That which pertains to the megacancerocracy, as well as to Twisty Faster’s own first-hand experiences with this most crapulent of diseases
Sep 04 2006
Members of the Faster clan (sibling Tidy and niece Ro-Tel) subverting the status quo in 2003 Ripped from the headlines: Actual local TV news ‘update’: “Is breast-feeding in public beautiful or tab-oo? Tonight at ten find out what Austin thinks about this divisive issue!†Holy Frito-pie on a Guardian Select aluminum crutch. So how did …
Aug 08 2006
Today the spinster aunt contemplates swim-wear. Specifically, nonboobal swim-wear. What’s the big whoop, you ask? Well, it’s like this. If a gal with a couple of lumpy scars where her ta-tas used to be wants to go swimming in public, the sartorial considerations are complex. You’d think nonboobalosity would simplify things, as it does for …
Jul 19 2006
The Uniboober, sent in by the blaming Burt family First, my heartfelt thanks to everyone who sent their tokens of esteem down here. Ensmellulated soap! Muffins! Mary Oliver! Queen Lucia! CDs of your music! Space pen like on ‘Seinfeld’! The Uniboober! The depth of the blaming community’s generosity knows no bounds. To those of you …
Jul 10 2006
Yesterday’s dinner. You know what smells really bad? My ass. It’s a lovely day for an amputation here in Austin, so in about an hour I’ll begin infesting a large midtown hospital for just that purpose. In a couple of days I’ll be back with more grisly photos of flaccid hospital food and gross scars. …
Jul 03 2006
Consumering is tedious enough without having to do it in some cavernous purgatory staffed by drooling imbeciles in polyester vests. Which is why one of my favorite things about the internet—I am old enough that I still can’t quite calm down about the internet—is that with a few flicks of the wrist I can entirely …
Jun 10 2006
The squash-and-green-bean thing I ate at Fino the other day. The Spinster Aunt of the New Millennium has much in common with this plate of flaccid vegetables. The results are in! One four-thousand-dollar-genetic-test-that-insurance-won’t-cover later, it turns out that I am a mutant. I have the BRCA2 mutation, one of two mutations known to predispose people …
May 15 2006
Breast cancer—that’s my cancer— is the hippest cancer going. It’s got races and ribbons and products galore. It’s even got its own color. Insipid baby pink. You can’t swing a dead cat these days without hitting some insipid baby pink breast cancer version of a product that’s usually made in some less annoying color. Corporations …
Mar 21 2006
My last day at chemo was, until the end, like all the other days at chemo. I slouched in my barcalounger, they stabbed me with a 1″ needle in the bottlecap-sized subcutaneous catheter surgically implanted for this purpose (yes, it hurts), and they proceeded, over the next five hours, to dump several quarts of toxic …
Mar 20 2006
At long last, it has arrived. My Last Day Of Chemo. Can I get a hell yeah. To celebrate, after my delightful 5-hour infusion I’m goin’ out shopping for an Airstream. Because that’s how Twisty’s gonna roll. I leave you with The Moron Comment of the Week, from a guy who actually used the terrific …
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