Sep 11 2013

Mass media fails to uplift spinster aunt

“What the hell, Twisty?” you may well ask. “Whyfore no bloggo lo these past 57.8 months or whatever?” Well, the rumors are true. My lobe got totally blown. Kablooey. Lobaceous matter scattered over several square miles. Obstreperal particles were found as far away as the Texas lege, where, thanks to the Supremes, state Republicans bask in the icy purgatorial glow of their discriminatory redistricted voter maps. Fortunately, I, unlike voting rights in Texas, got better.

Moving on.

What a summer. So much vadge-clenching crap has come down the wire. So many degenerate, entitled, sociopathic, narcissist, megalomisogynist assholes in the news. The spinster mettle has been sorely tested. The eel-like Anthony Wiener*, Mayor McHandsypants of San Diego, the repellent Hugo Schwyzer, murderer George Zimmerman, every dude who works in tech, etc.

And oh my god, what about that dicksmoke victim-blaming judge in that wrenching Montana teen rape case? I allude, of course, to Judge G.Todd Baugh, who reduced the convicted rapist’s sentence to thirty days even though he’d flunked out of his court-mandated sex-offender rehab course. Why? Why why why? Apparently Baugh in his wisdom decided that, before she killed herself out of despair, “the 14-year-old girl was acting ‘older than her chronological age’ and [had been] ‘as much in control of the situation’ as the 49-year-old teacher who raped her.”

O my aching lobe. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. No class of human being is more disenfranchised and/or reviled than teenage girls, with the exception of teenage girls who are known to have been penetrated by adult dudes; they are the most disenfranchised people in the entire galaxy.

Well, this morning I thought I might look to cable news for some uplifting info on the possibility of a diplomatic resolution to the impending US-related doom in Syria, or at least enjoy some footage of that giant floating bong in the Mediterranean. Dee-nied. Instead of any actual news, MSNBC decided to re-run in its entirety its 12-year-old minute-by-minute coverage of the fucking 9/11 attacks, with smoke-gushing images and overwrought narration complete.

OK, look. Not as bad as this, but still. On the somber occasion of the anniversary of 9/11 one might wish to reflect, pay homage, observe a moment of silence, light a candle, hug a firefighter or what have you, but if you’re anything like me you need to actually re-live that mass murder exactly never, so you turned that shit off, made an espresso that sadly turned out a little too thin, and consulted your poor, neglected Twitter feed. Despair ensued.

Twitter. I flippin’ hate Twitter. Not only does it put the kibosh on my natural inborn longwindedness, the feminists and anarchists and cheese-makers and noted wits I follow uniformly bum me out. For instance, today I found out that a cabal of mean parade-rainers are, predictably, out to erase Diana Nyad’s heartwarming and astonishing Cuba-to-Florida swim record by accusing her of cheating. Now, like every woman in history who ever accomplished anything, Nyad is required to face her detractors and explain herself.


Oh, and from the feminist-dudes-always-turn-out-to-be-misogyinst-pricks department, check this out: an Australian documentarist has discovered that the Ukrainian feminist group Femen, they of the questionably feminist “our breasts are our weapons” fame, is run by — that’s right — a megalomisogynist dude.

These girls are weak,” he says in the film. “They don’t have the strength of character. They don’t even have the desire to be strong. Instead, they show submissiveness, spinelessness, lack of punctuality, and many other factors which prevent them from becoming political activists. These are qualities which it was essential to teach them.”

Here is the amount of surprise we registered here at Spinster HQ upon learning that enpornulated Ukrainian women who take to the streets in hootchie lingerie with the rape culture motto “FUCK” scrawled across their chests are actually in thrall to an abusive Svengali who admits on film that he masterminded the Femen “movement” in order to get laid:


I wish you could knock me over with a feather, because I need to lie down.

* I did not originate “eel-like” as the most apt descriptor ever for Anthony Wiener. I wish to heck I could remember where I read it, because I would like to buy that genius epithet-coiner a taco.

Femen link via @LettyNijhuis


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  1. Pandechion

    So my daughter is four. Doing whatever I can to prepare her for this bleak reality is as much a part of my daily routine as making sure she’s adequately fed and watered. I divorced her father this year. It is an immense relief. This week he told me he’s marrying his girlfriend in two months. She’s a performance artist who got famous pornographing herself for gallery folk.

    I’m always glad to read what you write. The rest of the world thinks I’m overreacting. The sadness of being told it really isn’t that bad weakens me unnecessarily.

  2. ew_nc

    Misogyny has been having the summer of its life, hasn’t it? It’s like Joe Francis catered the whole affair.

    Earlier this week I was watching CBS morning news and was treated to a story about a “study” that revealed that women at Harvard are at fault for not achieving the academic success of their male counterparts. It’s all because they are too passive! Sure, the male-dominated system oppresses them, but the onus is on the female student to stand up to it. The brain trust behind this study actually have a workshop on campus now to teach women how to be assertive. At no time did they say anything about men changing their behavior. After all, male success is the only real success, right?

    The parallels between this and rape culture draw themselves.

  3. Twisty

    Pandechion, I cringe daily and excessively on behalf of my young nieces, aged 8 and 10. The impulse to never let them out of my sight, which is rooted in the empirical evidence of systemic global misogyny I have gathered over the past 54 years, is difficult to control.

    ew_nc: “It’s like Joe Francis catered the whole affair.” Good one, lady.

  4. Pandechion

    This week her father asked for an extra day a week with her. There ain’t a judge in the world who’d back me up on this one.

  5. Molly

    I just wanted to say that your writing makes my day. It makes me smile a savage, predatory smile and settle into my rage. It helps me face the day. Thank you for that.

    (I’m a junior web developer in Silicon Valley, god fucking help me. But I truly love the work.)

  6. Liza

    Gladdens these poor patriarchy-scratched eyes to see you back and blaming. I live in fear for my niece (now, gasp, 16) and my nephew (12 fragile yrs old) too. This world ain’t fit for good folk.

  7. gwyllion

    Twisty – i visit your site EVERY DAMN DAY hoping hoping – so YAY! and i second Molly:

    “I just wanted to say that your writing makes my day. It makes me smile a savage, predatory smile and settle into my rage. It helps me face the day. Thank you for that.”

    yes, yes, THANK YOU for that!

  8. Lidon

    YOU’RE BACK!!!

    “…every dude who works in tech” Good god yes. I’m going to lose more years off my life if I keep up with every new application those shitheads develop. Those mini muffins are lookin’ pretty good at the moment, although couldn’t they have sprung for regular-sized ones?

  9. Keri

    Why, why, why doth it seem so patriarch-ally fucked up right now? What’s with all extra super sized dose of hatin on the women?

    I hope it’s because stress on the system comes to an apex before revolution succeeds. I fear it’s just the same old shit different day. I recently read “Vindication of the Rights of Woman” on a backpacking trip. Yes, I am late to the ancient texts. So disturbing to think we haven’t come very far at all.

    Makes it better when you’re around to comment though Twisty. Loads better.

  10. quixote

    Oh Lard. A Twisty post! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. A such a good one for settling into rage. (Why does it help so much to settle into rage? I don’t know, but it does.)

    As always, the comments are the other half of it. Thank you, Molly, too!

  11. Erin

    I wish I was surprised at any of this. As it is, I was able to muster a chuckle at the “lack of punctuality” comment.

  12. chacha1

    I love you.

  13. Manuela

    Twisty, you are back!!

    I feel I can breathe a little better, every time I come to your blaming patch – and this summer I have come often, for the reasons you list and too many more. It’s been patriarchy on steroids, and when my brain and heart were ready to explode, I’d come read some of your posts and feel better.

    Also, what chacha1 said.

  14. Helen

    Glad to see you back Twisty! While you USians have been having the summer from hell, we in Australia have been having our winter of discontent. After the sacking of our first female prime minister because “she never cut through to the general public” (ie. general sexism) and an incident where the “Liberal” (Paleocon) party threw a dinner featuring menus describing the pM as a butterflied quail with “enormous thighs, small breasts and a great big box” (“Box” being Aus slang for vagina), the aforementioned paleocons have now won government. The new PM, known for his pithy comments on feminism (“I think it would be folly to expect that women will ever dominate or even approach equal representation in a large number of areas simply because their aptitudes, abilities and interests are different for physiological reasons”….”What the housewives of Australia need to understand as they do the ironing is that if they get it done commercially it’s going to go up in price”, and for reducing the number of female Cabinet ministers to one, has abolished the Office of the Status of Women which used to be attached to the PM’s office, and has appointed HIMSELF… Minister for Women!!!!!!!!!!

    I’m coming over to live in one of your outhouses and look after the horses for my keep.

  15. Arbourist

    Thank you for coming back to post.

    You have made my day. *happy dance*

  16. emilybites

    Twisty! You’ve been missed. It’s been a bad year (aeternal feminist motto?).

  17. wondering

    Welp, I mostly ignore Twitter too (because my attention span dislikes jumping from subject to subject in 140 characters) but I dusted mine off today and I’m glad I did, as that is how I discovered that you have been posting again. For weeks! (2 is plural. I’m allowed to say that.)

    Glad to see you back.

  18. Helen Huntingdon

    Schwyzer has almost killed another young woman: http://www.redlightpolitics.info/post/62707845890/hugo-schwyzer-in-dui-victim-severely-injured-had

  19. Twisty

    Fucking Schwyzer! During my internetian hiatus I managed to go nearly a whole year without having to think about that jizzhole, so I’m a little fuzzy on the deets, but it’s pretty clear that he’s a fucking psychopath, and this pretty much confirms it. Props to Flavia for refusing to back down.

  20. Helen Huntingdon

    Just last week he threw a fit about how Flavia’s commenting on his public writings on her own blog was bullying him into desperation and oblivion.

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