Unidentified terrestrial object, September 2009. Fellow heartwarming nature crappists will recall that, although spinster aunts are closely related to mushrooms (in terms of a shared propensity to sprout on rotting logs), my mycological chops are not, perhaps, as finely honed as might be considered ideal. Thus I will refrain from positively identifying this appealing, orange, …
Category Archive: Keep your bias off my gender
That which pertains to gender-based bigotry, discrimination, or hate.
Sep 08 2009
You thought I was just kidding
Announcing my new heartwarming nature crap series, “Mutant Prickly Pear Paddles of the Texas Hill Country.” I expect to turn the project into a coffee table book sometime in the future, perhaps when people can afford to buy coffee tables again. While I tootle off to Austin to buy some polyvinyl alcohol (the armadillos are …
Jun 21 2009
Spinster aunt longs to bathe lobe
Ever since the Lightning Strike of Aught Nine took out my radio tower and my satellite and the computer running the missile silos I have aimed at various undisclosed megatheocorporatocratic installations, I’ve been out of the loop. I just heard that David Letterman told a tasteless joke about Willow Palin getting knocked up. I don’t …
Jun 02 2009
Anecdotal evidence of something
The White Zinfandel Scare of the 1980′s produced lingering aftershocks of dumbassness of which I was heretofore unaware. It’s 2009, and men are terrified of rosé wines. So quoth Stingray, reporting from the Spinster Sommelier Department. Apparently, when non-oenophile men and women attend her wine tastings, men eschew the rosé without fail, but women, of …
May 22 2009
Spinster aunt emits guffaw at Sarah Haskins vid
Troubled by that TV commercial where the laundry detergent teddy bear mascot tries to drown a woman in a giant hot tub filled with pink laundry, but instead of calling the cops or trying to kill the teddy bear, the woman is grateful, and the teddy bear puts up a Do Not Disturb sign so …
May 11 2009
Hugs, Twisty: the continuing binary genderfication of America, and the introduction of the Ditwuss Awards
Blamer Kate reports via Blackberry from the West Coast: Dear Twisty, A laughably obnoxious ad cluster I spotted at the intersection of 6th and Anza in San Francisco while doing my very dudely pizza delivery work: [For those of you who can’t make out the slogans in the photo: “Save the calories for bacon.” “0 …
Apr 21 2009
Wingnut on liberal media payroll redefines bigotry as justice
If only there were enough hours in the day. But there aren’t, so this here snake is all I got. And this here link. Salon. Yeah, I’ve stopped reading it, too, but once in a while a blamer sends a link, and the next thing you know, there I am, writhing in pain over another …
Apr 15 2009
All-girl ant species sends shockwaves through ant community
Having undergone a BBC news feed relapse, I discover some South American ants who live in “a world without sex.” But the BBC exaggerates for comic effect, because of course the ants do not live in a world without sex. They live in a colony without males. The article claims that these ants are the …
Apr 08 2009
Primate week continues: the origins of prostitution
Yipes, that dang-ole BBC news feed! As mentioned yesterday, the thing infests the Twisty mainframe with a resilience matched only by the Great “Law & Order” Marathon of ’03. I allude to a dark interlude wherein my formerly happy-go-lucky keister became inexplicably fused to my lime green recliner while, according to a rigorous schedule, I …
Apr 02 2009
It’s bleak to me
or Shut up, woman! Say what you will about Spinster Aunt Global’s Comparative Language Lab; our legendary world-famous notoriety is well-known for two reasons. One is our extraordinary subtlety, an almost, um, what’s the word … undetectable expertise in our field of study. The other is that we’re perpetually contemplating opening a branch office in …
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