Category Archive: Femininity

That which pertains to the set of male-defined behaviors and practices the degree of assimilation of which determines the social success of any given woman, regardless of the degree to which the behaviors and practices benefit her objectively.

Feb 17 2014

Hail to the P

Here at the bunkhouse we recently had the opportunity to curl several jaundiced lips at another commercial for a femininity-compliance product. The product was Summer’s Eve Cleansing Wash. Summer’s Eve Cleansing Wash is a chemical detergent intended to scour the offensive, disgusting filth off your nasty vulva, a body part that nowadays — in an …

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Feb 07 2014

Reality TV star slips off rope

The Savage Death heart bleeds for Rachel Frederickson, whose name was all over our news feed yesterday morning. I allude to the winning contestant on a TV reality show called The Biggest Loser. The Biggest Loser is a weight loss competition.* You heard me right. Competitive weight loss is apparently a spectator sport now, because …

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Jul 25 2012

“Pure panic” results in $25 face bungee

Watch More News Videos at ABC 2012 Presidential Election Entertainment & Celebrity News This device, invented by a woman suffering the femininity-imposed body dysmorphia typical of all 21st century women over the age of 12 (she was moved to create it “out of pure panic,”) attaches to your hair and stretches out your face. It’s …

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May 13 2012

Gag me with a silver spoon

I am pretty sure that you were wondering whether my manure pile has produced any frisbee-sized mushrooms recently. Meanwhile, I just heard, out of the corner of my ear, a commercial for a new reality TV show called Pregnant in Heels. I thought it was going to be a dramedy about prostituted women. Nope. Rich …

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May 09 2012

Hugs, Twisty: Hey I know, let’s chuck some transgenderism chitchat at the wall and see what sticks!

I don’t know if it’s because I’m feeling pretty fresh and minty after having taken a few personal days months, or simply because I’m experiencing a nostalgic hankering for the days of yore when we so often enjoyed polite, pinkies-in-the-air discourse on the topic, but I just couldn’t let this email from an anguished blamer …

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Feb 28 2012

Shirt happens

more fucking sexist crap

If you are a lady whose heart’s desire is to buy a Boing-Boing T-shirt featuring a giant angry unicorn puking blood, the privilege will cost you $2 more than it will cost a dude. This is because, although the women’s shirts are smaller and use less fabric, women Boingers apparently must appease dudenation by spending …

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Feb 07 2012

PBS: Profiles in sexiness

Longtime readers are aware that hot flashes at 2 AM often oblige spinster aunts to engage in feverish channel-flipping. Last night, in the grip this plague, I encountered on PBS a riveting episode of “American Experience,” which series documentarizes and dramatizes the lives of iconic figures in American history. The subject of last night’s re-run …

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Oct 01 2011

Whoops

Haley just wanted to be popular. What went wrong?

Forgot I had a blog. Sorry about that. But here’s a sweet little movie you won’t want to miss. Girl Fight airs on Lifetime this Monday. “Inspired” by a “true story” about mean girls who beat up one of their own and post it on YouTube for internet fame and revenge, it’s super on-trend. Although …

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Jul 24 2011

This TV ad is also puke

spokesfist

Summer’s Eve — the douche subsidiary of Fleet Laboratories, the company that makes enemas and other crap you stick up your ass — has a new spokesfist. According to this fist, which talks by thumb-synching to a voiceover, it can “perform the miracle of birth” and “make men drop to their knees in about 2.1 …

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Jul 24 2011

TV ad is puke

Navel-gazing as beauty ritual

Whenever I accidentally ingest poison and need to induce vomiting in a hurry, I watch a TV commercial for a beauty product. Recently, none* has been as efficient in producing instapuke as this ad for Mederma stretch mark remover. The commercial features attractive young women in underwear and fuzzy socks. Light, fluffy “la la la” …

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