Category Archive: all old movies suck

Jan 27 2014

The Arm (also, the art of selective disregard as a means of intellectual survival in a hostile society)

Colonel Kong rides the giant dick of death to Mutual Assured Destruction

Hopefully* the other night at 3 AM you did not, while in the throes of a nuclear hot flash, accidentally tune to the Turner Classic Movies channel. If you did, I pity you, for with your bloodshot eyes you saw an Irene Dunne/Charles Bickford movie from about 1842 and were once again reminded why American …

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Aug 10 2011

Spinster aunt casts jaundiced eye at scepter of passion

When Kubrick was making the film “Lolita” he was crabbed out that the prudey production code wouldn’t allow him to enfilthen 13-year-old actress Sue Lyon with all the dude-pleasin “eroticism” in Nabokov’s icky novel. He intimated that the godbag-enforced lack of explicit child porn is what caused the film’s initial lukewarm reception and prevented it …

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Jul 11 2011

The intersectionality of menopause and male enhancement

Daily hot flash laundry pile

2:46 A.M. Sudden, overwhelming sense of despair. Blast furnace embedded under skin cranks up to eleven. Hot sweats. Uncontrollable shivers. Cold sweats. Drenched and freezing. Yelling “Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Toweling off, changing clothes, changing sheets. Back to the Tempurpedic for two hours of sleepless ceiling-staring/channel-flipping. 6:30 A.M. Alarm goes off. Discombobulation commences. [Open appeal …

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Jun 22 2011

Spinster aunt watches another Turner Classic Movie, picks chunks of blown lobe off ceiling

Still from "Angel Face" trailer

Last night Turner Classic Movies — it’s horrible, yet I can’t look away — ran the crappy so-called noir classic Angel Face (1953), starring Jean Simmons and Robert Mitchum. Playing the titular character in a tight sweater, Jean Simmons, whose only motivation appears to be that she’s just a manipulative psycho bitch malignant narcissist femme …

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Nov 18 2010

It’s called evolutionary psychology, look it up

On the outside chance that there still exists a member of the Blametariat who has not seen Privilege Denying Dude, a quasi-amusing expression of the deep inner pain of the sex class and other perma-dissed persons, here ya go. Thanks to everyone who sent it in, particularly those whose emails began “I know you’ve already …

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Oct 21 2010

Boy story

Advanced patriarchy blamers have already strapped into their handydyke utility belt of blaming techniques the Bechdel Test. But a little refresher can’t hurt, so check out the vid. The Bechdel test dates back to the 80’s and Alison Bechdel’s iconic comic Dykes to Watch Out For. The test aims the Blistering Beacon of Blame at …

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Oct 16 2010

Saturday invertebrate update

Wolf spider the size of Guam, covered with tiny wolf spiders the size of an island smaller than Guam. When a wolf spider the size of Guam strolls by, encrusted with, literally, a buttload of teensy wolf spiders, it is understandable if you widen the eyes a little and say something along the lines of …

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Jul 04 2010

No Art Week would be complete without Yoko

On the other hand, here is a film script excerpted from our girl Yoko Ono’s 1964 arty book Grapefruit. In Grapefruit, Yoko writes poetical instructions for arty stuff, theoretically for the reader’s own lobes to complete. Like “go sit out in the sun and eat a tuna sandwich.” What a lazy artist. Trying to oil …

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May 21 2010

Profiles in Patriarchy: “The Girl”

No secrets will be revealed when I say that I watch television with depressing regularity, and that this habit chaps my hide a mile wide, but I can’t stop, because the carnage endlessly fascinates. Even the supposedly feminist shows (“30 Rock”) feature, not real feminism, but only bogus patriarchy-marketing TV feminism. Bogus patriarchy-marketing TV feminism …

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Apr 25 2007

Mid-century doctor drama gives spinster aunt the willies


I am old enough to remember when nurses wore those weird white cardboard things on their heads, and when doctors smoked with impunity when groping them. It is with total confidence in the author’s policy never to reveal publicly the majority of her flaws that the blamer can enjoy I Blame the Patriarchy. Yet, lest …

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