Category Archive: The Beauty Ultimatum

Women had better do everything in their power to be beautiful, or else.

Dec 25 2008

“New” feminism: plump, luscious, and kissable

An acute reader once informed me that “the ideas on this blog are not new,” which remark I was apparently expected to interpret as a real take-me-down-a-peg zinger. Old ideas? Bo-ring. Entertain me with some new analysis. Preferably something more fun. This sentiment is echoed by a bunch of “new” feminists profiled in the lifestyle …

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Aug 23 2008

Asinine NPR story of the week

It was inevitable that, while listening to the radio during my semi-annual shower, I would hear an NPR analysis on the outfits worn by the presidential candidates’ wives. Ever on the cutting edge of popular culture, NPR hauled Jackie Kennedy’s ancient stylist out of cryogenic storage to canvass her edgy up-to-the-minute views on politics and …

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Aug 20 2008

Aussie mining town seeks ugly women

The seriously impaired mayor of Mount Isa is marketing a dude-heavy gender ratio disparity in his Australian outback town as an opportunity for “beauty disadvantaged women.” His idea is that female “ugly ducklings” can utilize the 5-to-1 male outnumberment to “transfer themselves with love and devotion” from hideous lesions on the face of eternity into …

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Jul 24 2008

Spinster aunt wipes tear from eye

Over this morning’s coffee I had the pleasure of reading about the arrest of a Nova Scotia groper. And by “pleasure” I mean “blechy feeling.” Oh, this groper isn’t any different from all the other gropers I’ve read about during my long career of groper-blaming: young Doug Schrader flits about the countryside feeling up women …

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Jul 05 2008

Yeah, I watched TV again

You know how spinster aunts love to lounge around on or about the TempurPedic eating Cool Whip and watching TV. Today I saw a series of programs on the E! channel. The E! channel, for those blamers who obstinately decline to monitor world misogyny via American television, consists, even more transparently than most other channels, …

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Apr 09 2008

Manure

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“Actress and humanitarian” Eva Longoria philosophizes, in return for money, on how great it is to be beautiful. Seen the commercial celebrating the heartwarming accomplishments of that woman who hooks up disabled people with service dogs? It’s so nice, because service dogs are expensive, and although it may surprise you, not all disabled people are …

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Jun 08 2007

Pose of the week

A mainstream music magazine has put a naked chick on the cover. This stunningly unremarkable event in the pornulational continuum induced not the slightest blip on my obstreperometer. Magazines put naked chicks on their covers roughly 82,697 times a day; it’s all part of the general background noise created in pop culture by the constant …

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Mar 13 2007

A geek’s story

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According to blamer Metamanda, somebody commenting on a recent thread, perhaps swept up in the frenzy of the moment, typed this: Is there anything about being a geek that makes a person more attractive? There were apparently other unfortunate statements, such as “no social skills” and “can’t get dates.” “Those are low blows,” responds self-identified …

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Feb 26 2007

Sisterhood

Few things are more distasteful to the delicate feminist sense of justice than instances of women harshin’ on other women. This women-bashing-women crap happens as often within “the movement” (such as it is) as it does among the unenlightened tighty-whitey anti-feminist collaborators. It’s bad enough, feminists lament, that men feel entitled to abuse us; how …

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Feb 10 2007

Ladies: “Say ‘no’ to having uneven and teeth like lips”

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Man, I’ve seen some utterly disgusting full-on misogynist shit since starting this blog — generous and/or sadistic readers just can’t stop sending it in — but this has got to be up there in the Top 5. Take, if you are able to keep your food down, the so-called Vagina Institute, a “global research centre” …

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