Category Archive: Art is my LIFE

That which pertains to the desperate need for self-expression.

Sep 08 2009

You thought I was just kidding

Announcing my new heartwarming nature crap series, “Mutant Prickly Pear Paddles of the Texas Hill Country.” I expect to turn the project into a coffee table book sometime in the future, perhaps when people can afford to buy coffee tables again. While I tootle off to Austin to buy some polyvinyl alcohol (the armadillos are …

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Sep 06 2009

Austin inhabitant eschews Twitter; employs extremely inefficient low-tech communication device

You know how sometimes something sort of funny happens? Something sort of funny happened to me this morning. The canids and I were out traipsing over hill and dale, like we do every morning. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the fish were flapping, the snakes were snaking, etc. I’d found a funky …

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Aug 16 2009

Another amateur pornographer deludes self he’s an artiste

This amateur pornographer, known on the website as “Pelicanh,” snaps photos of naked ladies, stands back, basks in it, and calls it art. Furthermore, he puts it on the World Wide Web and gets thousands of hits a day. Furthermore, he is eager to demonstrate to his followers his superiority in the field of …

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Aug 15 2009


Who doesn’t love the Greeks? First, they invent peach melba. Then Maria Callas. Then they donate a husband and provider to tragic grieving widow Jackie Kennedy. Pretty good, right? But wait, there’s more! No sooner do they set up that hilarious light show at the Parthenon than they produce this excellent mystery woman. The unnamed …

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Jul 25 2009

Live-blogging not getting off the couch all day

12:14 PM Inevitably there comes a time in every gentleman farmer’s life when heartwarming nature crap wears the her down to a nub, and she is obliged to press the mellow agrarian keister into the lime green recliner, giving Phil strict orders that neither the TV remote nor the laptop nor the medium-sized plastic container …

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Jul 07 2009

iPhone Cinema

Do I just sit around making goofy little movies with my iPhone these days? Yup. Behold Attack of the Bathroom Accoutrements, director’s cut.

Jun 29 2009

All old movies suck

An “old movie” thread has been requested. Ask and ye shall receive. Longtime blamers are well aware that, while recuperating from gory ankle reconstruction surgery a couple years ago — remember? Bert dug a hole, and I fell in it? — I became strangely fascinated by the Turner Classic Movie channel. The Turner Classic Movie …

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May 05 2009

Spinster aunt finally makes use of abandoned Flickr account

This indigo bunting perished dramatically in a picture window mishap. Note the excellent iridescent turquoise feathers on her shoulders. Sure, demand is as infinitesimal as it is small, but that hasn’t stopped me from sticking a big clump of my most award-nominated heartwarming nature crap photos up on Flickr. I am enbiggening the collection daily, …

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Apr 23 2009

Spinster aunt resorts to posting Onion link

Turkey vulture perceives that I have found the right lens and changed the dead battery, so naturally it biffs off before I can focus. Note dead duck toy in lower right.

This is all I got, goddamit. I might have had a hilarious picture of the giant turkey vulture that just landed in the dog run and tried to scavenge offa Bert’s stuffed toy dead duck, but you know how when giant turkey vultures land in your yard to peck at dog toys you never have …

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Apr 02 2009

Whimsical monkey butt video of the week

Tastes in monkey butts come and go, but nothing’s as thrilling as tasting the red ones. monkey’s butt is red from min oh on Vimeo.

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