Category Archive: The Beauty Ultimatum

Women had better do everything in their power to be beautiful, or else.

Dec 25 2009

Husband and wife blog team on board with antifeminist backlash even though it’s so 20 years ago

Wait. I have a blog? Shitfire! But wow, check out this dumb blog. It’s one of those blogs that has “book deal” written all over it. It’s supposedly a husband-and-wife joint coaching the reader on the successful pursuit of traditional manliness. Traditional manliness isn’t just a lifestyle, it’s a movement! It agitates in support of …

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Sep 17 2009

CrotchWatch ’09

Today Spinster HQ kicks off our much-anticipated new feature, CrotchWatch ’09. Through CrotchWatch ’09 we’ll keep careful tabs on global genitalia. Because the state of being female is a medical condition, we’ll start with NetDoctor. NetDoctor is a UK-based health tip website. It contains “all you need to know about the prevention, treatment and management …

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Sep 11 2009

Hugs, Twisty: The color of womanhood, plus I suck all the fun out of a Bette Davis classic

Staffers at Spinster HQ (namely, me and my secretary Phil) are always delighted when an incoming email is brief. We’re even more delighted when it does not contain some variation on the “your head is up your ass” theme. We’re even more delighted still when its author more or less desperately confides that s/he is …

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Sep 02 2009

Tyra wants you


Airbrushed TV hottie seeks mother with “feminist viewpoint.” Photo from Howdy blamers. You know how I am constantly getting emails from people who have no idea what I Blame the Patriarchy is but tell me it’s “great” and hope to use it for their own patriarchy-affirming ends, usually by selling stuff? Here’s an appeal …

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Sep 02 2009

Just when you thought it was safe

Julia's surgeons break out the barbecue forks.

The Blogulation Department here at Spinster HQ has been on sabbatical due to auntly apathy and writer’s block. The deadly apathy/writer’s block combo, which results from intermittently spasmodic crystalline antimatter anomalies in the obstreperal lobe — brought on, no doubt, by extended megatheocorporatocratic interference — is also responsible for my having chucked college, all my …

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Aug 16 2009

Another amateur pornographer deludes self he’s an artiste

This amateur pornographer, known on the website as “Pelicanh,” snaps photos of naked ladies, stands back, basks in it, and calls it art. Furthermore, he puts it on the World Wide Web and gets thousands of hits a day. Furthermore, he is eager to demonstrate to his followers his superiority in the field of …

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Aug 15 2009

Spinster aunt watches CNN so you don’t have to

CNN has a “Health for Her” segment. “Health for Her” is represented by one of those Venus female symbols in the background, to differentiate it from regular health. Today’s women’s health segment isn’t about boring old breast cancer or vaginas or about how generally unhealthy it is to be female on this planet, though. It’s …

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Mar 30 2009

Psychologists conduct studies, or, The Boothroyd Show

It strains the lobe to contemplate what passes, in mainstream media, for women’s health reportage. BBC News, for example, has a passel of crap in the “Health” section on how women attract men, how women select men, and how women’s behavior is a function of our essential receptacality with respect to men. Check this sexist, …

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Mar 04 2009

Spinster aunt conducts own damn survey

The Twisty Institute for the Study of Heterofemininity (TISH) invites women with boyfriends, husbands, and/or fathers to answer the following questions as honestly as possible. The raw data will be tabulated, collated, analyzed, duplicated, dipilated, notated, submitted, cited, misinterpreted, misquoted, and thrown away next week. On special occasions, or when he’s seeking your approval, does …

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Feb 26 2009

I feel so dirty

Blamer Belenen sent in a video clip the other day with the note “check out this animated tribute to sexism.” It was a cartoon called “Only in a Woman’s World.” Four young female characters obsess about femininity, particularly body image and food, in that glib, self-depracating-but-psuedo-edgy way that hot young empowerfulized women are popularly imagined …

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