Category Archive: The Spinster’s Finger on the Pulse of Today

I occasionally read the news, or am forced to admit into my presence some artifact of popular culture.

Sep 20 2013

Spinster aunt busts move, sprains booty

If you must know, I have been benched in a freak twerking accident. Because it really chaps the spinster hide when perfectly reasonable behaviors are fetishexualized by the megatheopornocorporatocracy, I had planned to write a fairly epic blogular tirade about how butt-wagging is objectively an awesome pastime that, absent the ubiquitous pornsick male gaze, is …

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Aug 23 2012

Spinster aunt is informed that Pussy Riot’s ideological carpet doesn’t match drapes

Madonna in Moscow

You may have noticed the Free Pussy Riot banner up there.* Mindlessly swept up in the zeitgeist of the moment, I had intended to display it for a day or two as a kind of satiric gesture making fun of the wackaloon mainstream media frenzy over the Pussy Riot case. Then, because my Internet feminist …

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Jul 28 2012

Breaking Baddus Interruptus

beachvolleyball

Fully loaded ice bucket next to couch? Check. Bottle of Prosecco in it? Check. Bag of Funyuns? Check. That’s right. Time to watch the season premier of “Breaking Bad.” Wait! The phone’s ringing? Son of a bitch, phone off hook, not-check! Well, it was my mother. I always answer when it’s my mother because she’s …

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Jan 21 2012

Pinkness ensures replication of patriarchal ideals

How delightful to follow a link on the US birth control coverage benefit to HuffPo’s “Women” page. Everything is baby-pink! What a relief, all that pink, because the Global Accords Governing Fair Use of Women clearly state that if the fairer sex go longer than 16 minutes without girlification, ghettoization, infantilization, and condescension, they’re liable …

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Dec 03 2011

The thread about Siri

My phone takes rather a familiar tone.

“I’d rather talk about why Siri is sexist.” — blamer Josquin, on a thread about Rape-X. Well, have at it, Josquin! For my part, I haven’t been able to determine whether Siri is sexist or not, because she declines to function properly on my phone. I have come to actively dislike her. Just now I …

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Nov 10 2011

Whew, that was close

Zygote: "Suck it, human host! I rule and you're Number 2!"

Wouldn’t you know it, my office was recently swallowed up by a quantum vortex-oscillation anomaly, so, obviously, I haven’t been able to get much blaming in. However, the subspace crystalline entity hasn’t yet been spontaneously generated that could prevent this professional spinster aunt from discharging two of her most cherished duties: recognizing a human rights …

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Nov 07 2011

And another thing I’m sick of

On NPR the other day some interviewer — I forget which one — was interviewing some novelist — I forget which one — about the novelist’s new novel — I forget which one. The interviewer was a woman, the novelist was a woman, and the novel was about some women. “How difficult was it,” asked …

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Oct 15 2011

Storytime Korner

Well, a couple weeks ago Stingray and I were prancing up S. Congress Ave after having anointed ourselves with hipster fumes at Jo’s, when this wacked out hipster kid comes careening toward us, chanting nonsense. His bearing was somewhat aggressive, so we said “nyah!” back at him. He gave us the once-over with a stinkeye …

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Oct 01 2011

Whoops

Haley just wanted to be popular. What went wrong?

Forgot I had a blog. Sorry about that. But here’s a sweet little movie you won’t want to miss. Girl Fight airs on Lifetime this Monday. “Inspired” by a “true story” about mean girls who beat up one of their own and post it on YouTube for internet fame and revenge, it’s super on-trend. Although …

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Aug 09 2011

Kurrent Events Korner

sweatsocks

Spinster aunts throughout the galaxy are amazed by Illinois Senate Bill 1037. Unlike most senate bills, Illinois Senate Bill 1037 appears to contain little, if any, overt misogyny. In fact, it allows victims of sex trafficking to expunge the criminal records they acquired through being forced into prostitution. “Victims of human trafficking are often forced …

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