This device, invented by a woman suffering the femininity-imposed body dysmorphia typical of all 21st century women over the age of 12 (she was moved to create it “out of pure panic,”) attaches to your hair and stretches out your face. It’s a mini torture-rack for your head. The purported purpose of the face bungee is to “take 10 years off your face.” The actual purpose of the face bungee is to make you feel like something stuck on the bottom of a cheap shoe.
According to the Global Accords Governing Fair Use of Women, it is of paramount importance that all women should endeavor to look ten years younger than they are. If the pursuit of 10-years-youngerness is painful and costs money, so much the better, as the world order depends for its continued stability on the mighty cornerstone of women’s self-loathing. Without self-loathing it would be impossible to coerce women’s boundless contributions to consumerist culture, dude-affirming culture, porn culture, misogynist culture, and the unpaid drudgery of the nuclear family.
But dayum, the heart bleeds for those poor women in the video. They look exactly the same with the face bungee as without it! You just wanna take’em out for a marg and read’em selections from the S.C.U.M Manifesto or something.