equal rights of women.
    Feminism is about giving you a voice and a choice and that’s what we fought for for you, got arrested for and thrown in jail for. Not so you could all snip and snipe at another woman for daring to ask you to park better and even worse having the temerity to do it with politeness.
    I’m off to bang my head off a brick wall and check that my mother and grandmothers are are not all rolling around in their graves.
    By the way I am a woman, mother to who I raised alone, 2daughters, 3 sons. A joiner by trade, run a business employing 90 men and am happily married to a man 22 yrs younger than me.

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