Category Archive: El Rancho Deluxe

Tales from the Faster country seat in Cottonmouth County, Texas

Mar 01 2012

Monster truck

I offer this photo as proof of auntliness. Nothing cracks up a couple of nieces more than careening around a farm in a Gator full of horse poop. Whenever I think about the rude awakening they’re about to get, patriarchy-wise, my lobe explodes and I have to beam back to Obstreperon for a transplant.

Nov 17 2011

The Donkey Chronicles, Part 2

Certainly you are on the edge of your seat awaiting some sort of resolution to the Donkey Situation. Here’s the status report: The donkeys’ owner has finally been located, thanks to the expert sleuthing of Sgt. Jimmy of the Cottonmouth County Sheriff’s Dept. Crappily, it turns out that the owner is Mr Classy from seven …

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Nov 12 2011

To whomever is missing 3 donkeys near Rattlesnake, TX

[UPDATE: Donkey mistook pool cover for solid ground, fell in, got trapped in deep end under pool cover. Had a hell of a time — about an hour and a half — getting her out. Her best friend paced on the sidelines the whole time in a sort of worried panic, hee-hawing more or less …

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Feb 27 2011

Spinster Aunt Hiatus Diaries: I’m surrounded by invisible turkeys

It’s 7:30 in the morning. I just got back from tracking a flock of wild turkeys through dense underbrush and am now plucking cactus needles out of my ankles. I am an award-nominated spinster aunt, but my nomination was not, alas, in the field of wild turkey tracking. These turkeys were definitely in close proximity, …

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Sep 17 2010

What I did on my summer vacation

Got a new horse. I’m not gonna lie. She’s more fun than patriarchy blaming. Her name is Iz. For those who give a fig about equine particulars, she’s a bloomy 10-year-old chestnut 15.3 Thoroughbred/Oldenburg cross who never puts a foot wrong. We’ll be doing the low hunters, Spinster Aunt Division. In this award-nominated video Iz …

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Jul 16 2010

Spinster aunt posts photo of wagging tail without comment

Jilroy Silliphant. Franny with white chair. 1963.

Jun 08 2010

The heartwarming zubiks of Obstreperon

May 26 2010

Heartwarming $20 Bill of the Week

The picturesque Texas Hill Country is full of pleasant surprises. Take this abnormally tiny $20 bill, for example. I sure did!

Apr 18 2010

The Hot Flash Chronicles

View, from a 40-foot crane, of a crane operator, and of my fascinating roof. Bizarre hot flash anecdote of the day: The time: 3:30 in the morning. Spinster aunt was awakened from moist and fitful sleep by hot flash accompanied by usual aura of hopelessness and impending doom (by the way, the Spinstitute for Post-Hysterectomy …

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Jan 24 2010

Rednecks vs hogs

Do you often say to yourself, “I wonder, what does a feral hog track look like, anyway?” Look no further. Behold the goods. This track was huge enough that I have no wish to encounter the hog what made it. It probably has giant venomous fangs, spiked tail, and 6-inch claws. Texas has more feral …

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