Guidelines for Commenters

Do you not have the slightest idea what gives with this blog?

This is a feminist blog. It discusses feminism from the point of view that the value of the liberation of women from patriarchal oppression is not itself a matter of debate. In order to be considered suitable for posting here, your remarks must proceed from within a framework of radical feminist theory. Thanks!

Are you a dude? Read this first:

Do not use the comments section either to ask feminists to explain feminism to you, or to explain feminism to feminists. Be over 25, read seventeen books on radical feminist theory, and Google “mansplaining” before commenting here. I’m not kidding. See ya in 9 or 10 years! Thanks!

Are you a first-time commenter who believes she might enlighten the group with an opposing viewpoint?

Please click here before commenting. Thanks!

Think your comment got deleted, or has been undeservedly relegated to the moderation queue?

For the lovamike, don’t email me about this, whatever you do. For more information, please click here. Thanks!

Comments Guidelines
These simple rules will improve your prose and make you rich, famous and lovable.

• Commenters should strive for excellence. Everyone dislikes reading un-excellent comments.

• Commenters should exhibit advanced patriarchy-blaming skills. If you don’t know what this means, don’t post here. The degree of advancement expressed by any given comment is to be determined by me, entirely subjectively.

• A unique screen name is required. Comments with the following screen names will auto-delete:

anon
anonymous
none
nobody
noone
anybody
anyone
fuckyou
someone
a man
a dude
a Nigel
Chad
The Patriarch

• Commenters who append the number 69 to their screen names need to finish middle school before posting here.

• Commenters should make as many jokes as possible.

• Commenters should know the difference between ideas, opinion, and experience, and between analysis and anecdote. When commenting on this blog, analysis and argumentation are preferable to unsupported opinion and anecdote.

• The anecdote (and its poor relation, the synopsis of an acquaintance’s views) can have entertainment value, but is rarely, if ever, effective as evidence in an argument, cf. “some of my best friends are strippers, and they are rich, happy, and empowerfulized, therefore your views on porn are wrong.” This means: don’t use anecdotes to prove stuff.

• Particularly, commenters should carefully consider whether a description of their personal sex lives is in fact absolutely vital to their analysis. Because it isn’t.

• The exception to the anti-anecdote rule is the memoir-esque comment with universal resonance and a pithy connection to the discussion. For example, if the topic is Harmful Beauty Practices, a recollection detailing that time bootleg botox injections killed off all the women in your village would likely add to the discussion, whereas a remark announcing that you personally choose to use lipstick is boring, and insubstantial, and nobody gives a fuck. Much more interesting and to the point would be an analysis of the use of lipstick generally.

• Be brief. One or two short paragraphs should about cover it. Got more to say? Get your own blog.

• Avoid beginning your remarks with

– the word “I”
– the word “i”
– any lowercase letter, for that matter
– the phrase “I think that ___.”
– the phrase “I personally choose to ____ because choice empowers me.”
– the phrase “I haven’t read the post you’re all talking about, but ____”
– either “um” or “er,” particularly in an effort to convey sarcasm. You are not an edgy young character in a sitcom.
– the phrase “Off-topic, but ___.”

• Post no abusive language. ‘Abusive language’ means racist, sexist, classist, misogynist, ableist, anti-straight, anti-fat, anti-gay, anti-trans, anti-mother, anti-kid, or antifeminist language.

• Kindly note that when feminists of whiteness exercise white feminist privilege, even when unintended, it is experienced by feminists of color as racism.

One thing I have learned from doing this blog lo these past 5 years is that when a reasonable person tells you you’re oppressin’em, you’re oppressin’em. The only rational course of action is a) to stop being defensive and b) to cop to it, already. Because if you’re white, it is a foregone conclusion that your whiteness accrues benefits not offered to anyone else, and that these benefits will often be invisible to you. A foregone conclusion, I tell you.

• Cite your sources. I Blame the Patriarchy isn’t a scholarly work, so you don’t have to do a formal footnote, but if you’re going to make some remark like “1 in 4 Indonesian women are addicted to Cool Whip,” we’re gonna need that link.

• Yeah, and don’t plagiarize, either.

• Comments proceeding from TUMP (the unique male perspective) will be deleted. If you don’t know what this means, do not post here.

• I have not forced you to read this blog against your will. If you can’t stand me, feel free to biff off.

• These essays reflect my personal views. They are ideas. They are not doctrine or settled fact. I am not in charge of all the feminists. I can’t change anybody’s mind. I can’t “outlaw” anything. I don’t lead a cult.

• Your comments appear on my blog at my pleasure. I have not solicited your participation. I don’t care if you disagree with me. I don’t care if you approve of me. You don’t have a “right” to be heard on this or any other blog. Neither do I “owe” you the slightest respect, courtesy or explanation. I may delete any of your comments I choose, for whatever reason I choose. I generally delete comments that

– do not exhibit sufficient patriarchy-blaming chops
– do not exhibit philosophic value
– are off-topic
– are unintelligible
– are spam
– are antifeminist
– are godbaggy
– are creepy
– are “what about the men?”
– annoy me in some way that I can’t quite put my finger on
– mansplain
– suck

• Commenters should avoid being annoying in a way that I can put my finger on. Some examples of annoying commentarianism are

– ignoring the Guidelines for Commenters
– blaming women for their own oppression
– posting “Hey check out this totally unrelated link!” as a comment
– using the old “how dare you discuss [this frivolous topic] when people are dying in Transylvania?” gambit
– self-righteousism (see above)
– shameonyouism (see above)
– commenter feuds
– dudes paraphrasing their girlfriends’ supposed opinions
– baby talk (e.g. “teh widdle menz”)
– a single long, poorly punctuated paragraph
– many long, poorly punctuated paragraphs
– many long paragraphs, period
– any number of paragraphs describing your personal heterosexual sex life
– re-stating the thesis of the post without adding to the discussion or at least making a joke
– stating “I second what Picklenose said” without adding to the discussion or at least making a joke
– using an ellipsis
– using an ellipsis in the middle
– using an ellipsis at the end
– using an ellipsis in the middle and another at the end
– using two or four or eight dots instead of an ellipsis
– using two dots here, four dots there instead of two ellipses

• Occasionally my real life prevents me from spending 24 hours a day monitoring the blog. Sometimes I don’t read it at all. While I do make a half-assed effort to ensure that the comments precisely mirror my own unassailable views, sometimes offensive crap sneaks by while I’m out doing the butt-dance down Congress Ave. This is too bad, but I refute categorically the notion that I am responsible for the unsolicited asinine remarks that happen to show up this blog when I’m not looking. You get what you pay for here at I Blame the Patriarchy.

• Don’t respond to trolls. If you do, then, when I remove the troll, your response just hangs there in the breeze, a painful, nonsequiturious reminder.

• If you find yourself commenting more than 2 or 3 times on a given post, please consider shutting the old piehole.

• Once in a while I actually put a little work into these posts. Kindly do me the favor of refraining from derailing the discussion with off-topicality. This is my personal blog, not a message board.

• In the interest of intelligibility, try to use words. Random typing is no substitute. Here are a few examples of random typing:

IMHO
b/c
ROTFL
:)
definately

• Kindly employ decent grammar, syntax, punctuation, and spelling, both when commenting, and during the course of your daily life.

• While you’re at it, you might as well avoid clichés, too.

• Ain’t got no dictionary handy? Download CleverKeys, an application for Mac and Windows that lets you right-click your way to precision and profundity in the English language. It’s no OED, but it’s better than nothing.

• Emoticons: is anything sadder? :(

• And for the lova mike, use the fucking shift key! What is wrong with you people?