Category Archive: Crazy sexy cancer

That which pertains to the megacancerocracy, as well as to Twisty Faster’s own first-hand experiences with this most crapulent of diseases

Nov 19 2009

American boobs used as political football, part 472

Regular readers know that, news-wise, CNN confuses me, and that I have all but kicked the NPR habit (it seems fantastic, but El Rancho Deluxe gets only one radio station, and it only plays one song: that Red Hot Chili Peppers slow dance where the dude yodels in that weird accent about how he doesn’t …

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Sep 02 2009

Just when you thought it was safe

Julia's surgeons break out the barbecue forks.

The Blogulation Department here at Spinster HQ has been on sabbatical due to auntly apathy and writer’s block. The deadly apathy/writer’s block combo, which results from intermittently spasmodic crystalline antimatter anomalies in the obstreperal lobe — brought on, no doubt, by extended megatheocorporatocratic interference — is also responsible for my having chucked college, all my …

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May 20 2009

Outtakes from “Escape from Savage Death Island”

1. While awaiting phlebotomization yesterday at Cancerland, I thumb through a copy of People magazine. Here is what expert sexologist Bristol Palin has to say on the efficacy of magic fundamentalist christian abstinence-juju sex ed: “If girls realized the consequences of sex, nobody would be having sex,” says Bristol, sitting at her parents’ lakeside patio …

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Aug 19 2008

Cardboard jungle causes smoking

Have you ever, while you were packing into cardboard boxes all your spinster auntly accouterments (I allude to the complete Proust — in French — that you keep on the mantle, as if ; ceramic baby-smoking-a-cig figurine; giant rubber toad; 80′s vintage 4-track w/ gazillion basement recordings on cassette) run out of newspaper? Requiring an …

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May 02 2008

The vital mission of intimate apparel

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As a spinster aunt whose monthly cancer drug bill could put a kid through Harvard, I always enjoy getting emails from people named Andrew at the National Boob Job Awareness Foundation who love my blog and are certain that my readers would equally love hearing about the Lap Dance For the Cure event or whatever. …

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Apr 16 2008

Medical test results of the week

For those of you who follow my cancersploits and were wondering how my battery of scans from the other day turned out: a big old nugatory on all fronts. I post this because I have noticed a marked tendency among the more melodramatically-inclined sector of the blametariat to speculate, in the absence of specific information …

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Apr 14 2008

Sneer of the week

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It is possible to avoid going to shopping malls. If you’re imprisoned by Fundamentalist Mormons in the middle of West Texas. The other day, for no very interesting reason, I was hot-footin’ it through one of these whirling vortices of polyester lust when I happened upon the above-pictured wretched display of consumerist bogosity. Simon Property …

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Aug 17 2007

Cancer sampler

cancerbroidery.jpg

I was mucking out the Twisty Archive of Abandoned Projects when I came across this funky and anomalous object. “Oh yeah,” I said. “That thing!” It’s a self-portrait in cancerbroidery, incompleted a summer ago as I recuperated from, and felt compelled to represent in a medium with which I was entirely unfamiliar, assorted barbaric cancer …

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Aug 12 2007

Plucky gal parlays terminal illness into book, movie deal

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Photo from TLC “The Life Lens” Documentary series. It just shows to go ya, if you slap the word ‘sexy’ on it, you can sell anything. Even “seemingly tragic” stage 4 cancer! [Gracias, scrappyBadger]

Jun 01 2007

Breakfast of quadragenarians

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Moonrise over the berry-flavored barium ‘smoothie’. UPDATE, JUNE 2: For those of you following my tiptoe through the garden of cancer, the scans were negative for metastases. One is tempted to hoist cups of wassail, but as it is only 10:30 in the morning, a shot of Patrón will suffice. A shout-out to the excellent …

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