Category Archive: Varmint Center

The spinster aunt’s adventures with critters wild and domestic.

Oct 20 2011

Spinster aunt has a cow

Franny, Spinster HQ’s yella lab, started barking her face off the way she usually does whenever there is a 2500 pound mammal on the porch, and sure enough. When I sidled over to the front door, there was no denying it: there was definitely a black Angus cow studying the doorknob. Let it be known …

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Jun 17 2010

Spinster aunt beats dead horse

This lone stinkhorn mushroom is the only entity anywhere in Cottonmouth County that doesn’t have a katydid stuck to it. Unsurprisingly, my award-nominated (I personally nominate all my work for awards, to compensate for the fact that, incomprehensibly, I am so often overlooked by committees) vid lampooning the anti-science lifestyle choice, has generated some jaundice. …

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Jun 08 2010

The heartwarming zubiks of Obstreperon

Jun 04 2010

Bubble-breakings of a entire fool

Remember when you first got the Internet? I don’t, but maybe you do. Maybe you remember how kooky those first few spams were? Penis enlargement! Baldness! Impotence! Bwahaha! Nigerian princes with money trouble! Bwahaha! Etc. Alas, those days are gone. Spam remains dude-centric, like all manifestations of patriarchal culture, but now it’s all banal lists …

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Jan 24 2010

Rednecks vs hogs

Do you often say to yourself, “I wonder, what does a feral hog track look like, anyway?” Look no further. Behold the goods. This track was huge enough that I have no wish to encounter the hog what made it. It probably has giant venomous fangs, spiked tail, and 6-inch claws. Texas has more feral …

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Sep 06 2009

Austin inhabitant eschews Twitter; employs extremely inefficient low-tech communication device

You know how sometimes something sort of funny happens? Something sort of funny happened to me this morning. The canids and I were out traipsing over hill and dale, like we do every morning. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the fish were flapping, the snakes were snaking, etc. I’d found a funky …

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Apr 27 2009

Bunting bonanza

Indigo bunting, male, Cottonmouth County TX, April 2009

No time to post. Bunting hunting in progress. An effing mural of buntings, both painted and indigo, are hopping around the Spinster Ornithology Compound as we speak. A group of buntings is also known, for some reason, as a “sacrifice.”

Apr 25 2009

Nyerk/Tsuck: small brown birds of Cottonmouth County

This poor thing was getting buffetted pretty severely before the winds carried it off, tail over beak, into the wild blue. Summer Tanager, Cottonmouth County TX April 2009.

There are some pretty flashy birds flitting around the Spinster Ornithology Compound, but few of them ever seem inclined pose for our cameras. My Gaudy Bird Perching Reticence theory is that, because the air is solid live oak pollen at the moment and it’s blasting nonstop at 30 MPH, the branches they perch on are …

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Apr 23 2009

Spinster aunt resorts to posting Onion link

Turkey vulture perceives that I have found the right lens and changed the dead battery, so naturally it biffs off before I can focus. Note dead duck toy in lower right.

This is all I got, goddamit. I might have had a hilarious picture of the giant turkey vulture that just landed in the dog run and tried to scavenge offa Bert’s stuffed toy dead duck, but you know how when giant turkey vultures land in your yard to peck at dog toys you never have …

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Apr 21 2009

Wingnut on liberal media payroll redefines bigotry as justice

The rough green snake is over 2 feet long and drops from tree boughs onto your head without so much as a hey-ho-how's-your-toe.

If only there were enough hours in the day. But there aren’t, so this here snake is all I got. And this here link. Salon. Yeah, I’ve stopped reading it, too, but once in a while a blamer sends a link, and the next thing you know, there I am, writhing in pain over another …

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