Category Archive: Public Cans of Austin

Spinster aunt bravely takes her camera to the john.

Feb 21 2007

Public Cans of Austin: Hotel San José

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The can at the chic Hotel San José on trendy South Congress Ave: where edgy, creative people with sculpted bed-head go to pee. It’s unisex! Once again spinster auntly pursuits interfere with today’s blaming schedule; I must take charge of my 3-year-old niece Rotel. She telephoned yesterday to inform me — in the background I …

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Jan 11 2007

Public Cans of Austin: Blue Star Cafeteria

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It is a comfort to know that, in the event of a sudden torrent, the can designated for use at Blue Star Cafeteria by people who identify or are identified as women is equipped with a handy drain. Although it is a restaurant, the Blue Star Cafeteria isn’t a cafeteria. Naturally this is both distressing …

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Dec 15 2006

Public Cans of Austin: El Gringo

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Stingray calls this “western kitsch,” but I fail to see what’s so kitschy about a gold spray-painted horseshoe. I-35 runs down the middle of Austin, a cee-ment ribbon of apartheid segregating the populace according to caste. On the west side, which is never called “the West Side,” is the university, the Whole Foods, the horrid …

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Dec 03 2006

Public Cans of Austin: Café Caffeine

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The exterior of the can at Café Caffeine poses a philosophic challenge to the connoisseur in juxtaposing a bleak and crummy frameless painting with ironic vintage deco signage, but the message is ultimately one of post-industrial alienation. You know how when you’re driving along, whistling a happy tune, and you pass a business and the …

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Oct 27 2006

Public Cans of Austin: Emo’s

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Feast your eyes upon the sink in the can at Emo’s on Red River while you contemplate today’s question. What is “fun”? Because of its early associations — many of which were not without their cheap French whiff of the meretricious (it’s not called ‘tomfoolery’ for nothin) — with practical jokes, cons, and hoaxes, Johnson …

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Oct 14 2006

Public Cans of Austin: Maria’s Taco XPress

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I did not photoshop the undersea aura into this snap; this is one of the few women’s cans I have ever seen that has ventured beyond “pinkly flattering” into the uncharted territory of “Martian hag” as a criterion for its lighting scheme. They razed a trailer park and tore down Maria’s Taco XPress a few …

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Aug 31 2006

Public Cans of Austin: Kerby Lane (South Lamar)

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The grim and sinister baby-changing table in the can at Kerbey Lane has graffiti all over it. It’s where all the infant junkies of South Austin go to get changed. I knew you would want to see it, but—and I blame my dog Bert for this—the pictures came out like crap on accounta when I …

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May 01 2006

Public Cans of Austin: Chinatown

The lavatory has been locked for three hours solid…. I think they are using it for an operating room…. NURSE: “I can’t find her pulse, doctor.” DR. BENWAY: “Maybe she got it up her snatch in a finger stall.” NURSE: “Adrenalin, doctor?” Above: treat yourself to the panoramic view from the throne in the can …

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Apr 27 2006

Can A Liberal White Dude Be A Feminist?

But first: the can at Flipnotics. Good iced coffee. Really funked-up soap dispenser. My post on fizzy wine in a pink can recently drew a “male feminist” out of his pin-up encrusted lair and into the open patriarchy-blaming field, with predictably hilarious consequences. This male feminist (let’s call him “MF” for short), after apprising the …

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Apr 22 2006

Stingray and the Old Bat

Fried oysters (with fried calamari at the other end of the plate) at Ranch 616: highly edible Stingray and I have embarked on the Fried Oyster Tour of Austin. The purpose of this endeavor is not so much to determine a gold medalist as it is to simply eat fried oysters as often as possible. …

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