Category Archive: Heartwarming Nature Crap

May 13 2012

Gag me with a silver spoon

I am pretty sure that you were wondering whether my manure pile has produced any frisbee-sized mushrooms recently. Meanwhile, I just heard, out of the corner of my ear, a commercial for a new reality TV show called Pregnant in Heels. I thought it was going to be a dramedy about prostituted women. Nope. Rich …

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Mar 15 2012

Le sacre du printemps

___________ Lyrical abstract expressionist painting? Hell no! It’s a chrysanthemum stamen magnified 50 times! Perceptive readers will have percepted that it’s gettin to be spring again. At Spinster HQ, this development can mean only one thing: get the fuck outside, chump! Which is exactly what I have done. Instead of assiduously poring over horrible news …

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Jan 20 2012

Spinster aunt downloads book

Spinster aunts, it is widely known, are among the world’s foremost experts, but the relentless trickle of time can erode even the masterful chops of our giant spongiform lobes. Which is why it never hurts to burnish the old bean with a weltanshauung-enbiggening book every now and then. As luck would have it, just as …

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Nov 17 2011

The Donkey Chronicles, Part 2

Certainly you are on the edge of your seat awaiting some sort of resolution to the Donkey Situation. Here’s the status report: The donkeys’ owner has finally been located, thanks to the expert sleuthing of Sgt. Jimmy of the Cottonmouth County Sheriff’s Dept. Crappily, it turns out that the owner is Mr Classy from seven …

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Oct 20 2011

Spinster aunt has a cow

Franny, Spinster HQ’s yella lab, started barking her face off the way she usually does whenever there is a 2500 pound mammal on the porch, and sure enough. When I sidled over to the front door, there was no denying it: there was definitely a black Angus cow studying the doorknob. Let it be known …

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Jun 21 2011

Feminist blog saves lives


Reader testimonials! I. Just last week I successfully identified a cluster of stinkhorn mushrooms. All because I read this here blog. I took pictures! I told my friends! Life is better with Heartwarming Nature Crap! — cootie twoshoes Send the pictures, La Cootie, send the pictures. Stinkhorns are, as the poet said, teh awesome. Obviously, …

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May 03 2011

Here, kitty-kitty

No time to post! So here’s the discussion topic for today, inspired by TwissB’s comment on a recent post. Pets: wholesome, mutually satisfying relationship, or slavery? I had the misfortune yesterday, while driving through the picturesque Texas hill country in the rain — (that’s right, I said “rain.” It hasn’t rained here since about 1839. …

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Apr 13 2011

Spinster aunt compulsively watches eaglecam

Male eagle feeds fish shards to E2. Screengrab from Decorah eaglecam.

Surely, because you have not spent the past week under a rock or in a cryogenic stasis of some kind, today’s heartwarming nature crap-cam recommendation is unnecessary. I allude to the Decorah bald eagles with which you are undoubtedly already obsessed, so I don’t need to explain that they’re a nesting pair raising 3 recently-hatched …

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Mar 10 2011

Spinster aunt has a cow, man

For our next riveting installment of Heartwarming Nature Crap, I present the heartwarming Texas longhorn heifer (or calf — what am I, some kinda cattle sexpert?) who lives across the creek from El Rancho Deluxe with a herd of much, much bigger longhorns. This longhorn herd greatly interests my dogs, to the extent that they …

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Feb 27 2011

Spinster Aunt Hiatus Diaries: I’m surrounded by invisible turkeys

It’s 7:30 in the morning. I just got back from tracking a flock of wild turkeys through dense underbrush and am now plucking cactus needles out of my ankles. I am an award-nominated spinster aunt, but my nomination was not, alas, in the field of wild turkey tracking. These turkeys were definitely in close proximity, …

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