Category Archive: The Beauty Ultimatum

Women had better do everything in their power to be beautiful, or else.

Apr 09 2011

Spinster aunt continues to be irked by Dove soap ads

This science picture shows how the surface of your skin is actually a miniature Chuck E Cheese foam ball sinkhole

The brilliant Sarah Haskins vanished from the infoMANIA television show in January 2010, and has somehow managed to elude Google on the subject of her current professional status. This is sad news for rabid fans like me, who would much prefer that, regardless of the personal costs to her, Haskins keep cranking out quality feminist …

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Dec 18 2010

A lil bit of twerking and lifting


Patriarchy blamers are world renowned for their (professed) eschewment of cable television, so it is possible that you have not heard of the most misogynist TV show ever conceived. As an award-nominated professional bearer of bad news, I am here to correct this situation. The history of women’s degradation is long and colorful, but this …

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Aug 04 2010

Spinster aunt casts jaundiced eye at popular television show

Hollywood has long been recognized by the Global Cabal of Spinster Aunts as Ground Zero for American misogyny. Like everything that gurgles forth from that foul city, this Mad Men sensation that’s sweeping the nation has many sicko antifeminist repercussions. Never heard of Mad Men? It’s a “critically acclaimed” — which means that edgy dudes …

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Jun 05 2010

Hugs, Twisty: Woman’s sex appeal is unbearable to knob coworkers

To: Twisty Faster From: maria m. miranda Subject: Jezebel: woman fired for being too sexy at job Message: I know Jezebel covered this, but I want YOU to write about it. Dear maria m. miranda, Nothing gives me greater pleasure than catering to the whims of complete strangers! Here’s my synopsis [pieced together from the …

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Apr 28 2010

Liveblogging my busy morning


Listening to NPR. Piece on Depression photographer Dorothea Lange. Lange expert describes the so-called “Destitute Mother” photograph as iconic in that the woman pictured clearly exhibits anxiety about being dirt-poor, but is also “a very beautiful woman.” The subject’s actual identity (Florence Thompson, age 32; had just sold the tires off her car to buy …

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Apr 04 2010

The case for flip-flops and flowing robes


When I got a spam for “men in wedding dresses” this morning I thought, hell yeah! I sure do wanna see some men in wedding dresses. I bet men look even more asinine in wedding dresses than women do. And who doesn’t want to look at something asinine first thing on Sunday morning? Men universally …

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Mar 30 2010

Scum: not the real enemy


Sick of beauty? Dang it, me too. That’s why I’m posting on it more or less nonstop. Blamer Magriff, reading yesterday’s post on how beauty is dumb, suggested that for crying out loud, people, shut the fuck up about beauty. She based her suggestion on the notion that writing about beauty merely perpetuates its evil …

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Mar 29 2010

I like pie

Feminists always have to go around explaining that they don’t hate men. The man-hater accusation is the standard response to anything a feminist might say. Feminist: One in five women will be sexually assaulted on campus by the time she graduates. Antifeminist: You’re just a man-hater! Feminist: But I’m quoting a report from the Department …

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Feb 22 2010

Is your pout plump enough?

lip plumper

Oh my fucking god, behold yet another story in a major American newspaper wherein the writer gets all verklempt about this wack new burlesque craze, just fifteen short years after the first quasi-transgressive hipsters disentombed it from its well-deserved mothball crypt in the misogynist perv-pile. Any excuse to interview a semi-nude chick with a stripper …

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Jan 13 2010

Cheap frills: spinster aunt views child beauty pageant on TV

Remind you of anyone?

This dude is charged with murdering a woman unfortunate enough to have married him — she documented his violent episodes in her diary — and the Beeb reports that she had a “volatile personality”? ! * * * * * * * * * * In other antifeminist news, yesterday the satellite dish at Spinster …

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