I offer this photo as proof of auntliness. Nothing cracks up a couple of nieces more than careening around a farm in a Gator full of horse poop. Whenever I think about the rude awakening they’re about to get, patriarchy-wise, my lobe explodes and I have to beam back to Obstreperon for a transplant.
Category Archive: El Rancho Deluxe
Tales from the Faster country seat in Cottonmouth County, Texas
Nov 17 2011
The Donkey Chronicles, Part 2
Certainly you are on the edge of your seat awaiting some sort of resolution to the Donkey Situation. Here’s the status report: The donkeys’ owner has finally been located, thanks to the expert sleuthing of Sgt. Jimmy of the Cottonmouth County Sheriff’s Dept. Crappily, it turns out that the owner is Mr Classy from seven …
Nov 12 2011
To whomever is missing 3 donkeys near Rattlesnake, TX
[UPDATE: Donkey mistook pool cover for solid ground, fell in, got trapped in deep end under pool cover. Had a hell of a time -- about an hour and a half -- getting her out. Her best friend paced on the sidelines the whole time in a sort of worried panic, hee-hawing more or less …
Feb 27 2011
Spinster Aunt Hiatus Diaries: I’m surrounded by invisible turkeys
It’s 7:30 in the morning. I just got back from tracking a flock of wild turkeys through dense underbrush and am now plucking cactus needles out of my ankles. I am an award-nominated spinster aunt, but my nomination was not, alas, in the field of wild turkey tracking. These turkeys were definitely in close proximity, …
Sep 17 2010
What I did on my summer vacation
Got a new horse. I’m not gonna lie. She’s more fun than patriarchy blaming. Her name is Iz. For those who give a fig about equine particulars, she’s a bloomy 10-year-old chestnut 15.3 Thoroughbred/Oldenburg cross who never puts a foot wrong. We’ll be doing the low hunters, Spinster Aunt Division. In this award-nominated video Iz …
Jul 16 2010
Spinster aunt posts photo of wagging tail without comment
Jilroy Silliphant. Franny with white chair. 1963.
May 26 2010
Heartwarming $20 Bill of the Week
The picturesque Texas Hill Country is full of pleasant surprises. Take this abnormally tiny $20 bill, for example. I sure did!
Apr 18 2010
The Hot Flash Chronicles
View, from a 40-foot crane, of a crane operator, and of my fascinating roof. Bizarre hot flash anecdote of the day: The time: 3:30 in the morning. Spinster aunt was awakened from moist and fitful sleep by hot flash accompanied by usual aura of hopelessness and impending doom (by the way, the Spinstitute for Post-Hysterectomy …
Jan 24 2010
Rednecks vs hogs
Do you often say to yourself, “I wonder, what does a feral hog track look like, anyway?” Look no further. Behold the goods. This track was huge enough that I have no wish to encounter the hog what made it. It probably has giant venomous fangs, spiked tail, and 6-inch claws. Texas has more feral …
Should you wish to flatter me with theft
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Savage Death Island Motto
Take it or fucking leave it and get the hell away from me.
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